24Seven: Comic makes fun - in the best possible taste . . .; Felicity Newson meets a comedian who always tries to keep it clean.

Byline: Felicity Newson

STAND-UP comic John Bishop has a theory about how to make the England footie team certain world beaters.

``English people only want to beat teams like Argentina and Germany because of tensions caused by the wars,'' he says.

``We should stop picking fights with countries who are good at football and wage war on someone like Luxembourg, who we know we can go out and batter on the pitch!''

The comedian from Huyton loves the topical stuff and is bringing it to the Liverpool Festival of Comedy on July 12.

When set the challenge of filling a 40-minute slot without any sex or swear words, he seized on the opportunity.

It's not that he's prudish. It's just that since starting to make a name for himself on the comedy circuit, he had been looking for a way of inviting his mum and dad Kathy and Ernie, without making them blush.

And the gig in aid of a hospital charity was his ideal chance to show his parents the talents which have made him North West Comedian of the Year.

``I think my mum still believes that all my stuff is as clean as the act she saw,'' smiles John, 35.

But he does set standards of good taste which are higher than those of many other comedians, believing it below the belt to make jibes about minority groups of any sort - or to crack any joke likely to make anyone in the audience uncomfortable.

``I do tend to operate by sparking off the audience rather than preparing material beforehand,'' John explains.

``But I am always careful about gauging who is around and not doing anything which is likely to offend.''

John's success is all the more phenomenal given that it is only a couple of years since he stood up to flex his talent for humour for the very first time.

Apart from the North West accolade, he was a big hit at the Edinburgh Festival last year.

And now he has just finished filming a BBC series, due to be screened in the autumn.

It involves interviews and footage of some of Britain's foremost up-andcoming comedy stars together in a Fast Show style format.

In a short space of time, the bookings are coming in steadily.

But John, a divisional manager for a pharmaceutical company, says he doesn't want to stop full-time work at the moment, because having two `hats' gives him more life experiences - and therefore more ideas.

``I am fortunate in that everyone I work with isvery supportive of what I do and I also think that just being a comedian can make it too much of a closed world.

``Some comics get so narrow that they just end up contemplating their own navels, and I don't want to get like that.''

John, who was brought up in Runcorn and has now made his home in Manchester, began his other life as an entertainer after doing a marathon charity cycle ride from Australia to Liverpool.

The venture raisedpounds 30,000 for the NSPCC and was the genesis of John's second career as an after dinner speaker.

And it was when he realised he had theknack of holding an audience's attention and making people laugh, that he had the idea of trying out these talents in the rather different venue of a comedy club.

``I made my debut at a club in Manchester,'' John recalls.

``There was an open mike night on, where punters had to pay pounds 3 admission, but if you were going to perform they let you in free.

``I said I'd go on, to get out of paying the threePICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE: England should next go to war with one of the lesser footballing nations, unlike Germany with goal-den boy Klosequid. To be honest, I thought they'd forget once I was inside and I would get away with it.

What I reckoned without was the fact that there were only seven people in the whole place that night - so of course, they called my name out and I had to take my turn.

``I suppose it did surprise me that I took to it so readily. It can be a bit challenging, especially when the audience is stonily silent.

``But when I get into my stride I find being a comedian is a form of relaxation, which is another reason why I don't want to become too intense about it and give up my job.''

John says being from Liverpool definitely has a bearing on how he does his act - and how he is perceived.

``Because I have a strong Liverpool accent, inevitably I get defined by where I come from in the same way that Billy Connolly does.

``You can either use something like that or ride over it and pretend it's not happening - and I think it's better to use it.

``Obviously the fact that I am a Scouser living in Manchester stands me in good stead as well - provided I get in with the jokes against myself first.''

John reckons he has taken his speedy rise up the comedy ratings well in his stride.

However, if he does get to be as well-known as his mate and comedy hero Johnny Vegas he says there will be ``a mansion in Beverly Hills, and a pounds 1m wedding sold to Hello magazine.''

l John Bishop is appearing at LIPA on July 12, as part of the Liverpool Comedy Festival. Tickets pounds 6. Details on 0151-726 0077.

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NICE GUY: John Bishop doesn't want to offend his audience