ADVICE; Dear Miriam.Byline: MIRIAM STOPPARD Good-time guy has dodgy dodgy - Synonym with flaky. Preferred outside the US mates Dear Miriam, Recently I started going out with a man who is fun to be around and is always up for a good time. Whenever we're out, his attention is totally on me and I've never seen him even look at other women. But I don't like his friends and that really bothers me. I know at least two of them are cheating on their regular girlfriends and have no shame about it. I know men are easily influenced by their friends so I wonder if, underneath it all, he has the same attitude. When we're together it doesn't seem possible. What do you think? Val Dear Val, It would be unfair to judge your boyfriend on the basis of his friends. It's a big jump to conclude he's a cheater because they are. How important to you is being exclusive? If you're not sure about how he feels, ask him. If you're sleeping with him, you ought to know one way or the other to protect yourself. It sounds as if he's paying attention Noun 1. paying attention - paying particular notice (as to children or helpless people); "his attentiveness to her wishes"; "he spends without heed to the consequences" attentiveness, heed, regard to you alone, which must be a good sign. If he's not making excuses for his friends or defending their antics, that's another plus. Time to admit the game's over Dear Miriam, I dated someone for two years and we were so much in love. The trouble is we fought like crazy and we were always breaking up. After the last break-up he hooked up with someone else. I've started dating too but I'm nowhere near as serious as he is with this new girl. He and I are in the same darts team, so I have to see him every week. We still talk and have a laugh but it's not the same. I do care for him a lot and admit it makes me feel very sad. I've been thinking about quitting the team to make life easier for myself. Do you think I should? Sarah Dear Sarah, Maybe it's just too soon for you and him to have the kind of relationship that doesn't cause bittersweet bittersweet, name for two unrelated plants, belonging to different families, both fall-fruiting woody vines sometimes cultivated for their decorative scarlet berries. memories. You may need to put some space between you and let time pass before you even think of being just friends. Over the longer term, it would be good if you could achieve a peaceful friendship but it's not a road for the faint-hearted. It's going to take time, and old conflicts may flare up flare up Verb 1. to burst suddenly into fire 2. Informal to burst into anger Verb 1. flare up because you were once more than friends. If you can entirely let go of him as an ex and think of him only as a pal, you may be able to build something new together but, if you still see him as your ex, this will always pollute pol·lute v. 1. To make unfit for or harmful to living things, especially by the addition of waste matter; contaminate. 2. To make less suitable for an activity, especially by the introduction of unwanted factors. the friendship. Don't lose sight of what got you into this situation. You two didn't get along in many ways - perhaps ways that can never be fixed. How can I pay my respects? Dear Miriam, I became very close friends with a work colleague and we kept in touch when she retired and moved to Spain. I had some lovely holidays with her and we called and emailed regularly. You can imagine how upset I was when I came back from visiting my daughter in America to find my friend had died suddenly from a stroke. I'm upset that I missed the funeral. She was cremated and her ashes scattered and there's nowhere for me to pay my last respects Noun 1. last respects - the act of expressing respect for someone who has died; "he paid his last respects by standing quietly at the graveside" deference, respect - a courteous expression (by word or deed) of esteem or regard; "his deference to her wishes was very . Is there anything that I can do to honour her memory? She was always there for me and I feel so guilty that I wasn't there for her. Tess Dear Tess, If you want something tangible to remind you of her, you could plant a tree or a shrub in your garden in her memory. If you don't have the space, plants which bloom every year would be nice. What about making a donation to a charity in her name? Perhaps the Stroke Association or some other good cause? Gran leaves my boy in the cold Dear Miriam, My mother-in-law likes my daughter more than my son and he's noticed it. He's six and his sister's three. My husband says she's just so happy to have a granddaughter as she had four boys. She's a nice, generous woman but I don't like the way she's playing favourites. My son asked me the other day why granny didn't like him. She always picks up my daughter to put on her knee and cuddle. Should I say something or just make sure I give my son extra attention? Win Dear Win, No child should be ignored or treated badly, especially by their grandparents. It's not good for your children's sibling relationship and there's the potential for your son to develop self-esteem and confidence issues. Getting this out in the open is better than letting it fester fester /fes·ter/ (fes´ter) to suppurate superficially. fes·ter v. 1. To ulcerate. 2. To form pus; putrefy. n. An ulcer. . Perhaps she doesn't realise how she favours your daughter and doesn't intend to hurt your son's feelings, so she needs a gentle reminder. If nothing changes, she should not be allowed to spend time with your daughter either. That's how important this is. Write to: Dr Miriam Stoppard, FREEPOST, Daily Mirror, 1 Canada Square
Canada Square is a public square at Canary Wharf, on the Isle of Dogs in London's Docklands. , Canary Wharf
Canary Wharf is a large business development in London, located on the Isle of Dogs in the London Borough of Tower Hamlets, centred on the old West India Docks in , London E14 5BR. Or text: MIRIAM and your problem, including your name and town, to 84080. Texts cost 25p. Or email: miriam@mirror.co.uk Sorry, she cannot reply personally tip OF THE DAY child. your "Don't smack your child. Send them to the naughty step. That way, you'll get time out to calm down too, instead of resorting to violence" |
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