'DOWN PERISCOPE' SINKS QUICKLY\Bland performances, direction make sub comedy sub-comedy.Byline: Stephen Holden The New York Times "Down Periscope periscope (pĕr`ĭskōp) [Gr.,=view around], instrument to enable a person to see objects not in his direct line of vision or concealed by some intervening body. Its essential parts are a tube, prisms, lenses, mirrors, and an eyepiece. ," a desperately wacky comedy in which Kelsey Grammer makes his major motion picture debut, suggests the cinematic equivalent of the obsolete submarine on which most of the movie's action takes place. The Stingray, deployed to play war games with America's nuclear-powered fleet for reasons best left unexplored, is a rusted tub that makes the most alarming sounds when submerged. The deeper it plunges, the louder the protesting chorus of metallic clanks, groans and shudders it sends up. When the vessel reaches a certain depth, the picture on the screen begins to jiggle ominously. This creaky creak·y adj. creak·i·er, creak·i·est 1. Tending to creak. 2. Shaky or infirm, as with age; decrepit: creaky knee joints; a creaky regime. old rattletrap rat·tle·trap n. A rickety, worn-out vehicle. rattletrap Noun Informal a broken-down old vehicle comes with a matching captain and crew. Lt. Comdr. Thomas Dodge (Grammer), the man in charge, is as fearlessly eccentric as he is affably cocksure cock·sure adj. 1. Completely sure; certain. 2. Too sure; overconfident. cock . When first seen, Dodge is using the deck of a submarine as a putting green, and he casually boasts of his genital tattoo, which reads, "Welcome aboard." Midway in the movie, he dons an eye patch and bandanna long enough to conduct a ceremony in which a mutinous mu·ti·nous adj. 1. Of, relating to, engaged in, disposed to, or constituting mutiny. See Synonyms at insubordinate. 2. Unruly; disaffected: a mutinous child. 3. crew member is forced to walk the plank to walk along a plank laid across the bulwark of a ship, until one overbalances it and falls into the sea; - a method of disposing of captives practiced by pirates. to walk off the plank into the water and be drowned; - an expression derived from the practice of pirates who extended a . Dodge's fellow sailors include an officious of·fi·cious adj. 1. Marked by excessive eagerness in offering unwanted services or advice to others: an officious host; officious attention. 2. Informal; unofficial. 3. executive officer (Rob Schneider) who issues instructions in a hysterical scream, and a buxom dive officer (Lauren Holly) who has been assigned to the Stingray as part of an experiment in integrating women into submarine crews. The ship's cook (Ken Hudson Campbell) is a flatulent flatulent characterized by flatulence; distended with gas. tub of lard whose meals (30-year-old creamed corn that he mistakes for deviled ham) are seasoned with fingernails and cigar ash. The idiotic radio officer (Toby Huss) electrocutes himself every time he picks up a wire, while the diesel engineer (Harry Dean Stanton Harry Dean Stanton (born July 14, 1926) is an American character actor. Stanton was born in West Irvine, Kentucky to Ersel and Sheridan Harry Stanton, who divorced when Stanton was in high school; they later re-married. He had two younger brothers, Archie and Ralph. ) stokes the ship's engine with whiskey. If "Down Periscope," directed by David S. Ward, has the ingredients for a lively spoof of everything from "Mutiny on the Bounty Mutiny on the Bounty activities of mutineers, Captain Bligh, island wanderings (1789). [Am. Lit.: Mutiny on the Bounty] See : Rebellion " to "Crimson Tide," they are slapped together so crudely that nothing gels, including any sense of a coherent ensemble. The tone of the acting, which is set by Grammer's blandly laid-back performance, is all wrong for a genre that demands over-the-top hamming. Even the usually reliable Bruce Dern, who plays Dodge's would-be nemesis, an ambitious, paranoid admiral, is strangely subdued and off-pitch. Almost despite itself, "Down Periscope" comes up with a couple of amusing bits. When the Stingray is spotted and about to be attacked, Dodge leads the crew in bellowing a chorus of "Louie Louie" that convinces the eavesdropping enemy that the ship is a fishing smack filled with drunken sailors. In another maneuver, a crew member who has studied recordings of whales averts detection with his "Indian Love Call" simulation of two whales in heat. The energy level of "Down Periscope" is so low that moments like these, which should flare hilariously, reach a wan flicker. THE FACTS The film: "Down Periscope" (PG-13; mild, off-color humor). The stars: Kelsey Grammer, Lauren Holly, Rob Schneider, Ken Hudson Campbell, Toby Huss, Harry Dean Stanton, Bruce Dern and Rip Torn. Behind the scenes: Directed by David S. Ward. Written by Hugh Wilson, Andrew Kurtzman and Eliot Wald, based on a story by Wilson. Music by Randy Edelman. Production designed by Michael Corenblith. Produced by Robert Lawrence. Released by 20th Century Fox. Running time: One hour, 40 minutes. Playing: Citywide. Our rating: Two Stars. CAPTION(S): PHOTO Photo Kelsey Grammer, left, plays the officer in charge of a rattletrap submarine, with Lauren Holly as an experimental dive officer, in "Down Periscope." |
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