A COSTLY EXHIBITION PRESEASON TAKES TOLL ON NFL PLAYERS -- AND FANS' WALLETS.

Byline: STEVE DILBECK

What a bunch of suckers. Flatliners masquerading as fans. There's one born every minute and then they go and actually breed.

Since the dawn of the NFL, it has operated one of the great economic shams in the history of American business: the preseason.

It's a monstrous fraud. An incredible waste of time, effort and fine Bermuda. It needlessly endangers players, abuses fans and serves no real purpose -- other than to further fatten the pocket books of billionaire owners.

The games themselves are downright silly. It should be embarrassing to everyone who takes them in, who craves their NFL so desperately they're willing to actually watch a bunch of no-name players a week away from returning to real jobs, stumble and fumble around the football field.

Because people are definitely watching, queuing up at stadiums, glued to their TVs. Almost like it actually meant something.

If we could draw syrup from all these saps, Vermont would be out of business.

There is not a single moment of one preseason game that is actually necessary. It's all a scam, a money-generating farce for all the suits sitting in NFL backrooms, snickering as revenue mounts.

The supposed reason for the existence of preseason games is so NFL teams can evaluate new players and prepare and condition for the regular season.

Hey, football geniuses, that's what practice is for. Figure it out on a weekday afternoon. Don't insult your public by charging $75 a head to watch a scrimmage of backups to the backups -- all while placing the real players, the ones who get in for a series or two, at risk of injury for a game that means absolutely nada.

Washington Redskins star running back Clinton Portis partially dislocated his left shoulder Sunday in a 19-3 loss to the Cincinnati Bengals and will miss the last three preseason games and possibly the regular-season opener.

Understandably, he was happy about none of it.

``I don't know why myself or any other player of my caliber should be playing in the preseason,'' Portis said. ``I think for the last four years I've done enough to show the world I'm going to be ready for the season.''

The NFL once played tons of these exhibition games. They would barnstorm around the country. Then they played seven before the season started. As the NFL grew in popularity it played six. Finally in 1978 an outcry reduced the preseason to four games.

Portis thinks that's still too many.

``Let's get rid of some of these games,'' he said. ``Even the young guys don't need four games to prove themselves.

``Four games is ridiculous. Then you go and play a 16-game season and have the playoffs behind that.''

Portis has it half right. The NFL should get rid of all preseason games. Every single last one.

This isn't 1946 when a player might need an offseason job and fall out of shape. This isn't a era in which you draft players based on news stories and All-America teams.

NFL players spend the offseason building strength and stamina. They're in remarkable condition. They don't need four exhibition games, or miniscule parts of four games, to be game ready.

Modern media has helped take much of the guesswork out of scouting. Undrafted players can still make teams, but it's growing rare.

Mike Bell went undrafted out of Arizona in April and is currently the Denver Broncos' starting tailback. But guess what? He earned the designation in practice.

Somehow college teams managed to play their first games of the year without an exhibition schedule. And many are inserting several green freshmen and annually replacing players lost to graduation.

USC coach Pete Carroll would no doubt love an exhibition game to break in this year's new offensive backfield, but in college every game counts. Lose one, and you're unlikely to win a national championship.

Carroll lost Heisman Trophy winner Carson Palmer to the NFL three years ago and the next season opened with little-known quarterback Matt Leinart at Auburn, and that worked out all right.

But the NFL -- with supposedly the game's finest coaches and with less player turnover and mini-camps upon mini-camps -- needs four exhibition games? And Angelina Jolie needs a bustier.

The most scandalous aspect of the NFL preseason is that if you want season tickets, you also have to buy tickets to the exhibition games. At regular-game prices.

Want season tickets to the Chargers? All they had left last week were seats along the top of Qualcomm at $650 and the club level at $1,500 a pop. Of course, that did include two home exhibition games.

Last Sunday, 57,777 jammed Qualcomm to watch the starters play a couple series before giving way to a cast of unknowns. But those were the real Charger Girls.

The suckers keep lining up. Instead of outrage, they offer applause. NBC broadcast another snoozer of an exhibition game in actual prime time Aug. 6, and it was the third-most watched TV show of the week.

Baseball plays preseason games in small ballparks at reduced prices. The NBA plays only a few practice games and often takes them to team-less sites.

The NFL has a money-generating gimmick in place and figures it's ludicrous to stop. No wonder Wall Street loves these guys. And a gullible American public laps it all up.

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2 photos

Photo:

(1 -- color) Jacksonville tight end Marcedes Lewis (UCLA) is questionable for the season opener Sept. 10 after injuring his ankle Saturday.

Alan Diaz/Associated Press

(2 -- color) Washington running back Clinton Portis, who was hurt Sunday in a preseason game, thinks the exhibition season needs to be cut.

Gregory Shamus/Associated Press