AIRPORT PIT STOP HIGH ON EVERYONE'S LIST.

Byline: Stephanie Becker

Local View

ONCE again, the reputation of a mighty public institution is maligned by charges of illicit activity. I refer not to the Congress and the news about Sen. Larry Craig. I mean the great institution of the public toilet.

In the news, on the talk shows and the late-night comedy programs this critical resting place has been ridiculed despite the important role it plays in our daily lives.

One Web site on the history of plumbing dates the first public toilet to 1214 AD. That would make it a year before the Magna Carta became the second most important paper in the land.

Using public bathrooms for illegal sexual activity is apparently a well-known fact in some circles. I'm too much of square to know. A quick Google search turns up reports of hundreds of arrests at airports around the country for this sort of thing.

I've not experienced such activity. Although if parking your bag in front of the door is a sign of something, arrest me now. As the queen of carry-on, it's not like there's an overhead compartment to use after you've put the seat in the downright and locked position. (However, in the ladies room, if you put your hand under the stall wall, it is the international sign that you are in desperate need of a few sheets of paper.)

As a world traveler, I have become a connoisseur of the public toilet. While some are crap and give a germaphobe like me nightmares, these days most are a delightful high-tech experience. Currently, I give the Dallas Fort Worth Airport toilet hub high marks. I spent an embarrassingly long amount of time pressing the red button that swirls an automatic plastic lining around the seat. It's a sanitarily secure sanctuary worthy of my 5-star toilet rating.

I'm also continually amazed at the laser technology that dispenses the soap and triggers the water. But I'm often off the charts with frustration. I cannot be the only one stalled at the sink doing a dramatic Kabuki hand-dance trying to wash up. Sometimes I'm so furious at my inability to find the sweet spot, that I want to bolt while still microbially challenged. However, the social stigma of being one of the great unwashed is too overwhelming.

Ah, my kingdom for an actual faucet handle! By the way, experts say you should wash approximately the amount of time it takes to sing a round of "Happy Birthday."

For sheer elegance, I have to steer you to the public restrooms at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York. If memory holds, it's in the old, proud and elegant tradition of this historic hotel. Each stall is its own little kingdom with a full-size mirror, marble sink with hand-turned faucets as well as a lovely full oval throne (not the cheaper u-shaped model) and super thick paper towels. The only downside is there's no air circulating once you close the door. Don't breathe too deeply.

And finally, there is this: What we may have all learned from Senator Craig's predicament is that no matter what who you are, the public toilet is a great equalizer. It is one of the nation's, if not the world's most democratic (with a small "d") of institutions.

No matter your station in life, whether you are Bill Gates or a gatekeeper, Warren Buffet or a buffet cook, Angelina Jolie or say, me, we all have to flush. Or are supposed to. And wash hands after. Or say we do. Happy birthday to you.