A TIME TO MOURN GRIEVING FAMILIES, SURVIVORS GATHER THURSDAY TO REMEMBER VICTIMS AND HONOR RESCUERS.

Byline: Alex Dobuzinskis Staff Writer

ATWATER VILLAGE - Rita Tutino wasn't sure she wanted to attend Thursday's ceremony marking the first anniversary of the Metrolink crash in Glendale that killed 11 people, including her husband.

She hadn't visited the crash site before and didn't want to be where her husband, James, a Los Angeles County sheriff's deputy, took his last breath.

But in the end, she decided to be there for her family members, who wanted to attend, and for the firefighters and volunteers who saved the lives of others' loved ones on that tragic day.

``It meant a lot to know that maybe mine wasn't saved, but what awesome people,'' she said of those Costco employees who rushed to the scene Jan. 26, 2005, to do what they could. ``You know, in our lifetime we have doers and watchers, and thank God on that day these Costco people were doers.''

The Simi Valley woman was among dozens of grieving family members, survivors and police and fire officials who came together Thursday. The ceremony was held just yards away from where two Metrolink trains derailed a year ago in a chain-reaction crash allegedly caused by a man who parked his sport utility vehicle on the tracks.

Los Angeles City Councilman Eric Garcetti called on the audience to continue supporting the victims' families in the years ahead. Near the end of the ceremony, relatives of the victims released 11 doves from a box. The birds flew over the tracks and off toward the horizon.

Several Costco workers were called onto the stage for recognition. In the pre-dawn darkness before the crash, the workers ran to the wreckage, pulled out survivors and used fire extinguishers to control the flames until firefighters arrived.

One of those survivors was John Phipps.

``When I awoke, it was eerily silent. I was trapped, alone and bleeding,'' said Phipps, 45, who on the morning of the crash used his own blood to scrawl a brief note on a seat: ``I (heart) my kids ... I (heart) Leslie.''

``I made my peace with God. I left a goodbye message for Leslie and my kids. And I cried. Because while I was feeling sorry for myself - asking, Why me, Lord? - I realized that whatever had happened that had left our train looking the way it did from the inside, there had to have been people who were not as lucky as I was. There were 11.''

Paul Bennett, 45, of Simi Valley spoke of being treated like family by the Los Angeles Fire Department after the crash that took the life of his wife and ``best friend.'' Bennett's wife, Julia, worked as a senior clerk- typist for the department, and her father and grandfather had both been firefighters there.

``My life is like a black-and-white movie, and a lot of you put some color into it in this last year,'' Bennett said. ``And I want to thank you.''

Alex Dobuzinskis, [phone]

alex.dobuzinskis(at)dailynews.com

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2 photos

Photo:

(1 -- color) Paul Bennett hugs Los Angeles Fire Chief William R. Bamattre as daughter Brittney and mother-in-law Linda Gordon look on at Thursday's memorial to victims of the Jan. 26, 2005, Metrolink crash. Bennett's wife died in the accident.

(2) Candice Walker-Kilinski and Helen Kilinski-Dupuis hang a wreath Thursday on a photo of Henry Kilinski, Candice's husband and Helen's brother, who died in last year's Metrolink crash.

Hans Gutknecht/Staff Photographer