A teen's own story.

How would you feel if a group of people walked up to you and asked you if you were gay and you didn't really know the answer yourself? That happened to me in tenth grade. My name is Emaleigh (pronounced just like Emily), and I'm 17, just starting my senior year of high school in the suburbs outside Philadelphia. At the beginning of tenth grade I was forced to "deal" with my sexuality. It was hard for me; until then I never really thought it was a big deal. I was brought up in a very diverse environment. My mother was kind of a hippie at heart, and I was always exposed to different kinds of lifestyles and people. When I was little I thought it didn't matter who you fell in love with because you could fall in love with anyone. Unfortunately, not all people think this way.

So in tenth grade I guess I had this obsession with Gillian Anderson, Scully from The X-Files (oh, come on, who doesn't?). I always used to talk about her in my first-period art class. I didn't think it was a big deal--she's a really interesting, intelligent, beautiful, talented person--but these kids started telling people I was gay, and then they had the nerve to come up to me and ask me to my face. I was scared out of my mind. Every time it happened I just stood there, looking around the room to see if someone was listening. I wanted someone to tell them to stop, but my teacher never intervened. I didn't really feel as if I had anyone I could go and talk to at school. I stopped going to the class--I couldn't take it anymore.

Fortunately, I began to meet some teachers in my school who helped me to feel comfortable--one in particular, Colby Berger. I remember the day we met. We started to talk, and it just went on; I never intended for us to converse for so long. Because I felt--and still feel--so safe with her, we quickly became friends. The subject of homosexuality came up a lot in our conversations, always in a positive context--Colby's way of letting me know that she was an ally. After five or six months I told her I was gay. She was the first person I ever told.

Colby introduced me to an organization called the Main Line Youth Alliance. Founded by two Philadelphia-area educators, Linda Ardao and Janice Pinto, in April 1996, MYA represents the commitment of one generation to the next. It provides a safe setting for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered youth--as well as straight and questioning kids--and their families to meet, socialize, and share experiences. MYA advocates respect toward everyone, which is something our society seems to lack right now, especially for homosexuals. It's a fabulous program that helps us all become self-confident, constructive members of our communities.

Now I'm on the board of MYA, and I know how important it is. It's the only group for sexual minority youth and their families in the Philadelphia suburban area; kids travel from all over to come to the meetings. All the people who work to keep it going volunteer their time. They are some of the most compassionate, caring, and socially conscious individuals I know. They all recognize that it's really hard to be a teen these days, and it's even harder if you're gay.

I know firsthand how lonely it can be if you're "different." Not only am I gay, I'm also biracial. I take a lot of shit for being who I am. It's hard, but I'm not going to change--I like who I am. During my junior year I struggled with depression. I was able to overcome it because I decided that society was not going to shove me way back in the closet and lock the door. I've seen so many other kids who are questioning their sexuality and beating themselves up because they think they don't have anywhere to turn. For these reasons I founded a gay-straight alliance at my school that last year attracted about 60 kids.

Most people like to think there aren't any gay kids out there. That's far from the truth--there are, and I'm one of them. I look around my environment and our society, and I see so much hate. The only way I can seem to feel better about the situation we live in is to look at how things got the way they are and try my best to change them--in my own life, in the lives of the other kids at school and in MYA, and in the lives of all the other kids out there just like me.

Ardron Doley is a member of the class of 2001.