A laugh a day, is the way.

What have you laughed about today? Come on, surely there was something. Did something or someone bring at least a smile to your face and heart? Did you smile at anyone? We get to choose our reactions, you know. Choose to live with a lighter perspective. Here are some miscellaneous topics to help you on your way to a dose of daily humor.

Kids

"A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised. "mine says I'm four to six." (e-mail 2005)

"Some Days just have more RULES than FUN." ("Dennis the Menace", cartoon, Hank Ketcham, 09/27/07)

Mrs. Wilson: "These cookies were made from scratch, Dennis." Dennis: "... and I'm sure ITCHIN for some." ("Dennis the Menace", cartoon, Hank Ketcham, 09/17/07)

Mom: "The new washer and dryer are coming today! This is the most exciting thing that's happened to me in a long time!" Son to Dad: "Dude, you gotta start trying harder!" ("Zits", cartoon, Scott and Borgmon, 8/28/07)

A Woman's Week at the Gym

'Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess--with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning, and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other junk too.

THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late. It took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine--which I sank.

FRIDAY:

I hate that witch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little poop) will choose a gift for me that is fun--like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!! (e-mail 09/07)

"Have you ever had an out-of-body experience?" "If I had, do you think I'd have come back to this body?" ("Kudzu", cartoon, Doug Marlette, 07/25/07)

Minister leaning over casket talking to funeral Director: "Don't he look unnatural?!" Director: "Don't blame me! He wanted it this way ... a complete post-mortem make-over! The hairpiece, nose job, liposuction, lifts, open-neckshirt, gold chain, collagen implants ..." Minister: "... the whole nine yards." Director: "What do you make of it?" Minister: "End-life crisis!" ("Kudzu", cartoon, Doug Marlette, 07/22/07)

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50 or, If you're not over 50, this is what you have to look forward to ...

1. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

2. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you???"

3. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

4. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

5. Things you buy now won't wear out.

6. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

7. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

8. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

9. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.

10. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

11. You sing along with elevator music.

12. Your eyes won't get much worse.

13. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

14. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

15. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

16. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

17. You can't remember where you got this list! Share this with anyone you can remember!!

Senior Bumper Stickers

"One good thing about Alzheimers ... you get to meet new people everyday.

Florida, God's Waiting Room.

Senior Campbell's. New Large Type Alphabet Soup

Sometimes I wake up grumpy ... and some day I let him sleep.

That Snap Crackle Pop in the morning ain't my freaking Rice Krispies.

Retirement, twice as much husband, half as much money.

At my age, flowers scare me.

I'm not losing my hair ... I'm getting more head.

When did my wild oats ... turn to prunes and bran?

It ain't the age. It's the darn mileage.

Support Bingo, Keep grandma off the streets." (www.prncaregivers.com/Humor.htm)

How smart is Your Right Foot?

"Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon.... This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's preprogrammed in your brain!

1. WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY....) and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction." (e-mail, 2006)

You feel better now, don't you?

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Diane Sears, RN, MS, ONC