A BLAST FROM THE PAST : NICK'S TV LAND NETWORK PROMISES TO PLOP VIEWERS INTO SERIOUS DEJA VU, IF ONLY THE CABLE WORLD COOPERATES.

Byline: Ray Richmond Daily News Television Writer

It may be the coolest network on television, but you won't be able to see it unless you have a mini satellite dish or you live in Glendale.

At least, not after tonight.

Nick at Nite's TV Land is the name of what has to qualify as the most nostalgia-laden channel in television history. It launches at 8 tonight in a paucity of homes with a lineup that includes such TV classics as ``Hill Street Blues,'' ``Mannix,'' ``That Girl,'' ``Hogan's Heroes,'' ``The Phil Silvers Show'' and ``Mister Ed.''

It also brings to audiences a virtual re-creation of an old-time television environment, complete with old commercials (or ``retromercials'' in TV Land-ese), early test patterns and graphics and the saturated-color look that dominated TV in the 1960s.

This network is, in short, an aging couch potato's rendering of what heaven must be like. Nirvana with a remote control.

But in what has to be the ultimate tease, TV Land - created and programmed by the clever folks at MTV Networks, the people who bring you MTV, Nickelodeon/Nick at Nite and VH1 - will be unavailable to all but a select few when it signs on at 8 tonight.

Barring a last-minute deal, only Marcus Cable of Glendale is carrying TV Land at its launch in the Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley areas. It also can be seen via the AlphaStar system on the 18-inch satellite dish.

Rich Cronin, the engaging president of both Nick at Nite and TV Land, estimates that viewers in 4 million to 5 million homes nationally will be able to access TV Land. That compares to 64 million cable homes with Nick at Nite.

The problem is channel capacity, or the lack of it. Most cable systems are maxed out and - barring a multimillion-dollar upgrade to accommodate the plethora of available new networks - simply don't have room to add anything without dropping something else.

David Auger, vice president and general manager of CVI Cable covering the West Valley including Chatsworth, Woodland Hills, Canoga Park, Reseda, Encino, West Hills and Northridge, said that he would love to add TV Land but has nowhere to put it.

``We're in the process of a $30 million system upgrade that will enable us to offer approximately 17 additional channels,'' Auger said. ``It should be in place by early '97.''

Auger said there are already a handful of channels he wishes he could add.

``I can tell you that we already get a lot of calls about adding the History Channel and the TV Food Network, and I'm sure TV Land will be one of those that's requested a lot, too.''

Bob Helmuth, marketing director for Century Cable's Southwest Region, said there are plans afoot to add TV Land in several Century systems in the near future.

``We feel that it's going to attract a lot of viewers,'' Helmuth said. ``I'm not saying that it's innovative stuff. I mean, it's just reruns. But packaged right and produced right, it will have a visual look that I suspect will create a tremendous amount of interest and, I suspect, pretty high ratings.''

That's music to the ears of Cronin, who has had TV Land in development for the better part of five years, or ever since it became clear that the nightly hours comprising the increasingly popular Nick at Nite lineup weren't enough.

``It made a lot of sense to do this,'' Cronin said. ``The demand is there. These shows never go out of style.''

At least, that's the hope. And just to whet the appetite of the masses that can't yet receive TV Land, a special sneak preview of the network's offerings will air at 8 tonight (and continue through a sign-off with ``The Star-Spangled Banner'' at 5:30 a.m.) on Nick at Nite.

The impressive opening night lineup includes:

8 p.m.: ``Love, American Style,'' a segment that served as the pilot for the series ``Happy Days.''

8:30 p.m.: ``The Addams Family'' pilot premiere.

9 p.m.: ``That Girl'' pilot premiere.

9:30 p.m.: ``Hogan's Heroes'' pilot.

10 p.m.: ``The Ed Sullivan Show'' episode featuring the Beatles' first appearance on American television and Elvis Presley's famed appearance shot from the waist up.

10:30 p.m.: ``The Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour'' featuring guests Ronald Reagan and the Jackson 5.

11 p.m.: ``Hill Street Blues'' pilot premiere.

Midnight: ``Time Element,'' an episode of ``Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse'' that served as a pilot for ``The Twilight Zone.''

1 a.m.: ``St. Elsewhere'' pilot.

2 a.m.: ``My Mother, the Car'' pilot.

2:30 a.m.: An episode of ``Petticoat Junction'' unseen since 1963.

3 a.m.: ``Green Acres'' pilot.

3:30 a.m.: ``Gunsmoke'' pilot.

4 a.m.: ``Mannix'' pilot.

5 a.m.: ``Honey West'' pilot.

Plopped between the shows will be ``retromercials,'' such as one featuring Josephine the Comet fix-it lady, the Federal Express spots starring the fast talker and the one with a kid singing, ``Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener.''

``What we're providing is an entire retro-TV environment, from the shows to the commercials to the sights and sounds,'' Cronin said. ``There are so many people who grew up with this stuff, love this stuff. It's like going back in time.''

Cronin added that he hopes to move beyond the sitcom-variety show-western genres for TV Land in the near future to celebrate the golden age of talk shows and game shows as well as packaging special events like a Bochco-thon that would feature episodes of shows from producer Steven Bochco, including such obscure fare as ``Bay City Blues'' and ``Cop Rock.''

``I can see people flocking to old `Dick Cavett Show' reruns and some of the great `Tonight' shows with Johnny Carson,'' Cronin said. ``There are so many things from TV history that people remember fondly and just haven't seen in a long time.''

Now, if only it would come soon to a cable system near you.

``Tell everyone to flood their cable system with phone calls,'' Cronin said. ``Write letters. Yell a lot.''

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6 Photos

Photo: (1) Ed Sullivan's really great shoe - er show - r eturns as one of the classics on Nick at Nite's new TV Land.

(2) A curious piece of Americana turns up again as ``Hogan's Heroes'' hits TV Land, featuring Bob Crane, left, as a crafty WWII prisoner of war and John Banner as a clownish Nazi guard.

(3--4) Above, the antics of those groovy '70s stars Sonny Bono, left, and Cher - with special guest Ronald Reagan - return to television as TV Land reprises ``The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour.'' At right, the constant drama of a police precinct returns on ``Hill Street Blues,'' starring Michael Conrad, left, and Daniel J. Travanti.

(5--6) Above left, Marlo Thomas stars as a career girl determined to have it all on ``That Girl.'' At right, David Morse, left, and Howie Mandel have the prescription for a quirky blend of comedy and drama on ``St. Elsewhere.''