A pseudo-history of alphabetical characters.

These are naivist, intuitive pictographic theories of whence our alphabet got into the shape it's in today, based on what today's letters look like. Try your head at imagining pseudo-credible origins for them, freely allowing anachronisms. With luck, you won't get arrested for it. And with my examples as standards, you can't possibly embarrass yourself. Or try serif letters for a totally different set of depictures.

pictogram   what it depicts                    root word (If more
                                               than one, authorities
                                               diagree.)

       A    Jane Fonda video exercise          Athleticism, Arse-up
            position, rear view

       B    Dolly. Parton, top view            Bust, Breasts, Bra,
                                               Bosom, Boobs, Bazooms

       C    a-worm trying to swallow           Curl, Can't-.reach!
            its own tail (see 0)

       D    half an empty capsule              Drugs

       E    three blind mice running           Eyeless, Errant,
            up against a wall                  triple Embarrassment

       F    figure skater in a one-leg spin,   Figure (it out)
            head and arms back

       G    profile of man with a beard or     Goatee, Gurgle
            slobbering baby

       H    erect intercourse,                 Hold-up-there!
            highly diagrammatic

       I    naughty French postcard of same,   Indecent
            side view

       J    umbrella in extreme wind           Jerk-off

       K    cardboard box of water             Kismet vs. Karma
            after the bottom gives             (competing
                                               philosophies re it)

       L    same, a little later               Leaking-complete

       M    anorexic at are- ob-gyn exam       Malnutrition

       N    chest and left arm of same,        Nothingness
            flexing muscles at us

       O    map of the globe                   Oceanworld, Omigod,
            after total- ice melt              Ouroboros

       P    same, pointing to where            Queenslandocean, Quit!
            Australia used to be

       Q    pissing into the wind              Peeing-in-one's-own-
                                               face

       R    a matronly lady has                Run-for-cover,
            lost her head                      Return-it-please

       S    less than an 8                     Severe, Six

       T    drinking through a straw           Tea (Tea thru a
                                               straw??
                                               The latest fashion?)

       U    Here's where the other half        Unearthed, Ununited
            of that capsule went!

       V    gorgeous gorge                     Valley, Vagina,
                                               Vertigo

       W    A giant wabbit is about to         Wabbit, Walrus
            grab you from overhead.            (in-case it-isn't-
                                               a-wabbit-after-all)

       X    a menage a quatre                  X-rated

       Y    "the-end is near-!"                Yay Yoni, or Yelp
            triumph or agony

       Z    zigzag                             Zigzag

ANIL

Perth, Australia