'NUMBERS': THE SUM OF ALL CLICHES.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

`Murder by Numbers'' is a thriller that's desperate to reveal its secrets. There's a grisly murder committed by two arrogant teens within the movie's first 15 minutes, a crime supposedly so perfect that we're supposed to delight in how the film's plucky detective, played by Girl Next Door Sandra Bullock, puts two and two together and eventually brings the killers' pimply behinds to justice.

The problem is, the filmmakers aren't simply content to spell out the boys' supposedly ingenious plan. They play every card in this movie face up. When Bullock's dark detective, Cassie Mayweather, mentions early on that she likes to live on a houseboat because there's ``not too many people'' around, it unleashes a flood of psychoses that Cassie proudly wears on her sleeve. It's a wonder she doesn't just wear a sign around her neck reading ``wounded bird'' and be done with it.

The movie's complete absence of subtlety reaches a low point when one of the teen-agers, the charming manipulator Richard (Ryan Gosling), psychoanalyzes Cassie as if he's held her hand in therapy sessions for several years running. Coming as it does after Cassie's lone-wolf foibles are examined by her partner (Ben Chaplin) and her superiors, it makes you want to throw up your hands and scream at the screen, ``I get it! She won't let people come close to her! Move on, why don't you?!''

There's also the heavy-handed homoerotic aspect to the teen killers' relationship, with Richard bellowing to the self-loathing Rimbaud figure, Justin (Michael Pitt), that ``I'm the only one who sees you for who you really are!'' This after Justin has the nerve to take up with a girl in his class, who inexplicably likes him despite his bad haircut and moody behavior. Oh, and did we mention that the bad kids listen to Iron Maiden?

Aside from the consistently creepy atmosphere that director Barbet Schroeder imparts to the picture, there's not much to like about ``Murder by Numbers.'' It's as if screenwriter Tony Gayton went back to the old news clippings about the 1924 Leopold-Loeb thrill murders, watched a bunch of episodes of CBS' ``CSI: Crime Scene Investigation'' and then grafted on one of those empty-headed, victim-hero Lifetime movie plots in order to attract an actress like Bullock. Apparently she was satisfied; you won't be.

MURDER BY NUMBERS - Two stars

(Rated R: violence, language, a sex scene and brief drug use)

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Ben Chaplin, Ryan Gosling, Michael Pitt.

Director: Barbet Schroeder.

Running time: 2 hr. 1 min.

Playing: Wide release.

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Photo:

Ben Chaplin and Sandra Bullock examine the evidence in ``Murder by Numbers.''