ADVICE; LETTER OF THE DAY.Byline: MIRIAM STOPPARD She's stuck with a loser Dear Miriam, My best friend, who is smart, funny, sweet and beautiful, has been dating a man for a few months and really seems to like him. The problem is that no one else does, including her parents. They think he's a total loser and she could do so much better. He doesn't share her values or goals, and my friend's really careful with money while he's always broke and on the scrounge scrounge v. scrounged, scroung·ing, scroung·es Slang v.tr. 1. To obtain (something) by begging or borrowing with no intention of reparation: . I've noticed he's always putting money into slot machines and cadging drinks from the rest of us when we're at the pub. I've never ever seen him do anything thoughtful for her. He doesn't appreciate her. We're both 30 and last year I got married and so did her sister. She's the last one of our group of school friends still single and I've been wondering if she's with him not to feel left out. But she isn't meeting anyone else while he's around. I really think he's way below her level of intelligence and I just want the best for her. I have managed to keep my mouth shut till now but I would hate her settling for him. How do I convince her she deserves much more? Amy Dear Amy, While at first sight this doesn't look like a partnership that's going anywhere, every relationship has a secret side and maybe they have a connection you just haven't seen yet. It's really important to approach the situation in a gentle, loving, non-judgmental way because she will have a hard time hearing he's bad news from someone like you who is happily settled. She may be wondering why she only attracts the rejects but then tells herself any man is better than no man. There's no question it's difficult being the odd one out with its insecurities and fears. Make a real effort to spend time with her, without your partners in tow. Have a girls' night out as often as you can, or go out to lunch with her so she doesn't need to feel so dependent on the boyfriend. This will give you the chance to ask lots of open questions like how she feels about him and how it's all going. The more you or your friends can spend quality time with her, the more likely she'll talk about him and explain how she feels about the relationship. If she doesn't really see a future with him, you can question why she's wasting her time. If her attitude is he's OK for now, try to emphasise that she's losing an opportunity to meet other men every day she spends with him, . If your instincts are correct and he's not right for her, hopefully she'll start to see this for herself in time. Make her know she's not alone and that people love and care about her. In the end, it's her choice, not yours. Unless she asks you, you can't really step in too far. Hunk's a skunk skunk, name for several related New World mammals of the weasel family, characterized by their conspicuous black and white markings and use of a strong, highly offensive odor for defense. Dear Miriam, I'm dating a man I was crazy about before he asked me out. When he kissed me, he had the worst dragon's breath I've ever smelled. He also has a body odour problem. He works as a roofer and we met when he was retiling a neighbour's roof - I noticed his fabulous six pack! I'm reluctant to dump him because he has many nice qualities and I know it would upset him. He's funny and generous and often buys me presents. We haven't had sex yet because I'm scared of getting too close. What should I do? Angela Dear Angela, Don't give up on your smelly hunk just yet. He's got a host of qualities you find attractive which makes him a great candidate for self-improvement. Without making him feel you're getting at him, why not casually drop into the conversation that bad breath is your pet peeve pet peeve n. Informal Something about which one frequently complains; a particular personal vexation. Noun 1. pet peeve - an opportunity for complaint that is seldom missed; "grammatical mistakes are his pet peeve" about the opposite sex. Tell him how much you love snuggling up to people who smell clean and fresh, and buy him your favourite shower gel shower gel shower n → gel m douche , aftershave aftershave Noun a scented lotion applied to a man's face after shaving aftershave , aftershave lotion after n → Rasierwasser nt and deodorant deodorant /de·odor·ant/ (de-o´der-int) 1. masking offensive odors. 2. an agent that so acts. de·o·dor·ant n. as a present. Say you want him to think about you when he uses them. Sex in the shower would be another way to work him up into a lather and get him clean. We're on brink Dear Miriam, I have a crush on a man at work but I'm married with two children. He's made it clear he also finds me attractive but he's also married. We've been getting more and more dangerously flirtatious. I feel we're on the cusp of something big happening and I don't know what to do as the urge to give in to my passion is becoming irresistible. Is it really that bad if we're discreet and no one finds out? Vicky Dear Vicky, You might be able to fool other people but you can't fool yourself. You'll be betraying your husband and children. Your colleagues are bound to notice if it's getting serious. Think about the damage you could do to your family and career. Try spicing up your marriage instead of turning to someone else. Smouldering on Dear Miriam, I've ended a relationship as I still had hang-ups about my ex-wife and my new girlfriend was too fiery for me. Since we broke up, she phones me all the time and we meet once a week. We have done some fun things but I'm worried she's expecting us to get back together. I don't want that but I'd hate to hurt her feelings any more. What do I do? Sam Dear Sam, How can either of you move on if you're still taking up each other's time? Pulling the plug is the humane thing to do. There's nothing you can offer her as a friend that she can't get from other people, so it's time to cut contact. Six months or so down the line, when you're both settled in new lives, you could consider going back to being friends. the advice lines you can trust Calls cost 60p per minute at all times Magic of sex call 0901 609 2554 How to stimulate a woman How to stimulate a man Difficulties with erections Premature ejaculation Premature Ejaculation Definition Premature ejaculation occurs when male sexual climax (orgasm) occurs before a man wishes it or too quickly during intercourse to satisfy his partner. 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