'WOMAN ON TOP' NOT VERY SPICY.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

It's been a bad year for Brazil at the movies. First there was the disjointed romance ``Bossa Nova,'' which, at the very least, had some gorgeous vistas and a soundtrack that included masters like Antonio Carlos Jobim and Joao Gilberto. Now comes ``Woman on Top,'' a rather tepid knock-off of ``Like Water for Chocolate.'' Again, though, there's some great music and plenty of lovely scenery, this time in the form of actress Penelope Cruz.

Cruz won't likely be featuring this movie on a resume that will soon feature works with noted directors like Cameron Crowe and John Madden. It's not that ``Woman on Top'' is awful; it's just eminently forgettable. What you'll remember is the sight of the sexy Cruz in a slinky red dress, her enchanting presence elevating a bland cooking comedy that strains - and usually fails - to make cinematic magic.

Cruz stars as Isabella, a beautiful Brazilian blessed with extraordinary cooking abilities but cursed with a severe motion sickness. Her affliction means she has to be in control or ``on top'' in most of her daily activities, whether it be driving, dancing or lovemaking.

Isabella and her husband Toninho (Murilo Benicio) run a seaside restaurant, sharing a passion for cooking that usually leads to another form of passion. Toninho is generally content to take the credit for his wife's dishes, but his frustration over his perceived subordination in the bedroom causes him to seek solace with another woman. Isabella, understandably upset, flees to San Francisco.

Once she has arrived in The City, a magic spell lands Isabella a television cooking show, a transvestite roommate (Harold Perrineau Jr.) and a new love interest (Mark Feuerstein). Toninho won't let go, though, and Isabella must ultimately decide if revenge, indeed, is a dish best served cold.

``Woman on Top'' doesn't work for several reasons, chief of which is Vera Blasi's cliched, watered-down screenplay, which seems to have been dulled to make the proceedings more palatable to general audiences. It doesn't work. Neither does Fina Torres' direction, since the film's acting and comic timing are typically unsavory.

Only the charming Cruz remains unscathed, waiting for an American film that will fully use her talents. And given her list of upcoming movies, Cruz shouldn't have to cool her heels too much longer.

``WOMAN ON TOP''

(Rated R: some strong sexuality and language.)

The stars: Penelope Cruz, Murilo Benicio, Harold Perrineau Jr., Mark Feuerstein. Behind the scenes: Directed by Fina Torres. Screenplay by Vera Blasi. Running time: One hour, 33 minutes. Playing: Citywide. Our rating: Two stars

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When Penelope Cruz flees to San Francisco, Harold Perrineau Jr. becomes her transvestite roommate in ``Woman on Top''