A lesson in coming out.

Each time I drive by a cemetery, I Think not just of the people who died but also of the dreams that were never lived. To evolve as individuals we must endure our share of nightmares. Yet we have a right and responsibility to revel in our achievements.

My coming-out in The Advocate (July 22) was engineered to inspire our community to recognize that homosexuals can succeed professionally, personally, and socially. Winning Mr. USA International 1997 was a dream come true. My coming-out was a necessity. The thought of then being targeted by the media as a "gay teacher" was a nightmare. However, what resulted was yet another dream come true: acceptance. The New York City media did indeed focus on my being openly gay and a teacher, but I was immediately bombarded with messages from colleagues, friends, and strangers supporting what they called a "courageous" announcement. That support is reassurance that my coming-out was the right thing to do.

Inspiration to stand up and be counted came from many: the men who wore pink triangles and died in concentration camps; the unsung heroes who endured adversity for being true to themselves and announcing they are gay; Rosa Parks, who stood the tallest by staying in her seat, thus sparking the civil rights movement.

Is coming out for everyone? No. Is it our right and responsibility to do so? Absolutely. It was unheard-of for those of us who are 30-something or older to have had an openly gay role model when we were young. Homosexuals weren't depicted in the media in a positive light, if at all. At least that was my experience.

As a professional and, responsible individual who happens to be gay, I aspire to convey to everyone that our sexual orientation is, as stated by my school board president in a local New Jersey newspaper, a "non-issue." My sexual orientation doesn't make me a better teacher. It doesn't make me a better anything. Nevertheless, my honesty in admitting my sexuality does make me, I feel, a better person. I am not queer, for I am not strange. I am a homosexual who is finally gay for coming out. No longer do I have to bide, fear, or make excuses.

I view my coming-out to be a responsibility. Appreciation is extended to Greg Louganis, Ellen DeGeneres, Mitchell Anderson, Elton John, Pedro Zamora, k.d. lang, Melissa Etheridge, and Martina Navratilova as well as Bob Paris and Rod Jackson, who used their status as models and bodybuilders to inspire us. I also applaud David Geffen, Rep. Barney Frank, and architect Rogerio Carvalheiro, all of whom have found success in business and have courageously stepped forward to inspire gay men and lesbians. Yes, we can succeed in avenues outside the spotlight.

There is definitely a dearth of role models who reflect the personal goals of gays and lesbians who want to make their mark in the more traditional professions. There aren't enough openly gay doctors, lawyers, educators, bankers, and corporate businesspeople. We all have a responsibility to share our professional and personal success stories.

The National Youth Advocacy Coalition in Washington, D.C., cites studies showing that homosexual youth are up to four times more likely to attempt and commit suicide and twice as likely to be drug and alcohol abusers. The coalition also cites studies placing young men, particularly young men of color, in a high-risk category for HIV infection.

Homosexual adults have a responsibility to be teachers--mentors to one another and to our youth. We must all be teachers to one another in a quest to foster self-acceptance and prosperity. We must demonstrate to gay youth that we live responsible, healthy, and gratifying lives, then teach them how to achieve these qualities in their own lives.

The next time you pass by a cemetery, think not just of the people who have died but also of your dreams that have yet come to life. Then see them, believe them, achieve them! Seek out mentors. Be a mentor. It's our right. It's our responsibility.