A PAIR OF BIOPICS BEST LEFT FORGOTTEN.Byline: David Kronke TV Critic LET'S GET ONE thing straight right off: No good can come of docudrama rush jobs. These things are inevitably propelled by cynicism and a quest for easy ratings via cheap titillation, and they usually focus on someone who either probably doesn't want the added attention or may be nervously checking their watch to see if their 15 minutes of fame are up. ABC ABC in full American Broadcasting Co. Major U.S. television network. It began when the expanding national radio network NBC split into the separate Red and Blue networks in 1928. , obsessed ob·sess v. ob·sessed, ob·sess·ing, ob·sess·es v.tr. To preoccupy the mind of excessively. v.intr. this sweeps month with giving free publicity to its competition's hits, announced ``Trump Unauthorized'' in February. CBS (Cell Broadcast Service) See cell broadcast. one-upped ABC with two knockoffs: one based on Amber Frey's January book on her involvement in the salacious sa·la·cious adj. 1. Appealing to or stimulating sexual desire; lascivious. 2. Lustful; bawdy. [From Latin sal Scott Peterson trial, and ``Martha Stewart: Behind Bars,'' announced mid-March but since removed from CBS' schedule. Trump threatened to sue if ABC got anything wrong. It's hard to see what he'd object to in this smooch on Trump's rump, except for his haircut - if you can't get that right, what's the point? ``Trump'' treats his previous wives more snarkily (his current bride receives only a final title card mention). We'll examine these films in the only reasonable fashion: when you'll be most tempted to change channels. Starting with ``Trump.'' --Time I wanted to bail out: One minute in, halfway through the two- minute scene summarizing the Donald's entire childhood, when his father, grandstanding for a client, exposits,``What's my damn name? That's right, it's Trump - T-R-U-M-P.''(Donald gives a similar spelling lesson late in the film.) A lot of the film is taken up with decidedly uncinematic real-estate deals. Star Justin Louis is unlikely to be mistaken for Trump, not even a contestant at a Trump look-alike contest, but manages a laudable approximation of Trump's motormouth Mo´tor`mouth n. 1. a person who talks excessively. Noun 1. motormouth - someone who talks incessantly; "I wish that motormouth would shut up" mannerisms. To its credit, the film moves briskly. --Time I really wanted to bail: 36 minutes in, when Trump's first wife, Ivana (Katheryn Winnick, with an amusing Czech accent), purrs, ``Vould you like to be making luff luff n. 1. a. The act of sailing closer into the wind. b. The forward side of a fore-and-aft sail. 2. Archaic The fullest part of the bow of a ship. v. , Donald?'' He replies, ``Yes. Yes, I would.'' Not an image anyone wants in their head. Nine minutes later, their marriage is kaput ka·put also ka·putt adj. Informal Incapacitated or destroyed. [German kaputt, from French capot, not having won a single trick at piquet, possibly from Provençal. . He meets Marla Maples (Jennifer Baxter, in high bimbo haughtiness, with makeup trowled on), who tells him, ``The dead use me as a spokesperson.'' Soon, the film evolves into a campy catfight cat·fight n. 1. A fight between or among cats. 2. Informal A vociferous dispute: a catfight between farmers and the government over subsidies. between Ivana and Marla: ``You vill In old English Law, a division of a hundred or wapentake; a town or a city. VILL. In England this word was used to signify the parts into which a hundred or wapentake was divided. Fortesc. De Laud, ch. 24. See Co. Litt. 115 b. It also signifies a town or city. stop luffing my husband!'' Ivana insists. Those behind ``Amber Frey: Witness for the Prosecution'' are probably kicking themselves that they didn't cook up a similar scene for their far duller and more dismal hackery. Instead, they're caught in an uncomfortable position, between exulting Peterson's unwitting mistress, who tackled her untenable situation with courage, and depicting her as a confused, pseudo-spiritual and remarkably fertile young woman looking for love in all the wrong places. --Time I wanted to bail out: One second in, when an opening title card that quotes, both blandly and pretentiously, from ``The Purpose-Driven Life'': ``What on Earth am I here for?'' Which is what I asked myself when the film becomes, near its conclusion, a bald commercial for her book. As the film opens, Frey (Janel Moloney) prepares to give testimony in the trial; the film is a flashback of her story. Moloney, so charming on ``The West Wing,'' here looks like a lobotomy lobotomy (lōbŏt`əmē, lə–), surgical procedure for cutting nerve pathways in the frontal lobes of the brain. The operation has been performed on mentally ill patients whose behavioral patterns were not improved by other patient, responding to everything, from the revelations of Scott's lies to enduring the tabloids' bemused cruelty, with dithering Simulating more colors and shades in a palette. In a monochrome system that displays or prints only black and white, shades of grays can be simulated by creating varying patterns of black dots. This is how halftones are created in a monochrome printer. vacancy. --Time I really wanted to bail: 10 minutes in, during an absolutely excruciating karaoke scene. When Amber tells Scott her life story, the filmmakers skip through it via a series of dissolves: Even they aren't interested in her, more anxious to get to off-key crooning. David Kronke, (818) 713-3638 david.kronke(at)dailynews.com TRUMP UNAUTHORIZED - Two stars What: Biopic bi·o·pic n. A film or television biography, often with fictionalized episodes. biopic Noun Informal a film based on the life of a famous person [bio(graphical) + pic(ture)] on the humble real-estate and reality-show mogul. Where: ABC (Channel 7). When: 9 tonight. In a nutshell: Interested in real-estate deals? Donald Trump's love life? Then this is for you. The inside skinny on his hair? Then not so much. AMBER FREY: WITNESS FOR THE PROSECUTION - One star What: Docudrama on the Scott Peterson saga as seen through the eyes of the murderer's mistress. Where: CBS (Channel 2). When: 9 p.m. Wednesday. In a nutshell: One word sums up both the case and this film: tragic. CAPTION(S): photo Photo: Justin Louis plays The Donald in ``Trump Unauthorized.'' |
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