ADVICE; Nagging mum's so single minded.

Byline: MIRIAM STOPPARD

Dear Miriam, Why won't my parents get off my back? I'm 26 and don't have a boyfriend. It upsets them more than it does me.

I have a good job, earn good money and have a nice set of girlfriends. I don't feel a bit lonely. I don't have the time and I like being independent.

Only recently, I came back from a three-week holiday in India and the first thing my mum wanted to know was if I'd I met any eligible men on my travels. She can't have a sane conversation about being single.

I feel very irritated they think there's something wrong with me because there's no man sharing my life. What should I do? Kathryn Dear Kathryn, She sounds like Mrs Bennet, the mother in Pride and Prejudice. It really is OK to take your time and have fun with your life before you settle down. You don't have lay waiting for Mr Right to walk past. It takes time and luck to find someone you can make a relationship with.

Without realising it, parents who constantly pressure or bug their children about being without a partner subtly undermine their self-esteem, force them into a defensive position and reduce their likelihood of finding someone.

Rather than make you feel like a loser, they should support you for not marrying a loser. People who are happy with their lives and proud of their accomplishments are far more attractive candidates for a meaningful relationship than those made to feel their achievements and interests are not important.

Just be strong and do what you like with your life. That's the key to happiness..

Is she a steal? Dear Miriam, My friend and I met a girl we both fancied like mad at a club. She gave us both her number and he called her first but, reading between the lines, he hasn't got very far.

Now I don't know whether to call her or not. I don't want to fall out with him if he's still trying but I'm going crazy over this girl because she's just my type - a leggy brunette and really cool. Should I back off for the sake of our friendship? Wayne

Wayne Dear Wayne,

All's fair in love and war. Your friend doesn't have exclusive rights to her. If you're attracted to her and she gave you her phone number, she's put you on a level playing field, so by all means call her and let her decide.

But before you make that call, tell your friend that's what you plan to do. Be prepared for him to be upset but at least he can't say you went behind his back.

Think carefully, though. Good friends are hard to come by, so move on to the next girl if she's not really special.

Young love is far too eager

Dear Miriam, Several months ago, I dated a woman who's 23. I'm 43 and just out of a 16-year marriage.

I told her I was concerned about the age difference but she wasn't bothered. I was flattered by her interest but wanted to take things slowly as I was still hurting from my marriage break-up.

Although I voiced my worries about all the plans she was making for our future, she wouldn't listen.

She didn't want to end it but I felt the right thing to do was to break up. Now she keeps phoning to have a go about me hurting her and she makes me feel very guilty. What should I do? Jamie

Dear Jamie, If you told her your worries and she refused to get the message, why keep stirring up guilty emotions? What will it accomplish? You can feel sad but, if it's over for you, just move on.

Taking a step back and ending the relationship was the best thing to do because of your doubts about being with her. It's probably best if you cut off all contact as she might be hoping you'll give in and resume the relationship.

You know what you want and you're comfortable with it - that should be the end of the story.

He calls for bed and breakfast

Dear Miriam, I've been seeing a man for almost four years. At first he seemed to really like me and would take me out to places but then he said he couldn't afford it, although I always offered to pay my own way. Now, when it suits him, he comes to my house, we have sex, he watches TV and stays overnight.

It was my birthday last week and he forgot to even buy me a card. I know he doesn't sound much but I love him and I'll have no one if I give him up. I'm 60.

What can I do? Joan Dear Joan, It sounds like this man may have a harem of women at his beck and call and you only get a look in when no one else is available. If you really were his number one, and he wanted to settle down with you, he'd treat you with a lot more consideration and respect.

You're not only risking your sanity, you're risking your health. I hope you're practising safe sex.

Unless you want to spend the rest of your life being used and putting up with his stinginess and his absences, ditch him and get on with your life. Get involved in outside activities and keep yourself busy.

There are many men out there who will treat you better. Get out and meet them.

Write to: Dr Miriam Stoppard, FREEPOST, Daily Mirror, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5BR.

Or text: MIRIAM and your problem, including your name and town, to 84080. Texts cost 25p.

Or email: [e-mail] Sorry, she cannot reply personally

tip OF THE DAY "Stress accelerates ageing and the stress-resistant personality lives longest"