1025 clyde 1 superscorboard HOTLINE.

Byline: KEITH JACKSON TAKES YOUR CALLS

ANOTHER round of SPL fixtures. Another reason to send Hotline into meltdown.

But just the one overwhelming message to referees and linesmen of the SPL: You can stick your whistles and flags where the sun don't shine!

That's right folks, Celtic's latest handout has ensured that paranoia is alive and kicking. It's just relocated from one side of the Clyde to the other.

Chic Craig, Barrhead, called to set the tone when he said: "I think Walter Smith would be better off keeping his thoughts to himself. Last week at Kilmarnock Kirk Broadfoot was booked when he should have been given a penalty and Walter remained his usual dignified self.

"He made a tongue-in-cheek comment after the Motherwell game and I think that rubbed off on the officials at Hamilton on Sunday when they gave Celtic that penalty.

"I can't go on watching this every week on the telly - I'm shouting so much at the officials I'm in serious danger of getting an ASBO!"

Tam McClelland, Saltcoats, said: "I know Christopher Young who was the linesman in question at Hamilton and I know he reads The Record. I'd just like to ask how come he keeps making mistakes in Celtic's favour?

"Of course, I might just be a paranoid Rangers fan but I can think of three big mistakes he's made in the last few seasons and they always just happen to be to Celtic's advantage. I hope you're reading this Chris - isn't it about time you learned your trade again in the Ayrshire Juniors?"

Or why not try out for a new career altogether, like comedy for example?

Our next caller, Cowdenbeath's Jimmy Smith, will gladly give you a few pointers.

He said: "I'm a Cowdenbeath fan with a sense of humour. I've just realised it was Walter Smith's fault that Celtic won that penalty on Sunday. If the ref asked his assistant if it was a penalty maybe the answer that came back was, 'Stuff Walter Smith - give them the penalty!' I hope you like my sense of humour."

You see what he did there? Hilarious stuff.

And the hits just kept on coming.

Dougie Munro, Brighton, said: "I hope Celtic invite the ref and linesman to their Christmas party after the present they got from them at the weekend."

Peter Webster, Forres, said: "Can the Parkhead Paranoia Committee now officially disband? And while we're at it, I'm collecting donations to buy Paul Hartley a guide dog - all contributions will be gratefully received.

"How can he say it was a good decision? It's the same old nonsense. They are going to win this league again the same way they did it last year - because of Scotland's officials."

Andy Campbell, Barrhead, said: "I can't believe the amount of decisions this mob are getting - that's seven major decisions already this season. It's getting so bad the referees and linesmen will be having their Christmas bash in the Brother Walfrid Suite this year."

Stop it now! You're killing me.

But Brian Young, Dunfermline, wasn't laughing.

He said: "I spend a fortune every week taking my son to watch Rangers home and away but are we wasting our time? People go on about the Old Firm getting decisions but it's only Celtic who are benefiting and it's becoming very predictable."

And Walter Hamilton, Foxbar, Paisley, asked: "I can't help but wonder if the officials are talking about prosecuting players these days then why shouldn't Hamilton be able to sue at the end of the season if these mistakes lead to them being relegated?"

Celtic fan Jimmy Findly, Lennoxtown, wasn't laughing either. Just smiling. A lot.

He said: "Will Walter Smith add that linesman's name to his little black book?

"I have to be honest, even I thought it was a shocking decision. It's time our officials were punished for their mistakes."

Ian Gordon, Stevenston, Ayrshire, said: "We're always being told these things even themselves out over the course of a season. Well I'm just wondering when it's going to start working against Celtic?"

Now this next one really is a joke. Right?

Euan Scobie, Maybole, said: "Gordon Strachan shouldn't be mentioned in the same breath as Martin O'Neill and I've thought that since day one.

"OK, he's won a few titles but Rangers have handed them to him on a plate most of the time. The man is clueless."

Motherwell fan Kenny Rae, Wishaw, is another disgruntled customer.

He said: "Like a lot of Motherwell fans I'm getting concerned with the way things are going under Mark McGhee. His latest comments after another abysmal display do him no favours.

"He said he didn't give a monkey's about what the fans think because he was doing what was right. But you patently weren't doing the right thing Mark - after all, you lost the game!"

And Derek Reid, Dollar, said: "What's happening with our rugby and football teams these days? With Hapless Hadden and Bungling Burley in charge we're becoming a laughing stock.

"Hadden seems to escape criticism every week even though our season is in jeopardy already and as for Burley? He's just a numpty."

Last word from another sidesplitting Happy Hour to Rev I.M. ... sorry, Frank Hackett, Maryhill, Glasgow. He said: "How can the Tartan Army cheer a guy who has cheated his way through a career in football and been involved in taking drugs? What message are we sending out to the kids?"

There endeth the lesson.

1025 clyde 1 QUOTE OF THE DAY

'I can't go on watching bad refereeing decisions on the telly, I'm shouting so much I'm in danger of getting an A SBO'