ALL HANDS ON DECK, OR ELSE.

Byline: Tom Hoffarth

No one else thought it was an ominous sign when the Dodgers sold backstop signage during its rain-drenched opening homestand to the capsized film company promoting "Poseidon"?

--Is Nomar Garciaparra now allowed to give Eric Gagne some ribbing for having to join him on the DL, or can his ribcage handle it?

--Doesn't Gagne have some nerve to come up with this ailment now?

--Who's the wise guy waving the towel: Career over?

--With Nomar down, Olmedo's back acting up and Loney acting looney trying to handle ground balls with his bare hands, would it hurt for Trader Ned to lob a phone call to Eric Karros? Greg Brock? Ron Fairly?

--When Barry Bonds pays his first visit to McCourt Manor this time next week, wouldn't it really mess with his head if the fans along the third-base line and in the left-field pavilion did absolutely nothing?

--If the new ESPN super-sized series on the Giant pain-in-the-Golden Gate was called "Blondes on Bonds," would that attract a bigger audience? If Katie Couric was narrating it? If Pete Rose made a cameo dressed as Schiender from "One Day At A Time"?

--If we're flyin' to In-N-Out, is LenDale White buyin'? Or is he just going to lay low in the back seat and not-so-secretly scarf down all the animal style 3x3s the rest of us order?

--With Josh Shipp back on board, how does UCLA stay under the radar and avoid having all kinds of expectations heaped upon them for an NCAA finals repeat?

--And has someone brought Jordan Farmar to his senses yet and made him aware of the consensus that it's best to tether himself to Westwood at least one more season?

--Does anyone really know the real Joakim Noah?

--Will we ever hear from Jim Larranaga again?

--Why don't the Green Bay Packers do Brett Favre a favor and just cut him?

--Who's keeping Kris Benson abreast of what's going on with his wacked-out wife?

--Whenever the new NFL schedule comes out each year, do you still sneak a peak to see if the Rams and Raiders meet up?

--Isn't it worth checking out the Long Beach Grand Prix, if only to hear Bad Religion play louder than the cars going around the track?

--Can we go to Luc Robitaille for an impartial assessment of Kings interim coach John Torchetti? Would Luc consider himself lucky if he was offered the bench job next season, or will he be able to hire himself for it after Dave Taylor's GM spot becomes open?

--Having noted that a list in USA Today on the top 10 "unforgettable perches" in sports includes a courtside seat during a Lakers playoff game at Staples Center, does that inspire you to check StubHub to purchase one of them perches after the team's playoff tickets go on sale this morning?

--When you look at the sports section in general, and your midsection in particular, aren't we all really just a bunch of benchwarmers?

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