AFTER THE ARTICLE: KRONKE GETS SUED!

Byline: David Kronke TV Writer

RECENTLY, the viewer-deprived Oxygen cable network - aimed at (apparently very few) women - announced its plans to become a major (or at least, vaguely viable) player in the cable universe: ``Oprah After the Show.''

That program would feature talk-show mogul Oprah Winfrey in the minutes following the wrap of her daily show, ``kicking her shoes off'' and kicking it with fans and guests. It's a little difficult imagining someone who insists on posing for cover shots for every issue of her own eponymous magazine actually taking it easy, but that's the concept.

Moreover, after Bill Maher (who we imagine would never get a show on Oxygen) retires to the Playboy mansion when his series ``Politically Correct'' leaves the air at the end of this month, ABC will temporarily replace the show with an adjunct to ``Nightline'' - not a longer version of ``Nightline,'' mind you, but a separate, ostensibly distinct program feeding off of ``Nightline.'' This apparently does not feature anchor Ted Koppel ``kicking his shoes off'' and waxing warm-and-fuzzy with Ari Fleischer or Yassir Arafat, though that would make for quite the spectacle.

Personally, what we'd find really interesting would be ``Oprah After 'After the Show,' '' when Winfrey'd truly quit playing to the cameras and start haranguing her personal assistants and making life hell for her magazine's editors and phoning up her bookie or whatever it is she does when she quits being ``Oprah,'' sage to her minions, and starts being Oprah Winfrey, average everyday multimillionaire.

But the idea does hold some appeal. Clearly, it's been inspired by ``The Larry Sanders Show,'' which followed a neurotic fictional talk-show host in his self-absorbed perambulations through the minefield that is Hollywood, and ``The Osbournes,'' which became a seemingly unlikely hit for MTV for its unexpurgated depiction of everyday life of heavy-metal rocker Ozzie Osbourne and his lovingly dysfunctional family.

We can imagine this becoming a brave new sub-genre of reality TV, beginning with ``Ozzie After 'The Osbournes,' '' in which Ozzie ditches his ridiculous slurred speech and starts phoning up his battery of stock analysts, ghost-writes Ann Landers' column and checks in with the Pentagon for the day's movements of Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

Other shows we'd like to see:

-- ``Aaron Sorkin After Another Season of 'West Wing,' '' in which TV's top auteur contemplates attempting another flight out of Burbank Airport.

-- ``Ted Danson After the 'Becker' Taping,'' grousing about the halcyon ``Cheers'' days when he had a real comedy writing staff.

-- ``Tom Cruise After the 'Entertainment Tonight' Interview,'' where the hit-maker expresses amazement that reporters hang on his every word, even when he's saying nothing or something that is patently untrue, such as his umpteenth iteration of, ``This is my best film yet.''

-- ``Gail Berman After the May Fox Network Upfront,'' wondering aloud why everyone laughed when she announced that Tiffani Thiessen would be playing the boss of two top undercover cops in ``Fastlane'' and if she actually green-lit the TV series ``Septuplets,'' about hormonal teens who basically run a beachfront resort or if that was some joke from the guy who runs the TelePrompTer.

-- ``John Ashcroft After the Press Conference,'' conferring with underlings as to whether the term ``dirty bomb'' was fright-inducing enough or whether he should have called it a ``filthy bomb'' or even a ``Catholic-priest-allegations bomb.''

-- ``Mike Tyson After the Fight,'' contemplating such loony schemes to remain in the public eye as proclaiming his love for Jodie Foster or changing his name to Michael bin Laden.

-- ``Carrot Top After the Long-Distance Phone Commercial,'' fretting whether there's any other way he can further take his illegitimately earned 15 minutes of fame to a 16th minute.

CAPTION(S):

photo

Photo: Will Oprah Winfrey's new entry, Oxygen's ``After the Show,'' feature any shots of Oprah after she stops being Oprah for the day?