'THE SKELETON KEY' OPENS FEW FRIGHTFUL DOORS.Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic A SLUGGISH ghost story ghost story n. A story having supernatural or frightening elements, especially a story featuring ghosts or spirits of the dead. ghost story n → cuento de fantasmas that would have trouble scaring a toddler (even in this movie's perpetual dark and stormy night), ``The Skeleton Key'' seems to take its cues from Disneyland's Haunted Mansion, offering up a thick gumbo of manufactured atmosphere and formulaic story that is camp with a capital K. In its own way, Eddie Murphy's ``Haunted Mansion'' was, in fact, more disturbing than anything this snoozer has to offer. Sure, the spook house in ``The Skeleton Key'' is filled with alligator alligator, large aquatic reptile of the genus Alligator, in the same order as the crocodile. There are two species—a large type found in the S United States and a small type found in E China. Alligators differ from crocodiles in several ways. heads, mason jars of pickled animals (they taste like chicken, from what I understand), dark attics and scratchy old blues records that will put a spell on you more powerful than anything Screamin' Jay Hawkins could imagine, but the whole thing feels as sinister as the potions aisle at your local drug store. Shiver your timbers, it won't. Preternaturally pre·ter·nat·u·ral adj. 1. Out of or being beyond the normal course of nature; differing from the natural. 2. Surpassing the normal or usual; extraordinary: perky perk·y adj. perk·i·er, perk·i·est 1. Having a buoyant or self-confident air; briskly cheerful. 2. Jaunty; sprightly. perk Kate Hudson plays Caroline, a hospice worker who ventures an hour out of the Big Easy to care for an invalid (John Hurt) who supposedly has only a month to live. This prognosis is put to the test early on, as Caroline witnesses the old man performing feats of strength Feats of Strength are acts strongmen exhibit to showcase their great strength. They often require immense hand and finger strength, as well as core musculature. Modern feats of strength are usually performed strongman competitions, fitness exhibitions, evangelical presentations, that would amaze the Flying Wallendas. Still, the poor sap's wife, Violet (Gena Rowlands, slurping See pod slurping. the scenery with a gusto that locals reserve for oysters), shrugs her shoulders, telling Caroline to double her husband's ``remedies.'' Given Violet's strange behavior, Caroline's refusal to call a doctor or a cop is curious. She does share her concerns with the family lawyer (Peter Sarsgaard), who assures her everything's OK and that all this nonsense about hoodoo spells (distinct from voodoo - hoodoo, like its close cousin hooey hoo·ey n. Slang Nonsense: "the romantic hooey that always sold women's cosmetics" Jerry Adler. [Origin unknown. , can't hurt you if you don't believe it) is just that - nonsense. Director Iain Softley (``K-Pax'') equates fear with the number of thunder cracks he can insert in the movie, and screenwriter Ehren Kruger (the poor man's M. Night Shyamalan Manoj Nelliattu Shyamalan (born August 6, 1970), known professionally as M. Night Shyamalan, /'ʃæ.mæ.lɔːn ) plots the movie to death (boredom can be terminal), explaining away Caroline's loopy Nancy Drew behavior by giving her a guilt complex over her father's death. Thus, Hudson (looking and sounding more like her mother in every film and, unfortunately, replicating Goldie Hawn's taste in choosing bad movies) is stranded in this haunted mansion, waiting for the last creaking creak intr.v. creaked, creak·ing, creaks 1. To make a grating or squeaking sound. 2. To move with a creaking sound. n. A grating or squeaking sound. floorboard to sound and the last spirit to say ``boo.'' You'll know the feeling, too, if you waste your money on a ticket. Glenn Whipp, (818) 713-3672 glenn.whipp(at)dailynews.com THE SKELETON KEY - One and one half stars (PG-13: violence, disturbing images, some partial nudity, thematic elements) Starring: Kate Hudson, Gena Rowlands, Peter Sarsgaard. Director: Iain Softley. Running time: 1 hr. 44 min. Playing: In wide release. In a nutshell: Disney's Haunted Mansion is scarier. CAPTION(S): photo Photo: Kate Hudson sure looks scared in ``The Skeleton Key,'' a would-be thriller that won't exactly keep moviegoers on the edge of their seats. |
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