'HAZZARD'-OUS BEHAVIOR 'DUKES' STARS TALK ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, FAME AND INFAMY.Byline: Bob Strauss Film Writer Yup, everyone loves ``The Dukes of Hazzard.'' Fast cars, corn-pone comedy, Daisy Duke Daisy Mae Duke is a fictional character, played by Catherine Bach, from the American television series The Dukes of Hazzard. She was the cousin of Bo and Luke, the main protagonists of the show, who were themselves cousins to each other. ... what's not to like? Felonious Done with an intent to commit a serious crime or a felony; done with an evil heart or purpose; malicious; wicked; villainous. An aggravated assault, such as an assault with an intent to murder, is a felonious assault. behavior, maybe? Now that a big-screen version of the Southern-fried TV series is upon us, how 'bout a hard look at whether Bo, Luke and their criminal clan really are just good ol' boys never meanin' no harm. After all, half the police cars in Georgia must be chasing the General Lee for some reason, right? The movie provides evidence of unlicensed liquor production and distribution, grand larceny A category of larceny—the offense of illegally taking the property of another—in which the value of the property taken is greater than that set for petit larceny. At Common Law, the punishment for grand larceny was death. , aggravated assault A person is guilty of aggravated assault if he or she attempts to cause serious bodily injury to another or causes such injury purposely, knowingly, or recklessly under circumstances manifesting extreme indifference to the value of human life; or attempts to cause or purposely or and aggravating bikini modeling. Think there might be a moving violation or so in there, too. Anyway, we thought it prudent to pull the rap sheets of those responsible for ``The Dukes of Hazzard'' movie. Whether any of these here rebs have violated provisions of the Patriot Act remains a matter for further research. Name: Jessica Simpson Alias: Daisy Duke Charge: Making every other woman on the planet feel physically inadequate. Priors: Confusing tuna with chicken, setting a new low for blonde dumbness. Ruining Willie Nelson concerts. On the taste limits of Daisy's short shorts: ``I told 'em that I wouldn't wear up-my-butt, that there would be no butt cheek. Unless it was a bikini.'' On rumors she had an extramarital ex·tra·mar·i·tal adj. Being in violation of marriage vows; adulterous: an extramarital affair. extramarital Adjective affair with married co-star Johnny Knoxville: ``If people weren't interested, then I'd be nervous. In some ways, you've just got to look at it as a compliment, and just keep going and hope your character proves all the false wrong.'' On why we really shouldn't hate her, but will anyway: ``I was gonna be on a big screen in a bikini. For any girl, I think that would put them on the treadmill and doing extra squats.'' Name: Seann William Scott Alias: Bo Duke Charges: Impersonating a Southerner. Reckless driving reckless driving n. operation of an automobile in a dangerous manner under the circumstances, including speeding (or going too fast for the conditions, even though within the posted speed limit), driving after drinking (but not drunk), having too many passengers in . Priors: In a word - Stifler! On justifying the 8,735th movie based on an old TV show: ``I was a big fan of the show as a kid. As long as we weren't going to do it tongue-in-cheek, lampoon it like 'Starsky & Hutch hutch 1. standard cagelike accommodation for rabbits. 2. light, movable cabin for calves or pigs; to provide shelter and warmth for animals at pasture. hutch burn ,' Johnny and I would have a great time and that would definitely translate on screen.'' On perjuring himself regarding scenes with Simpson: ``It was really easy not to be turned on. Well, she's married. So right there it's like, you have to have a certain respect.'' On revealing his Minnesota background when asked why Bo wears a Led Zeppelin T-shirt: ``I don't really look that cool in a country shirt. And I felt that, instead of being a total country hick, he might be a little crazy and kind of a rock 'n' roll rock 'n' roll: see rock music. guy.'' Name: Johnny Knoxville (not his real name) Alias: Luke Duke Charges: Indecent exposure indecent exposure n. the crime of displaying one's genitalia to one or more other people in a public place, usually with the apparent intent to shock the unsuspecting viewer and give the exposer a sexual charge. during production and on closing-credits blooper reel. Priors: ``Jackass jackass: see ass. .'' ``Jackass: The Movie.'' On why co-star Seann William Scott has post-traumatic stress: ``Unfortunately, it's all true. I can't help myself, my pants just, like, fall down all the time. I think my zipper zipper Device for binding the edges of an opening, as on a garment or a bag. A zipper consists of two strips of material with metal or plastic teeth along the edges, and a sliding piece that interlocks the teeth when moved in one direction and separates them again when moved weighs, like, 200 pounds; it just keeps coming down.'' On those tabloid Jessica Simpson affair rumors: ``I have a wife and a 9-year-old, and that kind of stuff's hard on the family. Luckily, my wife and I have a dialogue, and she understands - but of course, she doesn't like it. That said, I always buy 'em. 'Look at this picture!' One of my personal favorites is the Courtney Love picture of the guy outside Wendy's kissing her breast.'' On how sharing Knoxville (not their real name) family values with his daughter keeps him on the straight-and-narrow: ``She's my little buddy. She told me the other day that she wanted to make my friend a lemon pie, but with shaving cream in it instead of meringue. I said, 'I like the way you think, honey. So when Daddy gets back, we'll think of all kinds of mean things to do.' She said, 'Yeah!' '' Name: Jay Chandrasekhar Alias: Director Charges: Member of subversive comedy organization Broken Lizard. Upsetting Cooter coot·er n. Lower Southern U.S. 1. An edible freshwater turtle of the genus Chrysemys. 2. Any of various turtles or tortoises. See Regional Note at goober. . Priors: ``Super Troopers,'' ``Club Dread.'' On why he was the best man for this job: ``Growing up, I watched 'Dukes of Hazzard' every Friday in my pit couch in suburban Chicago. I had a Daisy Duke poster on my wall in the throes throe n. 1. A severe pang or spasm of pain, as in childbirth. See Synonyms at pain. 2. throes A condition of agonizing struggle or trouble: a country in the throes of economic collapse. of puberty.'' On when the General Lee almost plowed into a crowd of visiting fans: ``We got a new brake team after that.'' On TV series mechanic Ben Jones' complaints that the movie ``mocks the good clean family values of our series'': ``It was a bummer bum·mer n. 1. Slang An adverse reaction to a hallucinogenic drug. 2. Slang One that depresses, frustrates, or disappoints: Getting stranded at the airport was a real bummer. to have one of the guys you really like trash the movie. I get that he feels like he's the original Cooter, and he is. Hopefully he'll like the movie when he sees it. Maybe he'll have a different opinion; it's not an overly dirty film.'' Name: Bill Gerber Alias: Producer Charges: Ben Jones has a list. Priors: Concert promoter, talent manager, studio executive. On outtakes of assorted General Lees getting wrecked during stunts: ``When you see those bloopers, it's sad. There aren't a lot of cherry '69 Dodge Chargers lying around.'' On why there's still a Confederate flag painted on the General Lee's roof: ``I was concerned because we don't want to do anything offensive. But we put the controversy right out there on the table. We try to discuss all the the points of view, and we didn't want to run away from it. But we thought, if we took the flag off the car, it would almost be more controversial than leaving it on. It was on the car in the show, these guys are from the South, they're rebellious - and certainly, they're as colorblind col·or·blind or col·or-blind adj. Partially or totally unable to distinguish certain colors. as anybody I know, the Dukes of Hazzard.'' On making Daisy's final wardrobe decisions: ``Jay and I certainly, as guys, enjoyed the costume fittings. It never got R-rated, but it was always interesting.'' On whether Willie Nelson had a weed per diem per diem adj. or n. Latin for "per day," it is short for payment of daily expenses and/or fees of an employee or an agent. : ``It didn't come from us if there was.'' Bob Strauss, (818) 713-3670 bob.strauss(at)dailynews.com CAPTION(S): 4 photos Photo: (1 -- cover -- color) ON THE ROAD AGAIN Jessica and the boys are running hot in ``The Dukes of Hazzard'' (2) Luke Duke (Johnny Knoxville, left) and Bo Duke (Seann William Scott) are ready for action in their beloved General Lee. (3) Daisy Duke (Jessica Simpson) works her charms on Deputy Enos Strate (Michael Weston) in ``The Dukes of Hazzard.'' (4) no caption (Jessica Simpson) |
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