A Call and Response to the Soul.

It is easy to know when the body needs food. Our stomach growls, our energy level drops, or that "time of day" creeps around, but how do we know when our soul needs food? Do we take more vacations internally? Do we wish to be somewhere else? Are we available to hear the hunger call from the soul, and if we hear it, how do we respond as psychotherapists? How do psychotherapists feed their souls? Does feeding the soul transform us and if so, how?

Do we meditate, or go on a retreat, vision quest, make a pilgrimage, snorkel, travel, read, garden, or just unplug the phone and computer and stay home in the solace of our own bedroom? What satisfies one will not necessarily satisfy another.

It reminds me of ordering a meal with a friend and then asking, "Where did you find that on the menu?" Not that I especially wanted what she ordered, but I did not even see it. What continually calls to me the loudest is what I have come to know as my soul call. Listening to the call is the essential ingredient. Sometimes the call comes several times before I respond. I imagine that the soul leaves messages on my inner answering machine.

Does this internal answering machine delete messages? Can I fast forward or rewind what I clearly heard from deep inside my being? Yes, I can. It sometimes feels like I am riding a horse pulled to water, who needs and wants so badly what is vital for its existence and survival, yet I cannot make the horse drink the water. I have the full capacity to not only delete the messages but many times not even acknowledge the existence of my inner callings. Herein lies a great paradox. I can listen and respond or ignore the calling. Just as we can pass by a flashing answering machine, we can also stop and listen to it. It is our choice.

The Machine versus The Human

We are not answering machines. Machines and humans are very different. In spite of all the technology we might have for replacing body parts, we are not machines. Humans are different. We retain a full range of human potential within certain bodily and time limitations. At certain moments, I can surpass what I believed was a bodily or time limitation. In the first grade I won first place in a race that I had no clue I would even place in, much less win. The winning startled me and captured a piece of stardust in the moment of living. How often we, as psychotherapists, see a client move into a new possibility, a career change, a new relationship, or the profound experience of being completely in the now. What once seemed insurmountable can become a reality.

The great mystery of being human and reaching for our full potential is a truly profound role of psychotherapy. What creates this reaching for full potential? Will we be able to touch the stardust of living in ourselves, or in others? At the same time, the magic of being here and at the same time the great search for understanding why we are here continues to unfold. This great journey of living is so often ridden with mysterious challenges and tragedies. It is through relationship with self and other that the mystery unravels and stays tangled. The paradox prevails.

Storytelling 

Storytelling is a marvelous way to present the great mystery of being human. As psychotherapists we hear stories frequently but do we hear the music of the story, the melody, the resonance, the dissonance? Listen to the music of the following story from Gurdijeff's students. This story could be told by many students of various spiritual paths; in fact, any group of individuals, families, psychotherapy groups, soccer players, classroom students, or psychotherapy clients could tell it.

There once was, among the true spiritual seekers of Gurdjieff, a man, let's call him Bud, who was not a spiritual seeker. He was an annoyance to those who considered themselves great seekers. Bud thought everything spiritual was total nonsense. His personal habits drove everybody nuts. Why he was living at the community remained a mystery to everyone.

He was so irritating that the spiritual students began hating Bud. They considered him an idiot and treated him as such. They started playing practical jokes on him and eventually played such nasty jokes that he could not take it any longer and left. The final irritation to him was something like stealing his false teeth. He could not bear it any longer and, enraged, he left.

When Gurdjieff heard, he immediately got in his car, went to the town where Bud was supposed to have gone, and begged him to return. In fact, he paid him to return. This action was very baffling to all the seekers in the community. Gurdjieff explained that this man was absolutely necessary for true spiritual growth, not fantasies, but true self knowledge. Bud was the most valuable teaching instrument that Gurdjieff had. True growth could not happen without his presence or the presence of someone like him.

Exercise

Instructions:

Do you have a Bud in your life at present? If not, have you ever had a Bud in your life? Close your eyes and let this person come into your presence. Be aware of the reactions in your body, emotions, and thoughts, and gradually bring your attention to your breath. Continue to hold this person's presence and watch your breath. Watch all your reactions, including words or impulses that emerge as you focus on this person. Continue to bring your full awareness to your breath. If you find a need to speak to this person, do so. Begin to bring your work to a close by saying good-bye and knowing you can bring this individual up whenever you need to. Relinquish the person's presence, and focus completely on your breath with eyes closed for at least two minutes.

When you have opened your eyes, take a few minutes to describe your experience in writing. Use as much detail as possible. When you have finished writing, take a few minutes to read it over. Once again, close your eyes, and be with yourself in this moment; observe your breath, your emotions, and your thoughts. See what is true for you in this moment about yourself.

The Moment is the Teacher

What we have is this moment and the full possibility of this moment. Unearthing the moment with our full potential is the work of being human. How we carry someone from our past is happening inside of us in this moment. Within the carrying is both our work and our potential. The Gurdjieff seeker cannot just drop Bud. Rather, whatever Bud activates inside the seeker will be digested and transformed. This is the true work of transformation. We need each other for our souls to be fed, to see all the options on the menu and to order according to our unique soul's hunger.

If you have brought a Bud into your life, use your innate power of searching for the deepest meaning that this individual evokes. This searching power can bring great insight into your subjective life and can impact your objective life. The two worlds, subjective and objective, will meet and your capacity to listen and respond to your soul's calling will grow.

Myrtle Heery is Associate Professor of In-Depth Psychology at Sonoma State University, Rohnert Park, CA. Private practice at 4940 Bodega Ave, Petaluma, CA 94952 or [e-mail].