3am: Derek Laud.

Byline: JESSICA CALLAN, EVA SIMPSON AND CAROLINE HEDLEY

AFTER months of putting up with the half-wits in the Big Brother house, snooty evictee Derek Laud has finally found his perfect housemates - Neil and Christine Hamilton.

The dodgy toff couple picked him up from the hotel in St Albans, Herts, where he stayed after being evicted last week. They have since put up the camp Tory speech writer in their home in Wiltshire.

Christine said: "By the time we finished drinking at the hotel it was 4am. He kindly let us sleep in the double bed while he slept in the sofa bed. He could have snuggled up between us." Pur-lease.