'NOVOCAINE' IS NO CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT.

Byline: Bob Strauss Film Critic

To say that ``Novocaine'' is as much fun as a trip to the dentist is to operate on the movie's level of humor. A collection of film noir cliches and outlandish plot conniptions, it keeps straining for ironic wit in an effort to appear more cleverly modern than it really is.

The directing debut of David Atkins, who also co-wrote the story, ``Novocaine'' possesses a few diverting flourishes. Yes, the twisty thriller's main character is a dentist, and that concept alone is good for a few chuckles. He's also played decently enough by a restrained and melancholy Steve Martin, who nevertheless comes to look pretty ridiculous in a scenario that doesn't know the difference between laughing at itself and just being laughable.

There are also a few minor performances that hit the bull's-eye: Scott Caan's volatile swindler strikes just the right balance between real menace and pathetic self-parody, while Kevin Bacon's unbilled cameo as a dense Hollywood actor doing research ride-alongs with the homicide squad, while steeped in stereotype, is an expert display of comic narcissism. There is also some good use of X-ray footage, which is not only interesting to look at and in keeping with the dental motif, but occasionally a good guide as to what may really be going on inside a whole bunch of shiftless and conniving characters' heads.

Among those who may or may not be conspiring to drive Martin's successful Dr. Frank Sangster from a nagging sense of dissatisfaction to life-destroying involvement in all kinds of felonies are his chirpy head hygienist/fiancee Jean (Laura Dern, like a Mary Kay lady with a drill); his no-good drifter brother Harlan, who's just blown back into town (Elias Koteas, who plays losers like this a lot); and new patient Susan Ivy (Helena Bonham Carter in a trouble-child gear with noticeably less traction than her ``Fight Club'' turn).

A woman of easy virtue and widespread pharmaceutical interests, Susan seduces Frank in the dental chair during an after-hours appointment. The next day, the office supply of medicinal narcotics turns up missing and a Mayberry-style DEA agent is asking some disturbingly unanswerable questions. Frank tracks down the mysterious Susan, who quickly proves to be as big a mess as we suspected. Before he can even guess what's hit him, there's someone leaking blood all over the floor of the doctor's showpiece home and the pillar of the community is scampering across roofs and hiding in car trunks from the cops.

This is all narrated by an arch and rueful Frank, so expect some discrepancies between what you see and what might really have happened. Like other aspects of Novocaine, this faintly echoes the formal tricks played by the Coen brothers in their current release, ``The Man Who Wasn't There.'' It's a bit of a shame that Atkins' pedestrian movie is coming out in the other films' aestheticized, black-and-white shadow; at every turn, the Coen piece displays more imaginative plotting, keener psychology and funnier jokes - and that one's trying to be understated and totally serious!

And yes, it's as unfair to compare as it is to take cheap, metaphoric bites at a dentist movie. But there is something about ``Novocaine'' that doesn't bring out the best in people.

``NOVOCAINE''

(Rated R: violence, sex, language, nudity, drug use)

The stars: Steve Martin, Helena Bonham Carter, Laura Dern, Elias Koteas, Scott Caan, Keith David, Kevin Bacon.

Behind the scenes: Directed by David Atkins. Written by Atkins and Paul Felopulos. Produced by Paul Mones and Daniel M. Rosenberg. Released by Artisan Entertainment.

Running time: One hour, 35 minutes.

Playing: Town Center 5, Encino; Playhouse 7, Pasadena; Westlake Village Twin, Westlake Village; Sunset 5, West Hollywood; NuWilshire, Santa Monica.

Our rating: Two stars

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Dr. Frank Sangster (Steve Martin) finds his world turned upside down, especially his engagement to his hygenist (Laura Dern), in ``Novocaine.''