ADVICE; A PROBLEM SHARED.Byline: MIRIAM STOPPARD Booze Booze sold cheap whiskey in a log-cabin bottle. [Am. Hist.: Espy, 152–153] See : Drunkenness is destroying mum Dear Miriam, After many years, my mum has now been declared an alcoholic. Since it became official, she has used it as an excuse to drink more. She has been on a detox de·tox v. To subject to detoxification. n. A section of a hospital or clinic in which patients are detoxified. course and it failed. The doctors warned her she will kill herself if she doesn't stop and even that hasn't prevented her from boozing. I don't know what to do any more. I really worry for my younger brothers and sisters who witness this daily. I've just had a baby - her first grandchild - but I don't want my baby to witness her drunk and stumbling stumbling an abnormal gait in which the animal does not fully extend the limb, the plantar surface is not properly placed with respect to the ground surface at the time of impact so that the limb is likely to collapse and the animal to fall. around. I'm at breaking point. She is so nice when she isn't drinking and I hate to watch her slowly killing herself. I want her to see her granddaughter grow up but it won't happen at the rate she's going. I love her but it's not enough. What else can I do? YOUR VERDICT: You've got to be tough with her My mum used to be an alcoholic until I got pregnant. I told her she would never see her grandchild while she was an alcoholic. During my pregnancy she worked hard and became free from booze before I gave birth. She came to visit her grandchildren a few hours after she was born and I was so proud of her. She hasn't touched a drop since and realises what a mess she was making of her life and everyone else's around her. Withdrawing her pleasures may work for your mum too. Carolyn, Truro, Cornwall Watching a loved one destroy themselves with drink is hard, I know - only mine was my partner. We had two beautiful children, yet he still continued drinking. For 10 years I tried to get him to stop until I realised the bad effect it was having on my children and we left. Sometimes, as much as you try, you really can't help someone if they don't want to be helped. Maybe it'll be best to just get on with your own life - if your mum wants to stop drinking, she will. You're a brilliant daughter and have done your best to help your mum. Be proud of your efforts but don't put your life on hold for your mum. Focus on enjoying your daughter. Paula, Swansea Drunks, like smokers and constant adulterers, care only for themselves. No amount of arguing will change anything. Have a last word with her doctor and explain just how bad she is. But it does seem everything has been done to help your mum, yet she seems too selfish to give up drinking. You do not have to let your mother see her granddaughter if she is at risk. It'll be her loss in the end. Del, email Keep on at your mum to stop drinking in the hope it gets through one day. I wouldn't let her be around your baby when she's drunk - tell her so. She'd only have to stumble and fall on your baby or drop her. Take her to her doctor and get help from organisations. She'll eventually see sense and realise she's missing out on being a grandmother. Ava, West London West London is the area of Greater London to the west of Central London. Although it is only ambiguously defined, it is one of the most economically active areas of London outside of the centre, containing significant amounts of office space along with Heathrow Airport and many of MIRIAM'S VERDICT: She needs a family wake-up call I feel the difficulty of the situation you're in with your mother. In her particular case, I don't think a detox program is the best answer. I think she should enter a program where there's a lot of support. I believe you have to persuade her to go to Alcoholics Anonymous Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), worldwide organization dedicated to the treatment of alcoholics; founded 1935 by two alcoholics, one a New York broker, the other an Ohio physician. and start on the 12-step program. It is extremely successful, largely because everyone is sponsored by an ex-alcoholic who can help them through tough times. AA helps alcoholics to make not drinking a way of life. I can well understand why you're at breaking point because you love your mum and want her in your life. You want her to see her grandchild and you want your grandchild to have a lovely grandma. But I don't think you can allow the situation to continue and you're right to put your little girl first. In being firm with your mum, there may be a solution to stopping her drinking. A very old friend of mine was in a similar situation with her daughters and grandchildren, who were witnessing her drunk and behaving in an embarrassing way. She adored her grandchildren and one daughter said she would not allow her mother to see them until she had stopped drinking and had kicked the habit for good. Most grannies, and particularly nice ones like your mum, would rather walk over hot coals than not see their grandchildren. I think if you give her this ultimatum ultimatum (ŭl'tĭmā`təm), in international law, final, definitive terms submitted by one disputant nation to the other for immediate acceptance or rejection. it would act like a wake-up call. You may find that it gives her the strength and the willpower to stop drinking. Encourage her by saying you'll give her all the support she needs. YOU CAN HELP: Jealous of his little daughter I've been with my boyfriend for a year and he's asked me to marry him. I said yes but I'm having doubts. He has a three-year-old daughter with his ex-girlfriend and I can't help but be jealous of them. He takes his daughter out every other weekend and it makes me wonder what things will be like when we move in together. I do love going out with her but I know in my heart she's not mine. Of course, I want to try for a baby soon but then there will be two little ones young children. See also: Little . I worry how we'll cope financially as he spends a lot on her already and there are the maintenance payments. I just wish things could be perfect with only me and him. Yes, I know I can't ignore the child but this wasn't how I planned things to be. Am I being silly? EACH TUESDAY we print a problem that gives YOU a chance to tell us your views. ABOVE is the dilemma we presented a fortnight fort·night n. A period of 14 days; two weeks. [Middle English fourtenight, alteration of fourtene night, fourteen nights : Old English f ago, with your solutions. The best advice you send on the problem BELOW appears in two weeks. Write to: Dr Miriam Stoppard, FREEPOST, Daily Mirror, 1 Canada Square
Canada Square is a public square at Canary Wharf, on the Isle of Dogs in London's Docklands. , Canary Wharf
Canary Wharf is a large business development in London, located on the Isle of Dogs in the London Borough of Tower Hamlets, centred on the old West India Docks in , London E14 5BR. Or email: miriam@mirror.co.uk Sorry, she cannot reply personally |
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