'YOU NEVER GET OVER IT' GOLD STAR MOMS WILL VISIT SITE OF SONS' DEATHS.

Byline: Cecilia Chan Staff Writer

THOUSAND OAKS - When Martha Arnold's two sons reached their teen-age years, she began a family tradition of giving them each a Duncan yo-yo for Christmas.

So when her oldest boy, Patrick Golliher, 22, was shipped off in 1968 to fight in the Vietnam War, she thought about tucking a yo-yo in his holiday package, but never got around to actually putting one in.

``I always felt bad about that,'' said Arnold, a 77-year-old Newbury Park resident. ``It was Christmas of '68 - and he was killed on the 3rd of January of '69.''

Thirty-two years later, Arnold has again purchased a Duncan yo-yo for Patrick, one she will take with her when she and two other Ventura County members of the American Gold Star Mothers leave next month on a nine-day tour of Vietnam.

She plans to place the yo-yo near the site where Golliher and 14 other soldiers were killed when the North Vietnamese booby-trapped the mess hall at Cu Chi, one of the Army's largest base camps.

``I'm going to be able to go to the area where he was killed. I'll get to see where my son spent his last hours, his last days,'' said Arnold, who also plans to hand out yo-yos out to Vietnamese children. ``What's exciting about it for me is to get the feeling he wasn't very, very far away.''

Among those making the trip next month will be Helen Hawkins, 75, of Newbury Park, whose son Arthur was assigned to the Army's 101st Airborne Division after enlisting when he graduated from Reseda High School.

Arthur Hawkins - a popular surfer known to his friends as ``Butch'' - died in a firefight on Nov. 10, 1967. He was posthumously awarded the Silver Star for lobbing grenades at the Viet Cong, allowing his trapped platoon to escape.

``He was a real flag-waver. He went in at 19 and was killed at 21,'' said his mother, who still chokes up when talking about her only son. ``We just want to see the country where our boys were killed.

``You never get over it, and now I just feel sorry for these mothers having to have kids that are going over (to the Middle East) now.''

In Ben and Catherine Poteet's Camarillo home, a hallway plaque displays the five medals awarded to their son, Thomas, who was killed by a sniper on April 4, 1967, near what is now Ho Chi Minh City.

The husband and wife - now in their 80s - hope the trip overseas will help them finally come to terms with their son's death.

``We hope to get near the site where it was,'' said Ben Poteet. ``I think it's more of closure. Whenever you lose a child, it kind of sticks you pretty hard, and we never completely got over it.''

Money for the trip was raised by Robert Hammer, a Vietnam veteran who over the years has collected thousands of dollars to send members of the Gold Star Mothers to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall in Washington, D.C., and now to Vietnam, where some 58,000 U.S. troops died in the war.

The Gold Star Mothers was formed in 1929 to support women who had lost a son or daughter in the service of their country. Arnold is the president of the Ventura County chapter, whose 12 members visit veterans hospitals and raise money for veterans causes.

``It's a wonderful group of ladies, deserving American patriots,'' said Hammer, a 52-year-old investment banker from Thousand Oaks. ``These are not ladies who held back on their duty. They have given everything they could give - in the form of their son - to this country.''

Nationwide, the nonprofit American Gold Star Mothers has 1,400 members, said Jeanne Penfold, national service officer at the Washington, D.C., headquarters. During past wars, families with a member in the military posted a blue star in the window of their home; when that service man or woman was killed, the blue star was replaced by a gold one.

The group was named for that gold star. Members included women who lost a son or daughter in World War I, World War II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, Beirut, Grenada, Panama, the Persian Gulf, Somalia, Bosnia or Saudi Arabia.

``We don't want any more (members) if we can help it,'' said Penfold. But she noted that the mothers of military personnel killed in the Sept. 11 terrorist attack on the Pentagon now qualify for membership.

``We would prefer that we had no more conflicts where servicemen can die,'' she said. ``At this point in time, that is a high hope.''

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Photo:

(1 -- 2 -- color) Martha Arnold, left, holds a photo of her son, Patrick Golliher, and Helen Hawkins holds a photo of son Arthur Hawkins, whose Silver Star, below, was awarded postumously for courage in action in Vietnam.

Tina Burch/Staff Photographer