A family meal the beginning of child's good food habits.

Byline: BIRTH TO THREE by Carolyn Raab For The Register-Guard

`I'm not going to eat that." Mealtime struggles can be common as preschoolers learn to feed themselves. What should parents do?

Child feeding isn't just a parental responsibility. Children have a role, too, says Ellyn Satter, a registered dietitian, family therapist and author. Parents decide what, when and where, she says. Children decide how much.

Parents decide what food is offered to the child.

Include a variety of nutritious foods in your child's meals and snacks If possible, involve your child in making choices. Encourage him to taste unfamiliar foods. Young children learn by observing. Parents can set a good example by eating foods that are served.

Parents decide when foods are served to the child.

Try to schedule meals and snacks at regular times every day. That makes it easier for your child to decide how much to eat. Offer snacks 2 to 3 hours before meals so that she will be hungry at mealtime.

Parents decide where the food will be eaten.

Explore ways to adjust individual schedules to allow time to eat a meal together and find a place - this could be a blanket on the floor if a table isn't available. Turn off the television so you can talk and listen to each other. Start by putting at least one family meal a week on your calendar. Serve take-out food if that's a time saver. The important thing is eating together and sharing conversation.

Children decide how much to eat.

Trust young children to follow their inner cues and eat the amount of food that their bodies need. When given nutritious food choices, preschoolers appear to be able to balance what they eat with their energy needs. Good eaters can stop when they're full. On days when children aren't as hungry, excuse them from the meal. Don't force them to eat everything on their plate. Offer small servings and then give second helpings if they'd like more.

These serving sizes are appropriate for 4- to 5-year-olds:

Breads and cereals (6 servings each day): 1/2 to 1 slice of bread; 1/4- 1/2 cup rice or pasta; 1/2 cup breakfast cereal 

Vegetables (3 servings each day): 4 to 5 tablespoons of cooked vegetable; 1/2 cup raw leafy greens; 1/3 to 1/2 cup vegetable juice 

Fruits (2 servings each day): 1/2 to 1 medium whole fruit; 4 to 5 tablespoons chopped fruit; 1/3 to 1/2 cup fruit juice

Milk products (2 servings each day): 1/2 to 3/4 cup milk or yogurt; one-inch cube of cheese

Meat and other proteins (2 servings each day): 4 tablespoons cooked meat, poultry or fish; 1/2 cup cooked beans; 1 egg; 2 to 3 tablespoons peanut butter

When children eat a healthful diet, they may occasionally have small servings of less nutritious foods such as chips, cookies or soft drinks. Research shows that overly restricting foods such as these can lead children to eat too much of them when given the opportunity. Avoid offering less nutritious foods as a reward for eating healthier foods. That sends the wrong message.

Children benefit from eating meals together with their families. Research shows that they'll eat a wider variety of healthier foods at family mealtimes. Eating together is a chance for children to learn social skills (such as table manners, sharing) and conversational skills (taking turns, listening) by interacting with others.

Make your family meal environment pleasant by postponing stressful topics until another time. Talk about things of interest to your child. Everyone could tell stories, share something positive that happened that day or talk about family-related news.

Feeding young children can be challenging. Every family must tailor general guidelines to their own situation. When parents and children share feeding responsibilities, children can develop a foundation of good food habits.

The opinions expressed in this column are those of the writer. Birth To Three is a nonprofit organization dedicated to strengthening families through parent support and education. For more information about Birth To Three, call 484-4401. Carolyn Raab is a licensed dietitian.