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A wedding and a funeral for Corrie; Soap watch.

Byline: David Alexander

Coronation Street

PETER'S dilemma is solved when, after watching Star Trek, he invents a teleporter and then beams himself from the funeral to the wedding just in time.

No? Well after the actual solution, you'll wish he had.

Or that all the viewers had then transported themselves to a planet where unbelievable plots had been outlawed centuries ago.

That aside, expect the bushy- eyebrowed lad to go to tremendous lengths to attend both events at the same time.

Will he get away with it? Will Corrie's writers try to get even more mileage out of the situation?

Will they work things out so yet another cliffhanger follows - one that involves not just dim lass Shelley, conniving Tracy and suspicious Lucy, but an itemised phone bill as well?

Will the paramedics find us all lying flat out dead of disbelief in front of our television sets?

Meanwhile, Richard's funeral is as well attended as you might expect with the crowd inside the coffin outnumbering the one outside.

And Joe shows he's mature enough to accept Karen's decision by staging a romance to make her mad with jealousy - how could a girl resist?

Emmerdale ACROSS at Emmerdale, there's even more exciting goings-on than murder and deception - Jarvis is a cross-dresser.

Well, maybe not. But why else would he keep buying women's tights at the Post Office?

Edna gets Len to look into it, but he disappears ... as does everyone else who tries to find out the truth. Is Jarvis a transvestite serial killer? Has he made Len into a meat pie?

As if the tension isn't too great already, there's news of Stella the tortoise and Steph seduces Rodney and is still there in the morning.

But hold on, what's that in her bag? Will Nicola spoil things?

Meanwhile, Debbie gets closer to Charity. But when it looks like they might get to the "So, you were a prostitute, then? How was that for you?" discussion a distraction is needed and they play tennis, as you do.

EastEnders UNABLE to tell if Phil's guilty by the look on his face, Kate wears a wire and gets the Mitchell boy singing like a canary (not that the use of jail slang means he's guilty, you understand).

Time for a flashback to Portugal, where Lisa and Louise receive a visit from the scowling monkey- boy and some dangerous decisions are made.

Outside in a van, DCI Marsden thinks he has Phil, while Kate - as tends to happen when you hear a shaven- headed thug tell you about his past misdeeds - looks like she's fallen in love.

Hold on though. Is there a teeny chance that Phil might notice he's being stitched up?

River City IN case you haven't had your fill of lust, sneakiness and illicit passion (on TV, that is, your personal life is your own business) River City has Kirsty luring Russ upstairs with the old, "There's a fuse that needs changing" trick.

And Ruth confesses to Scott she still loves Cormac. Cormac? Where's that supposed to be set?

And at the equally oddly named Oyster Cafe, Lewis saves Gina from disaster - will she in turn be strongly attracted to him?
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Title Annotation:Features
Publication:Daily Record (Glasgow, Scotland)
Date:Mar 22, 2003
Words:532
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