A RACE AGAINST THE SCHLOCK FACTOR.Byline: Kevin B. Blackistone The Dallas Morning News While hard at work recently channel-surfing for any game - hey, watching sports is my job - I flashed across a couple of groups of men I immediately recognized as pro football players. They were competing against one another, but not on a football Sunday or Monday. It was the middle of the week. They were playing a game of tug of war tug of war n. pl. tugs of war 1. Games A contest of strength in which two teams tug on opposite ends of a rope, each trying to pull the other across a dividing line. 2. . Schlock schlock also shlock Slang n. Something, such as merchandise or literature, that is inferior or shoddy. adj. Of inferior quality; cheap or shoddy. sports. I don't like schlock sports. I think that is, in part, because I was traumatized by them as a youth when I witnessed the near-drowning of Smokin' Joe Frazier
You can have schlock sports. All of them. ``The Battle of the Network Stars Battle of the Network Stars was the name of nineteen U.S. television specials featuring competitions among teams of popular television performers representing the three major broadcast networks at that time: ABC, CBS, and NBC. .'' ``The Battle of the Sexes.'' ``The NFL's Fastest Man.'' ``Ultimate Fighting ultimate fighting Sports medicine A modern blood sport, in which 2 combatants battle each other without rounds or rest periods, to the finish, be it death, incapacitation, or surrender, in which one opponent is battered into submission, and signals abdication by a .'' ``The Foot Locker Slam-Dunk.'' Julius Erving against Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. And for just $19.95 via pay-per-view. If you bought that four years ago, I hope the late-night sessions with Dr. Bob Hartley helped. For nostalgia, I'll take ``Home Run Derby This is about the Major League Baseball contest. For the 1959 television show of the same name, see Home Run Derby (TV series). The Home Run Derby is an event played prior to the Major League Baseball All-Star Game. ,'' the granddaddy of schlock sports. Aaron. Mantle. Mays. In black and white. It is classic. Do not, however, give me 200-meter world-record holder Michael Johnson against 100-meter world-record holder Donovan Bailey over 150 meters, which is what I was just handed. The two have recently announced in Toronto that they will meet somewhere in May for a winner-takes-all race to determine the world's fastest human. Actually, the winner takes $1 million. Each guy gets $500,000 just for showing up. This is schlock. ``The `Superstars' was total schlock, but I don't say that in a demeaning de·mean 1 tr.v. de·meaned, de·mean·ing, de·means To conduct or behave (oneself) in a particular manner: demeaned themselves well in class. way,'' said New York New York, state, United States New York, Middle Atlantic state of the United States. It is bordered by Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and the Atlantic Ocean (E), New Jersey and Pennsylvania (S), Lakes Erie and Ontario and the Canadian province of publicist Donn Bernstein, who was an ABC-TV sports executive when the network first aired ``Superstars.'' ``Everything we do becomes a television event. Greg Norman just had a shootout Shootout Venture capital jargon. Refers to two or more venture capital firms fighting for the startup. . Totally made-for-television. The Big 12 Championship. Even when we have a legitimate event, everything is made-for-TV. ``Then, you get to this stuff. It's entertainment. It is not a sporting event.'' It is pure, unadulterated un·a·dul·ter·at·ed adj. 1. Not mingled or diluted with extraneous matter; pure. See Synonyms at pure. 2. Out-and-out; utter: the unadulterated truth. schlock. Yuk yuk 1 Informal n. 1. An exuberant laugh. 2. One, such as a joke, that causes such a laugh. tr. & intr.v. . The international track governing body recognizes a lot of odd-distance races, like the 1,000-meter run. The 4x200-meter relay. The one-hour run, even. It does not recognize the 150-meter sprint, although promoters said it had granted approval to this one. ``It's a great opportunity for track and field,'' Johnson said of the long-rumored match come true. It is a great opportunity for Johnson and Bailey. One race. Two million bucks to split between only the both of them. The budget for the world's richest track meet, the Weltklasse in Switzerland, is about $5 million, which is divided among many. It won't do anything more for track than Tonya Harding did for the hardware business. ``We've seen track and field dry up in this country,'' Bernstein said. ``It has not been a television gold mine. This is big stuff in Europe, but they might not even go for it. The English, their monocles might fall out.'' This won't, of course, prove what it purports to determine. It will merely show which man is the fastest over a bastardized bas·tard·ize tr.v. bas·tard·ized, bas·tard·iz·ing, bas·tard·iz·es 1. To lower in quality or character; debase. 2. To declare or prove (someone) to be a bastard. distance. Bailey doesn't even race more than 100 meters or run curves, which will be part of this race. Johnson raced 100 meters a couple of years ago only for training. He got hurt. The promoters are, of course, banking on our desire to have championships in everything. The TV Food Network - all sauteing, all the time - has a game show called ``Ready, Set, Cook.'' Chefs race each other to make the perfect dish. You know that Julia Child vs. The Frugal Gourmet for all the truffles in France is right around the corner. ``I think it really prostitutes the sport,'' Bernstein opined. ``I think the lines get blurred. The Skins Game is a good example. I don't think that's what Bobby Jones had in mind.'' How fair is this Challenge of Champions, as it has been dubbed? The only way I'll know, of course, is to check it out. CAPTION(S): Photo Photo: Michael Johnson has agreed to race Donovan Bailey in a made-for-TV sprint. Daily News File Photo |
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