'PROSAIC FOUR' JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE SAME RING TO IT.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

THE PRODUCERS of the neither-here-nor-there comic book movie ``Fantastic Four'' have been carping about last year's Pixar masterpiece, ``The Incredibles,'' saying that director Brad Bird plundered the Marvel comic for ideas.

Maybe. The similarities are there. But those kinds of complaints are usually made by desperate people aware that their movie has no ideas or, just as bad, ideas that have been dulled through years of committee-driven rewrites.

``Fantastic Four'' is a little bit of this, a little bit of that, with the sum total not adding up to much. Essentially a B movie writ large, this long-gestating adaptation of the long-running Marvel comic devotes as much time to a creaky love triangle as it does exploring the fantastic powers of its foursome. And that begs the question: Who goes to a movie like this looking for what is essentially a bad episode of ``Dawson's Creek''?

The answer, of course, is no one, outside of the founders of the Joshua Jackson Fan Club. But that's what you get here with ``Four,'' along with the occasional attempt at superhero camaraderie (which is the real strength of the comic), some really mediocre special effects and a stab at exploring how humans should use their gifts (if you've guessed ``for the good of mankind'' instead of ``for self-promotion,'' you're on the right track).

The latter indicates the simple-minded approach that director Tim Story (``Barbershop'') takes here. (Since the movie has gone through so many writers, it would be unfair to single out anyone, including the two credited with the screenplay.) ``Four'' begins with some muddled character introductions and moves quickly to a ``Moonraker''-esque space mission where a solar storm alters the astronauts' DNA and gives them super powers.

Thus, science geek Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) can make like Gumby with elastic abilities. Sue Storm (Jessica Alba) can become invisible. Sue's hothead younger brother, Johnny Storm (Chris Evans), is now a hot ball of fire and can fly. And gruff Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis) is turned into a rock creature, a decided turn-off to his wife, who, in one of the year's most ludicrous scenes, travels a great distance to leave her wedding ring on the Brooklyn Bridge.

The movie gets a few good moments from exploring the foursome's new powers, but wastes far too much time on the aforementioned love triangle involving Richards, Sue Storm and Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon), who covets Ms. Storm. (His marriage proposal - ``think of it as a promotion'' - calls to mind what Tom Cruise might have said to Katie Holmes.)

Von Doom has lost control of his corporation (think about it: would you want to invest in a company whose very public CEO is named Von Doom?), but he, too, has super powers. But Von Doom's focus isn't so much on fortune as it is revenge. Admittedly, it's a fuzzy focus, but it's all the filmmakers can slap together.

For those of you unfamiliar with the cast, the following guide may be of help: Gruffudd = Jeff Goldblum. Alba = Jennifer Love Hewitt, minus even Love's very limited emotional range. Evans = Brad Pitt, minus Pitt's ability to bring underwritten characters to life. McMahon = Kevin Spacey, minus just about everything. Chiklis gets a passing grade, if only for his imitation of McGruff the Crime Dog.

Fantastic? Well, yes. But not in the way intended.

Glenn Whipp, [phone]

glenn.whipp(at)dailynews.com

FANTASTIC FOUR - Two Stars

(PG-13: intense action, some mildly suggestive content)

Starring: Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis.

Director: Tim Story.

Running time: 1 hr. 45 min.

Playing: In wide release.

In a nutshell: Watered-down comic for those who think comic-book movies should have more romantic melodrama.

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Photo:

Chris Evans discovers an unexpected side effect to a journey into space - as do three others - in ``Fantastic Four,'' based on the comic by Jack Kirby and Stan Lee.