ABUSED GIRLS GAIN STRENGTH FROM CAMARADERIE.

Byline: CAROL ROCK Staff Writer

They arrived Saturday quiet and pensive, some sitting with their arms crossed, challenging anyone to break into their self-created fortresses.

They left with open arms and hard hugs, extracting a promise that they would be able to meet again.

These girls, many of them victims of abuse or neglect, had seen it all. What mattered now was that they wanted to see each other again and draw from the power of sisterhood.

Terri Cadiente, the day's hostess, was moved to tears more than once. As founder of the Ragdoll Restoration Foundation, which helps young women with a parent in prison, she wasn't sure how the first Raise the Bar day for girls would go.

``When you leave here, I want you to know you are loved, accepted and valued,'' she told the group of 50 girls and their mentors gathered in a tent at the Paseo Club. ``Your past is no indication of your future. We think change is going to rock our world, but change just means a new perspective.''

Cadiente shared with the girls her hard-luck background, telling them how she hit bottom using drugs before deciding to change her life.

Shortly after that happened, her sister gave birth to Tiffany while she was in prison, giving Terri a chance to start anew and provide a positive role model while she raised her niece.

Tiffany, now a bright 18-year-old college student, stood by her aunt's side, sharing her feelings for her mother, who left prison but decided that drugs were preferable to domestic life.

The girls leaned forward, listening intently. These weren't just well-off women lecturing. These women -- one of them very close to their age -- had walked in their shoes and been able to turn their lives around.

Others also shared their tales, including some speakers who taught the girls basic martial arts.

``Five people in my family committed suicide, I was kidnapped and molested and I was taken advantage of when I was young,'' said Spice Williams-Crosby, a 54-year-old muscular redhead. ``I've always wanted to make it easier to help kids find their own power.

``When I was brought up, girls were seen but not heard,'' she said. ``I want to show the girls that there are rules and tools; we respect each other and want to teach them to respect themselves.''

Williams-Crosby and other stuntwomen took the girls through several defensive situations, teaching them how to protect themselves and prevent abusive situations.

``We teach them the six rules,'' said Williams-Crosby. ``Who are they, what are they doing, why are they there, where are their hands, when do you feel endangered and how do you proceed?''

Mothers came to the event as well. Reyna, who asked that her last name not be used, brought her 10- and 15-year-old daughters for the lessons and so they could meet other girls in their situation.

``Their father was incarcerated and deported two years ago, so he's out of our lives,'' she said. ``I spend a lot of time talking and doing things with my kids. I let them know I made a choice and they are the only ones who can make choices for themselves.

``There are wounds that will not heal. All I ask of them is good grades and if they think they are close to making a bad choice, think of me. This is our life now.''

Dr. Lorraine Stern spoke with the girls about sexuality, but found her planned presentation went out the window with the first comment.

``They directed the discussion. We didn't do much question-answering, but reacted to statements the girls would make,'' she said. ``These were tough girls, they've lived and knew much more than my 15-, 16-year-old patients. The next time we do this, I know I can't have an agenda.''

The girls were given tote bags filled with gifts that reflected the day -- skin and nail care products, notecards to send to their parents in prison, a ``Live in Love'' bracelet and items bearing the Ragdoll Restoration logo of a smiling cloth doll emblazoned with rhinestones.

As the girls left, each stopped to hug Terri and Tiffany, along with some of the presenters. A second Raise the Bar day is being planned for early 2007, Tiffany said.

``They didn't have to let us in, but they did and that's the cool part,'' Cadiente said, wiping her eyes. ``That's when impact happens. They came in here not wanting to be here and then they didn't want to go.''

For information on the Ragdoll Restoration Foundation, visit www.ragdollrestorationfoundation.org

carol.rock(at)dailynews.com

[phone]

CAPTION(S):

2 photos

Photo:

(1 -- 2) Instructor Spice Williams-Crosby of Van Nuys, above, demonstrates self-defense techniques during the Raise the Bar event at the Paseo Club in Valencia on Saturday morning. the event featured stuntwomen who taught self-defense techniques and other volunteers who helped teach self-esteem to a group of young girls whose parents are incarcerated. At left, instructors Chico Jones, 16, of Granada Hills and Sandy Gimpel of Valley Village demonstrate self-defense techniques.

Alex Collins/Special to the Daily News