50 ways to adopt a baby: ever wonder what it takes for a gay parent to adopt a child in Peoria? Writer and filmmaker John Ireland did. So he took a road trip across the country to find out how gay adoption works from state to state. Here's what he learned.

I should mention that I am a filmmaker. At the same time that my partner and I were adopting our foster son, Watson, I began to document stories from social workers, policy makers, and gay and lesbian parents from around the country. My research became a short film called Finding Family: Gay Adoption in the U.S. My point was to present the inconsistencies in law and policy across the country that stand in the way of gays and lesbians trying to build our families.

For my documentary I developed a map, labeling states where gay and lesbian couples can and cannot adopt. Perhaps predictably, the eight states that prohibit gay adoption are located in traditionally conservative and rural regions; and the nine states whose laws provide adoption equality for gay and lesbian couples are mostly coastal and metropolitan. But in the vast majority of the country (33 states), gay couples must delicately navigate and manipulate the system.

As an American, I have always felt the bounty of our freedom and liberty. But looking at the map, I see an overwhelming percentage of space where secrecy, ambivalence, and even animus toward our families prevent us from protecting our loved ones. I could not move to a state that does not allow me to protect my son. And so my country has become much smaller.

The entire process gave me invaluable information about the intricacies of gay adoption across the United States. What follows is a look at what I learned--part primer, part travelogue.

LEGALLY BOUND

Most gay families are touched by adoption. In order to establish a legal relationship to a child who's not biologically related, adoption is necessary. So even in couples who choose artificial insemination, in vitro fertilization, or surrogacy, the partner who is not biologically involved must adopt the child. Without this legal status, he or she is unable to make medical decisions, sign school permission slips, and in some cases, provide health insurance. And in the case of death he or she may not be able to protect inheritances and select guardians.

Since family law in the U.S. retains language based on the nuclear heterosexual family unit, birth certificates issued by most states list "mother" and "father." And many states refuse to recognize anything different.

Lesson learned: Gay and lesbian parents must seek out competent legal counsel to assure that they are both listed on the birth certificate and both have established parental rights.

THE POWER OF THE CLOSET

Though it is impossible to fully determine its impact, the closet may in fact be helping us in the fight for gay adoption.

As I interviewed families throughout the 33 "ambiguous" states, I encountered a resistance to talking openly about fostering and adopting. One state leader who supports marriage equality suggested that if it became known in his state that gays are adopting children, legislation halting the practice would be "just around the corner." He then added, "It's better we just stay under the radar on this issue here."

Lesson learned: In rural and conservative areas, the adoption closet can be a beneficial, though unfortunate, tool.

AT HOME VS. ABROAD

Of the 60 or so countries that actively place children in adoptive American families, none will consider applications by gay or lesbian people. Some, like China, Russia, Guatemala, and Vietnam, specifically ask about sexual orientation and will reject gay or lesbian applicants.

Lesson learned: Gays and lesbians can apply as presumably heterosexual singles and then pursue second-parent adoption domestically once the country of origin has completed its process. The ironic exception to this would be married Massachusetts couples, says Joan Clark, executive director of Adoption Community of New England: "Once they're legally married, they can't sign a document saying they are single. So that, in essence, has closed international adoptions for most gay and lesbian families."

FOSTERING AND ADOPTING

Each year an estimated 120,000 children in foster care are eligible for adoption. Due to a severe shortage of families, nearly 20% win not be placed. Lefts make no mistake here; once a child is 2 years old, his chances of being adopted drop significantly. The children who are not matched up with eligible parents become wards of the state, "aging out" into a world where they have no family. It's a devastating prospect.

Lesson learned: Adoption equality for gays and lesbians is essential to adoption reform. John Levesque, a beard member for the North American Council on Adoptable Children, believes that "active, honest public recruitment of the gay and lesbian population" would eliminate children lingering in fester care.

STATE BY STATE

Family law is the purview of the states, and one state cannot control how other states will view its legal documents. For instance, when a lesbian gives birth to a baby in California, her registered domestic partner is automatically a legal parent and can be named as the second parent on the birth certificate. However, Florida is not likely to give equal consideration to both parents in the case of a separation or divorce, joint custody, and asset division.

Just as states are not required to recognize out-of-state marriage licenses issued to same-sex partners, they periodically refuse to honor out-of-jurisdiction records like birth certificates. However, the Full Faith and Credit Clause of the U.S. Constitution has resulted in courts recognizing other states' judicial judgments, such as an adoption decree.

Lesson learned: Even if gay parents live in a progressive state, attorneys recommend the domestic partner also legally adopt the child. But in every state it's critical to seek out legal advice to learn what protections partners are afforded.

Of course, all of this effort will be rendered unnecessary when gays and lesbians achieve marriage equality on a nationwide basis. More important, children will not be at the mercy of inconsistent, missing, or defective paperwork. Uniform access to family courts will allow judges to rule in the child's best interest and give legal standing to both parents, and a child will benefit from all the care and support that each parent can give.

ANOTHER FAMILY'S STORY

AFTER SUCCESSFULLY FOSTER-PARENTING 18 needy children over the past few years, Knoxville, Tenn., residents Scott Amos and Tony Frost have many fans in children's services. Nevertheless, in October 2004, Judge Carey Garrett ruled their home "immoral" and ordered the county to remove five foster children.

Social workers rallied to Amos and Frost's defense but were unable to return the children, who subsequently were cycled through other foster homes. Like many of their former foster children, "the kids call us during the holidays and on birthdays," says Amos. "We miss them, and we'll always be here if they need us."

In 2005 a friend of theirs decided to place her newborn child up for adoption and chose Amos and Frost as the parents. Tyler was born on February 23, and his adoption was finalized on September 6. In November their foster agency placed siblings Dominique and Aaliyah with the couple. Frost says the county social worker initially opposed the placement. "She even spoke with Tyler's mother to convince her that two gay men should not raise her child," he says.

However, over the course of almost a year, the social worker had a change of heart. She came to know Amos and Frost and saw their children flourishing. "Now she's our biggest advocate," Amos explains. 'When our foster kids' parents learn that we're two gay men, they march into the office and make a big stink, assuming the worst. But our social workers have built a wall around us, and they go to bat for us."

On August 30, 2006, Amos and Frost celebrated the finalization of Dominique's and Aaliyah's adoptions. And they were joined at the courthouse by a supportive and excited social worker.

Read more stories of adoption from families across the United States at Advocate.com.

Ireland is a journalist and filmmaker living in Los Angeles. His short film Finding Family: Gay Adoption in the U.S. (www.findingfamily.us) premiered at San Francisco's LGBT Film Festival.