A NEW ROMANTIC AGE TV AND MOVIES TRADE ON THE IDEA OF HAPPY ENDINGS, BUT DO THE REST OF US STAND A CHANCE?

Byline: Evan Henerson Staff Writer

Welcome to the tiniest corner of As the World Swoons.

Every week on ABC, ``The Bachelorette's'' Meredith agonizes: so many men, so few roses.

Golden-throated 23-year-old singer Josh Groban sells out the Wiltern, packing the seats with very appreciative women, many of whom are in their 30s or older.

Former ``Bachelorette'' candidate Bob Guiney didn't get the girl the first time around - Trista Rehn chose Ryan Sutter instead, and married him on national TV. Then Bob got a second chance on ``The Bachelor,'' winnowing the field down to Estella Gardinier. Alas, the pair broke up after attending Rehn and Sutter's December nuptials.

Rosalee Futch of ``Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!'' gets a seemingly no-lose choice between a Hollywood hunk and her small-town soul mate. She picks ... well, let's just say she gets to ride off into the sunset and live, as the well-worn phrase goes, happily ever after.

Or at least we need to believe that's what she does. Ditto all the Bachelors, Bachelorettes and Average Joes. < Won't they? Couldn't they? Couldn't we?

Because if they don't and we can't, then what are we living for? Is there hope of a happily-ever-after for the rest of us? Does the concept even exist?

Some of the most timeless romances end in death when the lovers are still young. And for every Trista and Ryan, there are seemingly a dozen made-on-the-airwaves unions that, we learn, collapse the second the final episode ratings are tabulated. Probably the biggest love story of the past year focused on the marriage that didn't happen: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez's.

Then again, if we're watching, it means we believe there's a chance for them. And for us. Doesn't it?

``I really am a hopeless romantic, so I'm the worst person to ask,'' says Kate Bosworth, the 21-year-old star of ``Tad Hamilton.'' ``I believe there's a person out there for everybody and I think love is the most unifying emotion, isn't it? Everybody feels love and everybody can relate to it. And to what comes along with it - the heartbreak, the joy. It makes the world go around. It's the reason why they say that.''

But Khinlei Myint-U, dating adviser for Matchmaker.com, notes, ``I've seen very few of our clients use that phrase, 'happily ever after.' '' She adds, ``It may make them come across as too naive. People use the word 'romance' a lot, and a lot of the time they're using it in the conventional sense, like 'I want a romantic relationship.' ''

The flowers-and-sunset fervor may cool off a bit as clients move out of their 20s. Internet daters who fall into the ``second timers'' category - including people who are divorced or who have been widowed - still want romance, but they've become ``more realistic'' according to Myint-U, who emphasizes that realistic doesn't necessarily mean cynical.

Of course, realism makes a certain amount of sense since divorce, death - anything that signifies the end of love - flies in the face of happily-ever-after.

Consider James Lapine and Stephen Sondheim's ``Into the Woods'' - a revival of which played the Ahmanson Theatre in early 2002 before its transfer to Broadway. By intermission, we've reached the conclusion of several beloved Grimm fairy tales. Cinderella and Rapunzel have hooked up with their prince charmings. Jack (of beanstalk fame) has slain the giant. The closing-act number is a jaunty little tune called, fittingly, ``Ever After.''

Then the second act begins. Cinderella is bored, Rapunzel has gone wiggy. Their two princes are lusting after Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and the widow of the giant killed by beanstalk-climbing Jack comes seeking revenge. There is carnage and people die. There are, in this Grimm reimagining, no happily-ever-afters in sights.

For that matter, consider one of the most romantic stories ever created: Shakespeare's ``Romeo and Juliet.'' Yeah, those kids are hot for each other, but there aren't a lot of Valentine's Day gift exchanges in your future when you're committing suicide before the age of 16.

Romantic? Deborah Mandel, an L.A.-based psychologist and author of ``The Sensitive Heart,'' calls ``R&J'' ``psychotic, not romantic, a sign of severe mental illness. Wanting to kill yourself or each other over love is mental illness.''

How about Puccini's ``La Boheme,'' currently enjoying a swoon-worthy revival at the Ahmanson Theatre under the guidance of Australian film director Baz Luhrmann?

The posters trumpet ``Boheme'' as ``the Greatest Love Story Ever Sung,'' but the poet Rodolpho and the tubercular seamstress Mimi fight as often as they bill and coo. And, once again, here's a classic story that ends not in happiness, but in tragedy.

Asked to come up with a suitable romantic tale, Mandel cites Erich Segal's ``Love Story,'' which became a famously sappy movie with Ryan O'Neal and Ali MacGraw.

``The two of them were truly in love, but it's sad and you feel that intensity because she's dying,'' says Mandel, who has offices in West L.A., Encino and Thousand Oaks. ``His willingness to be there for her until the end. That's a true-love kind of experience where someone would sacrifice himself to be there for the other person.''

Mandel took a role as a sex therapist in the scam of the Fox series ``My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance.'' The show features a beautiful would-be bride trying to get her parents to accept a crass nightmare of a man as their potential son-in-law. The cons are plentiful: She doesn't really love him and he's really an actor, and there's no 11th-hour twist that unites the couple.

``That series couldn't be considered romantic because it's all fake,'' says Mandel. ``The one across-the-board criterion for romance is that it has to be genuine and has to be sincere. Otherwise it can't meet the definition of being romantic.''

The topic of romance comes up - OK, so we brought it up - at an informal ``girls night.'' A group of L.A.-area friends who have known each other since high school - and in some cases longer - have gathered every Wednesday night for the past year.

``We all went out one night, we had all recently moved back in town, and we had all broken up with serious relationships,'' says Nikki Hudson. ``And we were out one night feeling like it was a really good thing that we were together and hanging out with the girls. We were all kind of mending broken hearts and we said, 'Let's have a girls night once a week,' and make it a thing like a ritual.''

Recently, four of the group's circle of eight had bought rush tickets for ``La Boheme'' at the Ahmanson. Their verdict: great music, great sets, kind of romantic, but not so realistic. Rodolpho and Mimi weren't even technically an item anymore, they point out, when Mimi breathes her last.

Asked what is romantic, the ladies came up with an array of answers and anecdotes. Flowers and love letters in some cases. For others, it's emotional strength or intensely personal gestures indicating that the person doing the romancing knows what the person he is wooing would like or enjoy - without being asked to supply it.

But the discussion comes to an end. ``The Bachelorette'' is on. And even though the assembled group agree that the show is cheesy, they still enjoy reviewing the array of men Meredith Phillips gets to select from. Meredith, they agree, is a Bachelorette to root for.

Let's face it, where the search for happily-ever-after is concerned, so are we all.

Evan Henerson, [phone]

evan.henerson(at)dailynews.com

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4 photos

Photo:

(1 -- cover -- color) Happily ever after

Do we still BELIEVE?

(2 -- 3) ``The Bachelorette's'' Meredith Phillips (top), being courted by Brazilian investment banker Ian, may get her man, but will she ever have a bond to match the one between Ryan O'Neal and Ali MacGraw (above) in ``Love Story''?

(4) - Kate Bosworth

Theo Wargo/WireImage.com