ADOPTING PATIENCE BRINGING A CHILD HOME FROM ABROAD HAS NEVER BEEN EASY, BUT THE REWARDS ARE WORTH IT FOR THESE FAMILIES.

Byline: Valerie Kuklenski

Staff Writer

Among the most precious possessions in Alice and Gregg Goldstone's Valley Village home are two little bags of dirt.

The two parcels, wrapped in red velvet, carry the soil of the provinces of China where their daughters, Hannah Mei, 9, and Tess Jinna, 5, were born, with a saying that translates to "China has not abandoned you."

In fact, China is seeking to keep more of its daughters within its borders and exercise greater caution in adoption after more than a decade of releasing thousands of them to foreign parents each year.

The change is a response to an anticipated shortage of girls caused by the country's one-child population control policy and its cultural favoritism toward sons and a spike in adoption applications.

The Goldstones' daughters are among the 6,000-plus children, the great majority of them female, who are adopted each year from China by American parents.

Tabloid accounts of Angelina Jolie's and Madonna's new additions to their families give the impression that international adoption is a snap, but veterans of the process know otherwise.

New regulations

With China's new restrictions taking effect this week, and the looming possibility that Guatemala will suspend its foreign adoptions, the ordeal of bringing a child from those countries to the United States isn't getting any easier.

With rare exceptions for children with disabilities, new terms issued by the China Center for Adoption Affairs eliminate parents who have had tumors, are overweight with a body mass index of 40 or higher, are single or have been married less than two years.

They also rule out parents who have taken antidepressant medications.

"A lot of adoption professionals are horrified by that," said Liz Falker, a New York attorney specializing in adoption and author of the new "Ultimate Insider's Guide to Adoption."

"It is far better to be a happy, healthy parent on Zoloft than to be pulling your hair out so you can adopt from China," she said.

Falker, who adopted her son and daughter in the U.S., says the Guatemalan government may suspend foreign adoptions to iron out its inconsistent policies. It's one of very few nations that permits adoptions managed by attorneys instead of agencies.

And the average cost for international adoptions is $25,000 to $35,000, thousands higher than many domestic referrals, because of travel costs and additional paperwork.

Reasons to go abroad

Given all the complications in a process that sometimes appears so simple, why do parents choose to adopt from foreign countries? There are many reasons, some practical and some emotional.

Falker welcomed her children, David, 5, and Samantha, 1, without serious complications. However, American adoption law is written in favor of birth parents' rights, increasing the odds that an adoption at home will fall through.

"You can't compare that to knowing that your child you adopt internationally has been certified an orphan by the government," she said.

Others prefer the closed adoption ensured by accepting a child from an orphanage out of the country -- and the more predictable timetable that international adoption affords.

For the Rev. Jimmy Bartz and his wife, Cindy, of Los Angeles, it was a desire to expand what already was to be a life-changing experience.

They conceived their son, Jas, 5, with the help of a fertility specialist, then decided to grow their family through adoption.

"Pregnancy was one cool adventure, and I wanted a different sort of adventure," said Bartz, 36, who operates an Episcopal mission station in Venice. "We already had a boy, and we knew we'd almost certainly get a girl in China.

"As we became invested in the process, the more we fell in love with being connected with this different culture in a lifelong, exciting way."

Seventeen-month-old Virginia Jade, who goes by her middle name, joined their family in October, some 18 months after her new parents initiated the adoption.

"We expected it to be nine to 12 months, but things kind of slowed down as we entered the process. And I understand things are quite a bit slower now," Bartz said.

The Goldstones spent years in fertility treatments before turning to adoption as the path to parenthood. After some domestic arrangements did not work out, they looked to China.

"We thought, whatever country we end up going to, it should be a country that we like, that we want to know more about, that we want to bring into our family, because we consider ourselves a biracial family now," said Alice, whose movie producing credits include Disney's "Home on the Range" and "Hercules."

One family, two cultures

"We both love China. I'd been a few times to Taiwan and Hong Kong on business trips, and Gregg had studied Chinese at NYU."

Alice has since studied Mandarin, and her daughters are being instructed in it in after-school classes with other adopted children.

"We definitely have brought a lot of Chinese culture into our family," she said. "So my kids learn how to make strudel, but I learn how to make dumplings."

Even in a multinational city like Los Angeles, she said strangers sometimes questioned her with a critical tone as to why she adopted in China while some U.S. children need homes.

"You don't want to go into your whole life story, but it's complicated here," she said. "Our intention at that point was we just wanted to be parents, and we want to get on with ballet practice and doing homework."

Hannah Mei, a third-grader, has a passion for math, science and reading and enjoys playing the violin. Tessie, the kindergartner, is outgoing, with an appetite for performing and making art.

Gregg, creative director for a Web branding agency, noted that since the early '90s, about 50,000 Chinese girls have settled in U.S. homes.

"You've got a growing community of these girls who are somewhere around 10, 12, 13, who are now bumping into being teenagers," he said. "There's going to be a whole community of women who are a force to be reckoned with, I'll tell you. These are strong people."

Hannah Mei and Tess always have known about their adoption, from the days they sat on their parents' laps and looked at scrapbooks with pictures of their adoptions. Alice says they continue to have questions about their background that become deeper as the girls mature in their understanding.

"It's not the start in life anyone would want. It's something they always will have to grapple with," she said. "You've lost your culture, you've lost your birth parents. It's not a small thing. Of course, they're very, very, very much ours and always have been, it seems. But there was a time before us when they were in orphanages, and I have to think that's going to have an impact on who they are.

"You can't help that. All you can do is say, 'Well, you had a tough start in life, but your mom and dad are always going to be here for you.' "

Gregg is philosophical about the bumpy road to making their family.

"My theory is that we were blocked at every stage because our child was in China," Gregg said. "Of course we couldn't have a kid here, of course we couldn't adopt here. Our kids are in China. They're not born yet; you've got to wait. There's something really magical about it."

Valerie Kuklenski, [phone]

[e-mail]

RESOURCES

The U.S. State Department's Web site has up-to-date information regarding conditions and procedures concerning U.S. citizens adopting from other nations.

Go to www.travel.state.gov and click on "Intercountry Adoption."

Elizabeth Swire Falker's new book, "The Ultimate Insider's Guide to Adoption," released in November, offers questions prospective parents should ask themselves about international adoption before initiating the process. It also includes charts comparing different countries' terms of adoption, estimated costs and resource listings that cover agencies, dossier services, pediatric specialists and more.

"The Ultimate Insider's Guide to Adoption" (Warner Wellness; $15.99) is available at Barnes & Noble and Borders.

-- V.K.

CAPTION(S):

5 photos, box

Photo:

(1 -- cover -- color) Building a family

Adopting abroad brings new challenges

(2 -- 4 -- color) At left, Gregg and Alice Goldstone and daughters Hannah Mei, 9, left, and Tess Jinna, 5, live in Valley Village. Top, Alice and Hannah show off Tess' footprint while the family was completing the baby's adoption in China. Above, a Buddhist monk holds Tess while the family was in China.

(5 -- color) It took 18 months for Cindy and Jimmy Bartz to adopt Jade, age 17 months, in China. The complicated process begins before the child is even born.

David Sprague/Staff Photographer

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RESOURCES (see text)