'I didn't have time to crack up when my wife died..I just had to cope with bringing up three kids' FATHER'S DAY Widower Sean Ireland's Dad Of The Year.

Byline: MAEVE QUIGLEY

THERE'S no doubt that Sean Healy is a dad in a million.

The 52-year-old was left widowed with three small children when his wife Attracta was killed 12 years ago.

But Sean, who has just been named Woman's Way magazine's Dad Of The Year, said there are hundreds of people across Ireland who are doing exactly the same thing on a daily basis.

He added: "I've brought up three kids Eoin, 20, Yvonne 19, and Eric, 12.

"And I suppose my story highlights the fact that there are men out there bringing up kids on their own."

Sean was only 40 - and the kids were just nine, eight and nine months - when his life changed for ever.

Sean explained: "I met Attracta at work when we were both 18.

"We didn't get married until 10 years later as I wanted to have a house before we tied the knot.

"One Sunday Attracta and I were at our mobile home in Brittas Bay and we were talking about if one of us was to die which one would be better to be alive for the kids.

"Obviously it was Attracta as I had insurance on my side of things.

"I was commuting from Wicklow to Dublin to work and on the Wednesday someone called me to say my best friend was in reception.

CAR CRASH

"When I arrived downstairs I knew there was something wrong."

Attracta was leaving videos back to a shop in Wicklow but that morning there had been flash floods on the coast road.

Sean said: "She was coming back from Wicklow and she turned a corner into a flood and the car aquaplaned across the road into the path of an oncoming car. She died instantly.

"I had to go down to Wicklow to identify her body - my oldest son Eoin was in the car at the time and his mammy died in his lap. He was nine years old."

Sean was left with three kids under 10 and one was just a tiny baby who wouldn't remember his mum.

He said: "People asked me how I didn't crack up completely but you don't - you don't have time. It might appear flippant but to be honest I just had to cope.

"I have great neighbours where I live in Dublin and both sides of the family were brilliant.

"My sister Emer took time off her own work so she could stay with us and give me time to get myself together."

And strangely enough, it was the financial and legal wranglings after Attracta's death that kept Sean going.

He said: "Attracta had no life insurance - that was a difficulty and it is something people should be aware of in regard to partners who aren't working.

"I was then told my income tax would increase but because of my job in the treasury at the Irish Dairy Board I got a meeting with some people in Merrion Square about the whole issue.

"And to be fair to the then Minister Charlie McCreevy they actually changed the Budget in October 1997 to allow for more allowance to widows and widowers.

"So I felt I achieved something from it - that gave a sense of satisfaction but it was also something to do, to focus on.

I was working in the Irish Dairy Board at the time and it was one of my saving graces which I didn't realise until afterwards that work really were very good to me.

"I was there for 30 years and I am 52 and partly due to ill health and the fact that my job in the treasury area went with the euro I left four years ago.

"I am involved with a small company now who offer courses and personal development geared towards people with literacy issues and others who want to change their life and their career.

"The climate being as it is at the moment and people being let go these courses are over a five or sixweek period and these people can find out they are in a much better position than they thought.

"I have found a lot of benefit in that for myself as you do need something to do.

"You look after the kids but you do need something for yourself after that or you would lose it altogether."

Sean has been the mammy and daddy at the Healy household ever since - mopping up tears, finding school uniforms, making dinners and so on. He said: "I had to find out a lot of things - they had to go back to school 12 days after Attracta died but I wanted to make sure they all had a routine.

"And in order for me to remain sane I had to keep the kids' lives as normal as possible."

He revealed counselling really helped both him and the kids, especially Eoin who suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder.

Sean added: "Having brought the kids to Rainbow - a counselling service for children - I found a bit of comfort in meeting people in the same situation as myself. Initially it was a bit weird as there were 13 of us - and I was the only man. But you get used to that."

Sean was nominated for the award by his sister Emer and he said although he is delighted, he feels he only did what was right.

He added: " I brought the kids up in the way I thought Attracta would have wanted.

"It can be hard - sometimes when you go out in a group of seven people and you're the only one going home on your own you feel the loss.

"And even now a song on the radio or a little thing will remind me of something just shared by myself and Attracta.

"But I just did what I had to do."

TO contact Sean about learning and life skills courses email [e-mail] If you need help and advice after losing a partner visit www.widowedyoung.ie.

CAPTION(S):

AWARD Woman's Way magazine is out now PROUD Sean with his kids Eoin, Yvonne and Eric SUPPORT With sister Emer who nominated him ONE IN A MILLION Sean Healy is delighted with title - but says he just did what had to be done