15 things you couldn't give any less of a crap about: the ditch down the street from my new house.

1. Some people call it Psycho Ditch since it's across the street from some sort of Texas State Center for the Mentally Insane facility, and some people call it 45th Street Ditch since it's on 45th street. I call it that ditch down the street from my new house that I hate.

2. Julien Stranger once came to Austin and did a really radical trick on the wall. He probably didn't go around bragging about it afterwards like I would have done.

3. There are these two Croatian twins who live in Austin called "The Bobans." The first time I ever really talked to them was at this ditch. I think we talked about skateboarding or something awesome like that.

4. When I could still do kickflips I used to do them into the ditch from this little roll-in thing that you can't see in the photograph.

5. They're in the process of building some piece-of-shit strip mall on the property that the ditch is on, so most likely this place will be non-existent within a year.

6. I think that this ditch was in a Vision video. Vision was this old skateboard company that convinced children to dress like complete assholes in the 1980s.

7. The city came and placed those round yellow road bumps all over this place, and the "locals" chipped them away one at a time. I've never had that type of enthusiasm for anything.

8. To be honest, the only time I've come to this ditch since I moved down the street was to take this picture. Like I said before, I personally hate this place.

9. Oh yeah, and I was going to take a picture of this ditch the day before I actually did, but I forgot that my digital camera was in my wife's purse because we had taken it out to dinner with us to show her parents the photo of Tony Soprano that we shot when we saw him at this bar in NYC called Max Fish.

10. I heard a story about this guy Tom who was running across the road at night with a pair of wire cutters in his hand (he was doing some illegal concrete pouring in the ditch) and the police saw him and thought that he had escaped from the booby hatch across the street.

11. One time a group of us organized this skate jam thing for Keg Party 'Zine called "Ten Ditches in One Day." We didn't include this ditch in our plans.

12. Every time I drive by it I think to myself, "Why can't that ditch be more like the ditch down the street from my old house?"

13. Speaking of which, I've only been to the ditch down the street from my old house one time since I moved. I need to get back over there. I seriously used to rip that spot to the max.

14. My neighbor Kevin told me that the best trick he ever did at this ditch was a half-assed tailslide. I always get Kevin and his housemate Seth's names mixed up.

15. Probably the best trick I ever did here was a frontside rock and roll on the wall. Hey man, I told you that you wouldn't give a crap about this article. Sometimes I can't believe I get paid to write this tripe.