A DISABLED STUDENT WHO IS FIGHTING IN THE WRONG ARENA.

Byline: Wendy Dager

I recognized the voice immediately. After 20 years, she sounded the same, even though we were all grown up and no longer little kids on a playground.

"How's your sister?" was practically the first thing out of her mouth.

"Fine," I replied, "she's a paralegal now, married, two great kids . . ."

"We were all so mean to her," my old schoolmate said with remorse.

I tried not to wince, because I'd heard the same regrets from nearly every kid from the old neighborhood with whom I'd had a chance meeting.

They were all mean to her because she was deaf, one of the first handicapped kids to grace a Los Angeles public school in the late 1960s and '70s.

Of course, she's not deaf anymore. She's hearing-impaired now. And the word "handicapped" is obsolete, too, because it's supposed to be degrading or something.

My sister is now one of the many "disabled,' someone who either lacks one of their five senses or is confined to a wheelchair or has a learning or developmental problem. It is an all-encompassing characterization of a person who gets to learn the hard way that assimilation is tough when kids are so innately cruel.

That's why I winced again when I read about the high school student who filed suit against the Simi Valley Unified School District.

All the old pain came back to me. In my mind, I could see my classmates taunting my sister because of her hearing aid wires. I almost heard them again, calling her names, then calling me names, too, because she was my sister and she was, well, different.

But she never sued anybody.

Ryan Rose, an 18-year-old with autism, is mad because he was not allowed to give the graduation speech at Royal High School last year.

He had wanted to talk about his many challenges as a special education student and he was planning on saluting his peers, parents and teachers for encouraging his participation in school activities. Since he didn't give that speech, his feelings for his fellow students and the staff at Royal High apparently have changed. He is now saying he was discriminated against by the students and the school board.

So Ryan Rose is suing, because that's what you do these days when you feel as if you have been a victim of discrimination.

My understanding is that although school officials applaud his academic achievements, the speech was lengthy and not consistent with the graduation theme. Though Rose says he rewrote the speech three times, the student committee in charge of choosing a commencement speaker picked someone else.

Rose maintains that the school board doesn't think he has feelings. This is understandable, because when you are hurt, there is the tendency to believe that everyone is against you.

Just ask my deaf sister, who has found it difficult, lo these many years, to forgive those children - now adults - who made her life a nightmare when she was in school.

But what child, disabled or no, has not felt slighted by something throughout his or her educational experience? There's always a kid who wasn't picked for the team or chosen for the drama fair or acknowledged for his or her test score. Who's to say that those children weren't as hurt as Ryan Rose?

Yet, we have become an "ism" culture. There are so many shouts of "racism" or "sexism" or now, "disabledism," that when a couple of high school kids choose one speaker over another, someone has to sue.

"I'm continuing to fight so that other special education students won't be denied participation in graduation ceremonies," Rose says.

I'll tell you what, Ryan. Why don't you continue to fight in another way? Why don't you do like my sister did - make a life yourself, be a productive member of society, and mostly, stop being so bitter.