A SIDEWAYS GLANCE : X'S AND O'S . . . AND ALL THE OTHER LETTERS.

Byline: Tom Hoffarth

Admit it: Everything you've ever learned about football has come from TV.

Try hitting the books once in awhile, Paulie.

This fall, there's no shortage of gridiron-enlightening literature, some specifically aiming to give you a lesson or two when you least expect it:

The Long and short of it: Main author credit on ``Football For Dummies'' (IDG Books, $19.95, 407 pgs) is given to former Raiders star, current Fox analyst and future has-been movie star Howie Long, but it's our guess that the ``With John Czarnecki'' credit is where a bulk of the info comes from.

Czarnecki, a former Los Angeles Herald-Examiner NFL writer, is really the fact-finder behind Fox's NFL Sunday shows. And he can form a sentence.

As with all ``Dummies'' books in the series, especially the sports versions, the info is basic and well organized, but not dumbed down enough to irritate those who pretend to know it all. Just follow the icons (especially the cartoon version of Long) and you even get an explanation of something you assumed was something else.

For a laugh or two at Howie's expense, also read how he recounts the particular way he used to pull on his uniform (page 32) and his tribute to Raiders owner Al Davis (page 231).

The gospel according to Rosie: ``Football Doesn't Have to be a Dirty Word: A Woman's Guide to Understanding the Sport'' (Advanced Resources, $6.95, 27 pgs, [phone]) comes from Rosalie G. Robles, a former nun and first cousin of ``Cheech'' Marin, which seems to be enough qualification for anyone to write a know-it-all football book.

Obviously about 200 pages shy of Howie Long's endorsed effort, Robles' simplistic approach is done so that only those who want the bare essentials aren't overwhelmed. Yes, it can be a complicated game, but it can also be explained easy enough for wives who haven't figured out why their husbands spend so much time in front of the TV yelling at guys in helmets on Sundays.

``Good things happen when we give of ourselves and of our time for someone else's enjoyment,'' writes Robles, an L.A. native who does motivational speaking in the Pacific Northwest. ``The payback is tremendous and almost always becomes mutual.''

The abridged version from ESPN: In ``The ESPN Ultimate Pro Football Guide'' (Hyperion/ESPN books, $14.95, 346 pgs), almost 50 folks are given author credit. It shows.

Each of the 30 NFL teams receives eight-to-10 depth-defining pages that detail everything from franchise history, team trivia, all-time position-by-position squads and media coverage info, plus stuff about the stadium, sports bars and hotels in each city.

Of course, the ESPN heavyweights are credited more heavily than the other researchers. It's another way to get the brand name out there in the pursuit of world media domination. Even Chris Berman gives the introduction.

Get past that part, and enjoy it for its breezy approach.

The latest angle from Jenkins: ``Rude Behavior'' (Doubleday, $24.95, 421 pages) is the eighth novel and 15th book from fabled football author Dan Jenkins. It's all one could expect from the man who started ``Semi-Tough'' as a way of life.

This one picks up the exploits of Billy Clyde Puckett, 20 years after his debut in ``Semi-Tough,'' as he leaves the broadcast booth and tries running an NFL expansion team owned by his father-in-law, Big Ed.

Hijinks ensue, Jenkins' style.

His rants on modern-day football continue to be on target. As you read it, imagine what actors will play each character when someone finally gets around to making the movie version.

The vanity that is Elway: Win a Super Bowl, and you can do almost anything.

In ``Elway'' (Benchmark Press, $50, 120 pgs), the story of the former Granada Hills High preppie is chronicled in giant-sized, coffee-table-book splendor. You hold this thing up, and it seems better suited to show off more pictures of Monet's ``Water Lillies.''

This book can't possibly chronicle the entire essence of Elway, it can only hope to contain it. John Elway is given writer's credit, but with a book like this, the pictures of Marc Serota make it.

CAPTION(S):

4 Photos

PHOTO (1--4) no caption (Collage of Football guide books)