A bloody good gamble can liven any occasion; PULLED OFF AT HALF-TIME.

Byline: James Milton

LONG car journeys, minor surgery, love-making - almost every occasion can be livened up by a bit of low-level betting.

At a recent wedding reception, I opened a book on which songs the disc jockey would play.

Sex On Fire by Kings of Leon was 1-4, Beyonce's Crazy In Love a 6-5 shot, and I dangled a tempting 33-1 about any Gary Glitter hit.

In the autumn sunshine, the happy couple had resembled new signings on the first day of the season - full of hope and promise, like a young Kleberson.

At dinner, I discussed the constitutional effects of Charles I's execution with a sexy young history teacher, while stealing sneaky glances down her cleavage.

Multi-tasking is ace. I'd already been buoyed by a pounds 2 profit on the everpopular 'Is there a lake in the grounds of this venue?' market (the burden of proof is on the 'yes' backer and puddles of beer or urine do not count).

Over-confidence was a factor, then, as I gleefully laid a fiver at 2-1 on Van Morrison's Have I Told You Lately That I Love You? If something looks too good to be true, it usually is. My mate, showing a distinct lack of class, had only found out what the first dance would be from the bride herself.

He kept his cool for the first couple of chords - even Morrison couldn't have identified the song by then - before brazenly claiming his winnings.

Rest assured, by the time Van the Man's vocals kicked in, that wrong 'un's Miltonbet account had been well and truly closed.