ADVICE FOR THE HARDY GALLERY.

Byline: KEVIN MODESTI

Don't be fooled by the lush surroundings, the relative freedom to roam and the proximity to world-class athletes. It's not easy being a fan at golf tournaments like this week's Nissan Open at Riviera Country Club.

Golf is the only sport in which the spectators burn as many calories as the players. You're always on your feet - unless you're one of those people who lug their chairs around with them, in which case you're lugging a chair around with you.

You're herded around by course marshals who are always coming up with a reason you can't stay where you are, something trivial like, ``You're standing on Mr. Parnevik's ball.''

Wherever you are, you constantly have the feeling you're missing the good stuff somewhere else. It's possible to pay $20 for a one-day ticket, scout out what seemed like an ideal vantage point and wind up half a mile from the highlight of the afternoon.

I don't mean to discourage anybody from spending the weekend at Riviera, where the 75th edition of what used to be called the Los Angeles Open completed round one Thursday with a tie for first among Sergio Garcia, Brent Schwarzrock, Tom Sherrer and defending champ Kirk Triplett.

I just think you'll enjoy it more with the benefit of some advice. I've watched golf galleries for a few years and I've noticed now certain people have more fun than others.

The first tip would be to arrive early. Dawn is usually early enough to secure a spot in the parking lot conveniently situated within walking distance of L.A. County.

For those who don't feel like a lot of walking, a couple of areas of the Riviera course are recommended: One is the bottom of the clubhouse hill, where you're close to the second and 18th greens, the third and 10th tees, and the driving range where the pros practice. The other is on the far end of the property where the sixth hole (the par-3 with the mid-green bunker) adjoins the fifth and 16th greens and the seventh tee.

For the energetic, it's possible to walk the entire course in less than an hour, or less than six hours if you actually stop to watch some golf.

Pick up a pairings sheet as you enter Riviera. This will tell you when Tiger Woods is teeing off. The other 143 names on the sheet will be a blur. Many of these names are just made up to fill the page anyway. Jerry Kelly, Jerry Smith, Chris Smith, Chris Perry, Jim Carter, Jimmy Green and Danny Ellis are not real people.

The sheet contains an official list of ``Spectator Tips to Ensure Your Viewing Enjoyment.'' These are to be read, committed to memory and completely ignored.

Remember that the point of going to a golf tournament is not to enjoy a quiet, relaxing day of sport in an idyllic outdoor setting. The point is to impress your date or your drinking buddies with your power and golf savvy.

By ``power,'' I mean, naturally, cigars. They're available for purchase on the course. Please be careful where you wave your red-hot cigar while in a crowd. Most of your fellow spectators would rather have holes burned in their shirts than in their pants.

By ``golf savvy,'' I mean, naturally, your insightful commentary on the action in front of you. To be truly persuasive, such commentary must be delivered in the vernacular and the sotto voce twang of TV golf analysts. Use the word ``little'' in every possible context: ``This is a tricky little par-4 and Grunewald's left himself a touchy little wedge to a green with a little back-to-front tilt.''

You win a prize if you're the first, after a player strokes a putt or any chip shorter than 40 yards, to shout out, ``It's in the hole!'' It doesn't matter that you're always wrong. As the ball trickles to a halt nine feet short and to the right of the cup, merely point out, ``He left it a little short and to the right,'' and your reputation will be restored.

You probably don't have to be lectured on the do's and don'ts of cellular-phone use. It goes without saying that you should always have your cell phone turned on so the office and friends can reach you. Nothing spoils a day at the Nissan like worrying that dinner has been changed from 6 o'clock to 6:15 and nobody told you.

Try to keep your cell-phone conversations short so as not to distract the players. Simply tell your friends, ``I'm right beside the 18th green, so I'LL HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK! I said, I'LL HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK''

If the sudden noise messes up Tiger's shot, merely explain, ``He left it a little short and to the right,'' and all will be forgiven.

Speaking of Tiger, the secret to seeing a lot of golf with minimal bruising and waste of time is to avoid fighting the huge gallery following his group. Go three holes in front of Tiger, stake out a spot near the ropes and wait for him to come through.

Either that or go to other side of the course from where Tiger is. It will be deserted and you'll have easy access to Cliff Kresge, Tam Bronkey and Tripp Isenhour.

If everybody would follow this advice, their day would be a lot more fun and I could watch Tiger in peace.

CAPTION(S):

2 photos, 2 boxes

Photo: (1) Nissan Open spectators gather at the sixth green at Riviera Country Club on Thursday.

Tina Burch/Staff Photographer

(2) Sergio Garcia, of Spain, watches his chip shot at Riviera Country Club in the first round of the Nissan Open.

Associated Press

Boxes: (1) First Round SCORES

(2) ROUND 2 TEE TIMES