A Texas homesteader.

I have been receiving COUNTRYSIDE for four years now. I have been impressed by the wealth of information I have learned and am thankful for the encouragement to never give up. This is my pat on the back to you and everyone who has contributed to COUNTRYSIDE. Thank you for letting your thoughts consolidate my dreams into actual purpose with realistic, balanced, goal reaching.

I am 38 years old, married, homeschooling three of my four children and living what most people would call a successful, fulfilling life. My spouse is successful in his career and makes a very nice income. All of this adds up to a very nice existence until a closer look is taken.

I have always been an idealistic dreamer who was perfectly content to just dream for many years. I put up with all the disappointment that told me those dreams would never come true. But, as most of you know, things happen that act as a catalyst to transform current reality into a different reality.

In September, 1995, I was faced with a wake-up call that required every effort to make those dreams I held happen somehow. A water main in our former home town burst in the "get ready for work" hours of the morning. My husband's shower was finished downstairs (water goes down those pipes, right?). I poured two pitchers of water over him from those I filled as the water pressure dropped to nil. We were out of water almost all day, an inconvenience with a major lesson in it.

After this, I was depressed for over a week and couldn't figure out what was wrong. I sat, doing nothing, praying for understanding about what I was afraid of. I finally realized that the depression stemmed from the helplessness I felt in being unable to provide for my family. It became clear to me that for all of my supposed independence, I was still very dependent on others--more than I had ever realized, or wanted to be.

Please understand I am a fairly well-educated person with a very conservative, independent nature who is married to an "excellent" provider. I used to be so proud of how independent of government handouts I was. But, I had to realize that my water, electricity, gas, food, etc., were government supplied or subsidized, which meant I was every bit as dependent as someone who was on the obvious government welfare programs I spurned.

I took a second look at my house. Most houses around me, including mine, are built for entertainment, not survival. Fireplaces are ornamental, not functional. Appliances are dependent on electricity or gas (ranges, A/C, heater, dishwasher, fridge, etc.). I met the "grid" head on and I hated it.

This was quite a shock. I never before realized how far into the consumerism/dependency lifestyle we were, and still are.

Several things have changed. I am now learning the skills necessary to live free from the dependence culture. I want my dependence on my God and the abilities He gives me to live life. Weaning has not been easy nor necessarily enjoyable, as there have been many unpleasant discoveries along with the pleasant.

One of the most pleasant has been COUNTRYSIDE, a direct answer to my prayers for information on how to live a simpler life. I have learned much over the last four years, some good, some bad, all leading to change.

As I began to change goals, priorities and attitudes about how we were living our lives, a major obstacle to accomplishing anything toward independence was fierce opposition from my spouse. This was totally unexpected, especially since we had prayed for understanding in living the simpler life many years prior. Only recently have I learned why he was so opposed and his betrayal of all we married for has greatly hindered not only taking the plunge but even the simple determination of any future life together and how it is to be lived. Nevertheless, I did what I could in the circumstances. I began to gather information. When a good friend loaned me a copy of COUNTRYSIDE, I felt like I found a very good friend (good friends!). I subscribed and ordered as many back issues as I could. I am a voracious reader so I gathered my resources a bit at a time and I began the change. Some of the changes are now more internal than external but I believe the thinking of living is as important to change as the methods employed in living.

One unexpected change was a transfer from south central Kansas to coastal Texas in December, 1997. We bought a home on one acre. At this point my spouse and I agreed on very little concerning most aspects of our lives and this place broke every rule I had set for our next purchase. (In fact, I will probably never buy real estate again if a strict list of requirements is not met!) Easements, pipeline (though not in use), sprinkler system (never again!) and the house is such that we still require renting a 10'x10' storage unit for all the things that won't fit at home. All because he didn't want to wait for a better place. This has since proven to be a step to humble him that has also been his wake-up to some degree.

Our total disagreement on lifestyle choices and the subsequent unpleasant revelations I mentioned earlier were not the sort of realities one ever wants to face. So I make lemonade and I do have some positives to report. In spite of everything, I have learned to spin, knit, make soap, understand herb lore, simplify cooking requirements, to buy in bulk and how to store it all. I read COUNTRYSIDE forward and backward and learned to plan, record ideas (thanks to Bev Sandlin) and eliminate clutter. I also learned through all of this that I am a much stronger and more talented person than I ever believed.

There is a book of revelation in everyone's life. I have seen firsthand the destruction that comes when one gives up (as my spouse did). I have also seen what strength and character is developed through the struggles of overcoming hardships. To be fair, my spouse has expressed a willingness to do whatever is necessary to make my stolen dreams, hopes and desires possible for a future together. This I consider to be a breakthrough of sorts. Obviously, there is no "making it up to me" with all trust and respect destroyed, but with four children to consider, destroying their security isn't a pleasant option either. We are now looking for country acreage to purchase and all of that knowledge gathering is paying off. All these years of waiting have allowed me to determine what I want to do, how I want to do it and what I want around me. Plus it is fun to rattle off this and that piece of information through the looking process, knowing I have made informed, well-thought-out choices and plans.

All of this because someone wrote a letter to COUNTRYSIDE and I read it. I have expanded my resources and set my choices before me for land requirements, breed selection for stock, home business interests, gardening ideas and plant selection. I've studied coop and hutch designs, learned about year round gardening, bug prevention, predator control and many other considerations I would never have thought of on my own. If preparation is a necessity of homesteading, then I aim to perfect as many preparatory steps as possible.

Will I ever get beyond the sidewalks? Yes. Will I fail once there? No, because I won't ever give up wanting the improvement in my quality of life or my children's. I will succeed, mistakes and all, because my idealism has been tempered by practical reality. I am no longer naive about life or people, and this is a good thing. I can only give thanks that I know who I am now, that I found answers to my dilemma and that all these people whom I have never met shared their joys and sorrows, trials and successes. Thank you, thank you.

I am enclosing my thoughts on making this transition in the hope that I can return something, if only to amuse those who have helped me, or to help another who may be coming on board. These were milestones for me, the effect being the restructuring of my life for what is ahead. I talk to myself like this all the time, so you're getting it raw!

1. Making myself face reality: current reality as seen here, practical reality, unpleasant reality. All the goals on paper take time, energy and yes, money (trade, barter, rummage, purchase). How much time, energy and money? Find out. How tired am I going to be with each new activity/ animal added? How long does it take for A, B, C to get done or saved up for? Am I willing to learn? If so, the time necessary to learn a job/skill/routine is as important as all the other considerations. Otherwise, adjust the attitude by determining if the goal is realistic or the expectations too high. Is the goal something I really want or need? (This one hurt, because I wanted to do everything!) If I want this, then make the sacrifice and stop complaining. If not, adjust the goal by deciding if it is really relevant to my lifestyle.

2. Learn the discipline of work. It is so hard this side of the walks to remember that this is going somewhere, especially since I don't have to do it right now. A goal of rising at 4:30 A.M. seemed impossible at first, but other things prompted the attempt and I am doing it now! Now I consider it preparation for when the stock needs tending. Making sure my Sheltie is cared for properly and practicing simple record keeping with him is another step to meeting the goal. Keep on trying. Set up a chore list with daily, weekly, monthly, and other tasks so the transition demanded by reality is accomplished.

3. Learn, learn, learn. It is just as important and don't forget it. How long does it take to fix three meals a day and clean up? How long does it take to get grading done, plan school, plan life, clean the house and then balance it all? What are my unrealistic notions about time? I started using a timer for everything to learn to gauge the passage of time. I get so engrossed in what I am currently doing that hours feel like minutes and I am amazed that the time is gone. Learn who I am, what I like and dislike. What stuff do I keep, need, get rid of? How much money is saved by eating at home and how can I make the food taste good, even with all the diet changes? Learn to cook from scratch, how to store supplies. How can I clean with things that don't have to be bought or with non-chemical solutions? How do I get all of this stuff into its place, much less into the house? Get rid of clutter and junk!

4. Overcome prejudices and ignorance. Make yourself drink the goat milk. You like the cheese, just drink the stuff! I had to know if goats were even an option and liking the milk is the obvious first step. I like it and two of the four children like it. Learn to kill mice. If I cannot kill something harmful to me and my own, how can I butcher anything for food? My next goal is deer hunting. If I cannot pull the trigger on Bambi, then I have further to go than may be possible. Try all the herbs. This has proven frustrating as most of them taste like grass to me. I grew onions for the first time--really sweet and no sting! Sourdough and making yeast are also on the list. I am flat out scared of these messing up and hurting my family. The mental battle to overcome this one is fierce. Ask for that lumber, the used clothes, the discount for the dent. They can only say no. Learn that people are people and others are doing this. Learn to negotiate. Do it, make the mistake, take the hit, but give it a chance.

5. Keeping records. Yuck, yuck and more yuck. This has been a hard discipline with school because grading and planning take the time that I want to be spending on other things. I am finding that the few other records or notes I kept have provided useful information, so I keep at it. Plus, the notes have given another unexpected benefit: I find notations for time savings or shortcuts and I think again what this is all being done for. This discipline is the killer attitude challenge and the one I have to rise up to more diligently.

6. Rethink the value of money. I'm challenging myself to use all I buy, or learn to do without. A different magazine asked the question, "What do I have in my hand ?" The discipline has been fun and stimulating. I purchased a rotary egg beater so my electric one sits until I find the person who needs it. I made whipped cream with a whisk over Thanksgiving last year. I found muscles in my back I didn't know I had and it only took one minute longer. I discovered that hand-washing dishes was actually faster and cheaper than the machine. A monthly savings of $10 was nice, plus the dishes were put up when done--no waiting to run until the washer is full. I explored thrift and resale stores. With four children growing through sizes this was a major awakening. Ditto garage sales. I am far more aware of the waste around me so another challenge is before me to purchase items in containers I can reuse. (E.g., No More Tangles comes in a squirt bottle, two empties are now used for other solutions.). I cut our hair. I read The Tightwad Gazette books and am working through Your Money or Your Life. I am gaining awareness of every penny spent and how to cut my expenses.

7. Overcome the fear. This seems to be the one unspoken concern of those asking to get started. I am finding that fear is from a lack of knowledge, preconceived ideas that are wrong, or lack of faith. I believe firmly that our Creator is willing and able to give wisdom to those who ask. I ask constantly and find that those ideas that "pop" into my mind are new ways of looking at things or new sources of information. I realize now the great advantage I have with enjoying reading so much as there is soooo much to do! The main fears I face are that I will never get everything done to get ready, that I'll miss the opportunity when it comes, and the fear of the unknown. These fears are diminished with every new skill learned, hour saved or attitude changed. I am beginning to let myself believe that it is no longer if I get beyond the sidewalks, but when. That in itself is a big step because now things have more purpose and I maintain the determination to make the plunge.

All of this is ongoing, just like life. The next few months will tell if the 20 acres we are considering will be it. Then, it's bonsai (jump in with abandon)!

Thank you for being there. I hope you know you have accomplished a great thing in liberating yet another person.