12 MONTHS OF DIFFICULT TESTS ENDING FOR JEWS.

Byline: Orith Goldberg Staff Writer

For Lenore Gross, the celebration the Jewish New Year this evening will end a year of sadness and renewed faith.

It was a year ago on Rosh Hashana when the 36-year-old mother of three learned, after years of misdiagnoses, that her son Joshua, now 7, has Asperger syndrome, a neurobiological disorder characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills.

Then last month, Gross and her husband, Mark, had to comfort their 5-year-old daughter, Lila, after the shooting rampage at the North Valley Jewish Community Center in Granada Hills.

Lila, who had attended preschool at the center, was not there that day, but she recognized teachers and others in TV news coverage and was frightened.

``We watched television that day, and my daughter said to me, Is my teacher dead?'' Gross said. ``I would have done anything to spare her that trauma.''

But approaching the Jewish year 5760, the mother felt thankful for what her family has and for the lessons learned from tragedy.

Gross, who left her job as a trial attorney to stay home with her children, said the shooting did not shatter her faith in humanity. In fact, it strengthened her belief in the power of compassion as she watched people congregate near the center the next day and comfort one another.

``It was so warm. . . You saw someone you knew and gave them a hug,'' she said.

The tragedy bolstered her pride in her religious heritage.

``We're a Jewish family, and we are not going to hide from that,'' she said. ``We are not going to change one thing as a result of this.''

In the spirit of Rosh Hashana, which marks the beginning of 10 days of repentance until Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, she examined her decision to stay at home. With tears in her eyes, she said her son has made astounding progress since last year.

``He didn't know how to feel a year ago,'' she said. ``Now he cries and laughs.''

This year, Joshua will be with his family and about 40 guests at a luncheon in the Grosses' home Saturday to celebrate the new year.

The feast will include sweet noodle pudding, egg, tuna salad, eggplant salad and, of course, the traditional honey cake that signifies a sweet year to come. Because the holiday will fall on Saturday, Gross has until sundown today to prepare the dishes because the Sabbath is a day of rest.

Rabbi Steve Conn and his wife, Abby, who will be among the Grosses' lunch guests, also have had a trying year. In November, the Conns' 9-year-old son, Ben, also was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome.

Looking back on her year, Abby Conn said she hopes she will continue to provide what her children need so they will be happy and healthy.

Her husband, the first full-time rabbi at Congregation Beth Shalom, yearns for a year of peace and tranquillity after the shootings at Columbine High School in Colorado and close to home in Granada Hills.

``I hope the spirit of understanding will become widespread in this country,'' he said.

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Photo: (color) Lenore Gross lets her son Noah, 2-1/2, help as she prepares a Rosh Hashana feast for her family and about 40 guests.

Hans Gutknecht/Staff Photographer