A 'DUCHESS' OVERSTUFFED WITH JOKES AND INTRUSIONS.

Byline: David Mermelstein Correspondent

UNLIKE OPERAS, operettas aren't sacred. They don't deal in great truths or noble themes. They're entertainments, pure and simple.

So who could object to the Los Angeles Opera on Saturday opening its new season (billed as its 20th but actually the 19th) with director Garry Marshall's adaptation of Jacques Offenbach's operetta ``La Grande-Duchesse de Gerolstein'' (here called simply ``The Grand Duchess'')?

Unfortunately, anyone who values comedy could object. Because despite the promise of laughs, there were few to be had in this tale of a highly sexed duchess who finally finds true love in the arms of a prince.

And in case you're wondering if the humor in Marshall's reworking of Henri Meilhac and Ludovic Halevy's libretto didn't translate, fuhgedaboutit. Though the singing is still in French, the spoken parts are now in English, and staler than week-old rye bread. (By way of mild example, Marshall's script quells a courtesan with the words, ``Hush, hush, sweet Charlotte,'' as if anyone under 60 would find that remotely funny.)

Marshall's direction isn't much better than his lame script. He overstuffs almost every scene with pointless intrusions, even when the main characters - mezzo-soprano Frederica von Stade, tenor Paul Groves, baritone Rod Gilfry and soprano Constance Hauman - are singing.

The upstaging comes mostly from Marshall's own band of nonsinging actor-clowns, whose antics, though often expertly performed, suggest warped priorities. And what's with the addition of Offenbach himself as a character? Though played amiably by Jason Graae, this nonsinging role stops the action only to offer obvious plot explication and useless details about the composer's life. (Imagine sitting through this show without knowing that Offenbach hailed from Germany rather than France.)

OK, so Marshall's task isn't helped by a dearth of memorable melodies in Offenbach's mediocre score. In fact, the music is so impoverished that the director has ``enhanced'' it with the composer's signature tune, the can-can from ``Orpheus in the Underworld.''

For a while, Constance Hoffman's lavish costumes and Heidi Ettinger's extravagant candy-land sets divert our attention from the production's inherent lameness. But even at its least obnoxious, this effort is a drag.

Von Stade, who makes her first appearance in an L.A. Opera production in more than eight years, gamely inhabits the title role. Her voice retains its attractive bright-burnished timbre, even as some suppleness has been lost in the interim. Yet it's painful to hear this venerable singer stoop to lowbrow sex jokes.

Similar things can be said of Groves' Fritz, the bumbling soldier who is the object of the Duchess' affections; Gilfry, the Duchess' mail-order groom; and Hauman, the stuttering peasant girl whom Fritz really loves. All sing with gusto and handle the dialogue with admirable professionalism.

Which raises another of this production's faults: the unattractive juxtaposition of unamplified singing and miked dialogue. With spoken material amplified, the sung material sounds comparatively underpowered.

Alas, there is little to be said about conductor Emmanuel Villaume's spirited work in the pit. He and the orchestra play Offenbach's score honorably, but canned music would work just as well here. What this production really needs is a laugh track.

THE GRAND DUCHESS - Two stars

What: The Los Angeles Opera opens its new season with a Jacques Offenbach operetta directed by Garry Marshall.

Where: Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, 135 N. Grand Ave., Los Angeles.

When: 7:30 p.m. today, Sept. 22 and 28; 8 p.m. Oct. 1; 2:30 p.m. Sunday and Sept. 25.

Tickets: $30-$205. [phone]; www.losangelesopera.com.

In a nutshell: Despite the efforts of a talented cast, this attempt to co-opt Hollywood razzle-dazzle fizzles.

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Photo:

Frederica von Stade makes a, well, grand entrance as the title character in L.A. Opera's ``The Grand Duchess.''