A saint by any other name.A modest proposal to gently edit the calendar of feast days It was during Mass on the Feast of the Annunciation Annunciation dove and lily pictured with Virgin and Gabriel. [Christian Iconography: Brewer Dictionary, 645] Elizabeth Mary’s old cousin; bears John the Baptist. [N.T. this year that the dull stodginess of the religious calendar hit me foursquare. Here was one of the most poignant, revealing, and personal days of the Catholic year, and all we said of it on calendars and in Mass schedules was "The Annunciation of Our Lord." An accurate term, no question, but isn't the phrase a little, well ... flat, impersonal, formal, just-the-facts-ma'am? How incongruous that a faith so based on stories written (scripture) and told (tradition), so centered on a miraculous storyteller, so admiring of the stories of its greatest men and women that it honors them with feast days all year long, should account for these great days with the sorts of terse phrases you might write on file folder tabs or memo heads. Thus I herewith present for cheerful debate a draft list of renamed feast days: January 4: Feast of the Tough New York City New York City: see New York, city. New York City City (pop., 2000: 8,008,278), southeastern New York, at the mouth of the Hudson River. The largest city in the U.S. Lady Who Bore Five Children and Then Her Husband Died and Somehow She Managed to Bring Up the Children Alone and on the Side Founded Schools and Established a Religious Order as if She Didn't Have Enough to Do (Elizabeth Seton). January 24: Feast of the Guy Who Recovered From Being a Lawyer (Francis de Sales
Saint Francis de Sales (in French, St François de Sales ). January 28: Feast of the Saint the Size of a Sumo sumo: see wrestling. sumo Japanese form of wrestling.A contestant loses if he is forced out of the ring (a 15-ft circle) or if any part of his body except the soles of his feet touches the ground. Wrestler, Who Memorized All Scripture in Two Years, Was Nicknamed the Dumb Ox, Prayed So Hard He Floated Into the Air (Despite His Being Bigger Than a Bus) and Heard Christ Say From the Crucifix: "Thou Hast Written Well of Me," Which Certainly Made His Day (Thomas Aquinas). March 24: Feast of the Swedish Girl Who on the Night of Her Marriage Somehow Persuaded Her New Husband to Join Her in a Vow of Chastity All Their Lives, and Wouldn't You Have Loved to Be a Fly on the Wall for That Conversation? (Catherine of Vadstena Saint Catherine of Sweden, Catherine Vastanensis or Catherine of Vadstena (c. 1332 – 24 March, 1381) is the patron saint of protection against abortion and miscarriage. ) March 25: Feast of the Day That an Angel Appeared to the Teenaged Mary and Told Her She Was Pregnant, Upon Which Mary Politely Noted a Little Technical Problem as Re: Pregnancy, and the Angel Told Her, "Hey, All Things Are Possible in the Lord, and in Fact Your Cousin Elizabeth, Etc.," and Mary Said, "Hey, I'm Cool With That" (Annunciation). April 11: Feast of the Patron of Bad Backs, Who Kept Hammering on Saint Gabriel's Door Until Finally She Was Completely Cured (Gemma Galgani). April 21: Feast of the Italian Guy Who Sowed His Wild Oats and Then Became a Priest and a Strident Defender of Celibacy as a Really Good Thing (Anselm). April 29: Feast of the Youngest of 25 Children Who Could Neither Read nor Write but Sure Could Dictate and Who Was Such a Dynamo That the Pope Gave Her the Power to Absolve ab·solve tr.v. ab·solved, ab·solv·ing, ab·solves 1. To pronounce clear of guilt or blame. 2. To relieve of a requirement or obligation. 3. a. To grant a remission of sin to. Sins (Catherine of Siena Catherine of Si·en·a , Saint 1347-1380. Italian religious leader who mediated a peace between the Florentines and Pope Urban VI in 1378. ). May 30: Feast of the French Teenager Who Heard Voices That Told Her at Age 16 to Collect an Army and Whip the English, Which by Golly She Did but Then Was Captured and Burned at Age 19 (Joan of Arc Joan of Arc, Fr. Jeanne D'Arc (zhän därk), 1412?–31, French saint and national heroine, called the Maid of Orléans; daughter of a farmer of Domrémy on the border of Champagne and Lorraine. ). June 29: Feast of the Patron Saints of Rockheads (Peter) and of People Who Get Tossed Off Horses (Paul). August 10: Feast of the Patron Saint of Barbecues, Tanning Booths, and Eggs Over Easy This is an article about the pub band. For the egg dish see Fried egg. Eggs over Easy is one of the earliest pub rock groups of the 1970s. They began recording in 1970 (see 1970 in music) with producer Chas Chandler (of the Jimi Hendrix Experience), but various label problems , Who While Being Roasted on a Gridiron Told His Executioners, "Fellas, I'm Done on This Side, Why Not Turn Me Over?" (Lawrence) September 18: Feast of the Guy Who Whenever He Heard the Name of God Would Pop Into the Air and Kneel There High Above the Altar and So Became the Patron Saint of Aviators (Joseph of Cupertino Saint Joseph of Cupertino (or Giuseppe da Copertino, born Giuseppe Maria Desa) (June 17, 1603 – September 18, 1663) is an Italian saint. He was said to have been remarkably unclever, but prone to miraculous levitation,[1] ). November 10: Feast of the Tuscan Who Faced Down Attila the Hun at the Gates At the Gates are a Swedish melodic death metal band. They are one of the forebears of the Gothenburg sound of heavy metal along with other bands of the Gothenburg metal scene like Dark Tranquillity and In Flames. of Rome, Supposedly Helped by Saint Peter, Who Appeared to Attila and Threatened to Cut off His Hunnish Ears (Leo the Great). November 13: Feast of the First Yankee to Hit Sainthood (Frances Cabrini). November 25: Feast of the Woman Who Outtalked 50 Philosophers at Once (Catherine of Alexandria Saint Catherine of Alexandria, also known as Saint Catherine of the Wheel and The Great Martyr Saint Catherine (Greek ἡ Ἁγία Αἰκατερίνη ἡ ). December 6: Feast of the Patron Saint of Relief Pitchers, Who Whistled Three Golden Balls Through a Window to Provide Three Unmarried Girls With Dowries (Nicholas). December 8: Feast of the Belief That the Madonna Had No Sins, No, Not a Single One Ever--Not Even Borrowing a Ream of Copy Paper or Accidentally Walking Home With a New Pen (Immaculate Conception). December 21: Feast of the Guy who Just Had to Put His Fingers in Christ's Side, So Becoming the Patron Saint of All Who Waver and Waggle in Their Faith, Which Is to Say All of Us (Thomas). By BRIAN DOYLE, the editor of Portland Magazine and the author of Credo (St. Mary's Press, 1999), a collection of essays about faith. |
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