3am: Our Guy; MR MADONNA COSIES UP TO US FOR A CHAT.

Byline: Clemmie Moodie & Danielle Lawler

MEMO to Madge: when you're done with Guy Ritchie, can we have him please?

After our revelations about the rocky state of Madonna's marriage we were surprised, and not a little suspicious, when we were invited to an exclusive MySpace preview of Guy's new gangster movie RocknRolla at the SE One in Southwark, South London. Especially as the man himself was going to be there.

So was he going to give us both smoking barrels? Answer, er, not exactly. But we admit to gulping down our drinks for Dutch courage when he sauntered over, dressed in a sweetly naff fluffy beige tank top, to introduce himself.

"Ah girls, I think we need a word." Ouch! But as we braced ourselves for a dressing down from Mr Madge, he suddenly broke into a grin and said: "Sorry ladies, dressed like this and swigging cider I look like a bloody tramp."

Then he revealed just how he pulled his missus in the first place by turning the charm on us. So what about these second marriage stories as part of Madonna's 50th birthday celebrations? "Rubbish," he said. "We won't be renewing our vows. I think once was enough. And I've just paid out on a big party for her birthday."

All right so what did you give the girl who's got everything for such a special birthday?

"I bought her two original Hermes drawings of equestrian thingies - but, trust me, the party was infinitely more expensive than the paintings."

Thankfully he decided against casting Madonna in RocknRolla after their last movie together, Swept Away, sank without trace.

Instead Guy has put Thandie Newton in the lead female role and she stands out as a gorgeous gangster's moll among the crazy gang of thieves, murderers and, er, Russian billionaires... we wonder who that could be based on?

In a frank admission Guy confessed being married to Madge can be an issue in his professional life.

"The Madonna factor just seems to get in the way I'm afraid," he sighed.

"There wasn't a place for the wife in this movie. Swept Away was supposed to be for a smaller market but you can't really do small things with the missus, so I was naive in that respect.

"I made Snatch to entertain. And then Revolver was always going to be tricky but it wasn't supposed to be a classical gangster film, in the respect that this is." But he may be looking to his step-daughter Lourdes (or Lola) as a leading lady.

He laughed: "I read somewhere the film was called Rock and Lola after the children. I'm sure Lola will be a very talented actress. But Rocco is only eight, he's too young."

In the meantime if he's looking for any other leading ladies we have offered our services.

Guy's been in Danielle's hometown Liverpool scouting locations for the sequel to RocknRolla so we could be on to a winner - although we reckon Guy could do with some Scouse lessons. In a terrible accent, he said: "Aye yeah, I've been up to Liverpool a couple of times.

"Where are you from, Clemmie? Guildford's not quite as exotic as Liverpool. Can you talk Scouse like?"

We'll both speak Chinese if you give us parts in your next film, Guy!

The stories about renewing our wedding vows were rubbish.. once was enough

CAPTION(S):

MAN IN THE MIDDLE Danielle and Clemmie with Guy and, inset, Madonna