ADVICE; I'm trapped after one-night stand.

Byline: MIRIAM STOPPARD

Dear Miriam, Seven months ago a friend and I were sozzled and got into bed together. In two months, I'll be a dad.

She's always been like a sister to me and I've never thought about her in a romantic or sexual way. I feel angry I couldn't talk her into an abortion. She hopes the baby will win me over but it won't, and it hasn't come at a good time - I'm an unemployed car-worker.

I'm living with her until the birth as she's had some health scares but tension is growing between us. She goes mad if I'm out with other women. What can I do?

Joss

Dear Joss, As much as dating takes up your time, you might also consider how you'll be a good dad to your child. It's called being accountable for your actions. It isn't the baby's fault its parents haven't a clue about responsible drinking or using birth control.

For you, accidental fatherhood may be a calamity but you can't ignore your financial and moral responsibility to the baby. You don't owe it to the mother to get married but you owe it to that unborn child to be a loving part of his or her life.

As your heart's not in this relationship, perhaps you should move out of her place now and support her from a distance to avoid her becoming too attached. She needs to know where she stands, painful though that will be for her. Don't compound your mistake with confused messages.

I fear he can't forget his ex

Dear Miriam, I've fallen in love with a man who has been separated from his wife for 10 months. They're getting divorced. He was married for 12 years.

He has met all my family and they think he's nice. He's renting a flat nearby and we see each other every day.

He says he's in love with me and I believe him but I feel second best at times because I'm not convinced he's totally over his wife. I don't know how to speed things along. What do you advise?

Jen

Dear Jen, Someone who's been married for 12 years won't suddenly forget the past. No matter what bad circumstances led to the divorce, there will always be some good memories that can't be forgotten.

You need to talk to him and explain your fears. Ask him if he really does feel ready for another relationship.

The stresses and emotions of extricating himself from his old life may cause problems in your relationship. At times something will trigger a memory and he will want to talk about it. It won't mean he's hankering to get back with her.

Be confident enough in his love that the mention of her name doesn't send you into a jealous tailspin. Communication and unconditional love are important for a good relationship.

Rift will ruin family

Dear Miriam, My girlfriend has a newly-married 22-year-old daughter and doesn't get on with her son-in-law- she wouldn't even go to the wedding.

Now we've heard her daughter is pregnant and there was a scare and she almost lost the baby. My girlfriend was in pieces about it all but refused to give in and go to see her daughter.

Before all this, they were very close, talking almost every day. As a mere male I can't fathom what's going on but I feel my stepdaughter needs her mum and my partner needs her daughter and they shouldn't be boycotting each other. What can I do to help?

Roy

Dear Roy, Your partner's daughter was old enough to decide who she married and it's very sad her mum reacted by snubbing the wedding - her daughter's big day.

Your partner has made her feelings known and shouldn't be dishing out punishment again and again.

Keep working on your partner to bring her to her senses before it's too late and she misses the chance to develop a strong bond with her grandchild.

If she's right about her son-in-law being no good she'll have much more influence over her daughter if she's involved in her life and not spectating from afar.

Sparks fly with workaholic dad

Dear Miriam, My husband is a self-employed electrician who works long hours chasing every job. He's often busy at weekends too.

The children and I hardly see him and he's usually exhausted when we do. He says he must take all the work he can, as he sees so many other businesses going bankrupt. He already has a reputation in our area for doing a good job and I think we could manage very well if he wasn't working seven days a week. I feel life is passing me by.

How can I make him see there's more to life than having money in the bank?

Lou

Dear Lou, No one knows what tomorrow will hold. Time with family and friends is precious.

He's pushing himself hard for the family's benefit and his work ethic is admirable but he needs to strike a balance as this is obviously an ongoing source of stress.

Tell him how you feel and see if there is anything he can do differently to get more time off.

Try to convince him to revise his schedule so he can take an entire weekend once or twice a month to spend with family before your children leave the nest for good. That way, you'll all have some happy memories to share.

Write to: Dr Miriam Stoppard, FREEPOST, Daily Mirror, 1 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5BR.

Or text: MIRIAM and your problem, including your name and town, to 84080. Texts cost 25p.

Or email: [e-mail] Sorry, she cannot reply personally THE we've drinks DAY be able to may to a moving with at proper bed about five old"