'70': HIGHLY FORGETTABLE NUMBERS.

Byline: Evan Henerson Theater Critic

THE TEMPTATION to polish up a dusty bit of flint in the hopes it will shine like a diamond is, I suppose, always seductive. Since John Kander and Fred Ebb wrote ``Cabaret'' and ``Chicago,'' somebody reckoned, their 1971 flop ``70, Girls, 70'' might clean up smartly with some canny script revisions and a knockout ensemble that doesn't embarrass easily.

Not this time.

The source material for this clammy bit of vaudeville high jinks is still dated, mannered and clunky. At El Portal, where a minimally staged ``concert'' version of ``70, Girls, 70'' plays the main stage, director Jim Brochu has assembled a cast that can't - or won't - shtick it through. As decent as all these soldiers are or have been, they simply don't mesh well with each other or with the show itself. Regardless of whether Charlotte Rae, Jane Kean, Robert Mandan, William Schallert and especially Marni Nixon are ``in the tea time of their careers,'' they all need more to work with. Watching the group slog through such unmemorable songs and such a ridiculous book is, well, more than a little bit sad.

Rae, et al. play a group of septuagenarian ex-showbiz types who, faced with the prospect of having their seniors' hotel torn down, come up with a unique get-rich scheme: fencing shoplifted furs. This seems like a good idea because:

A. Their residents include ``brains'' ringleader Ida (played by Rae) and safecracker Walter (Mandan), and because ...

B. Our guys and gals are so young at heart.

So much for the plot, which frequently falls away so characters can do vaudevillian solos or duets. It's in these instances that a performer occasionally breaks out and shines, chiefly Mandan and Nixon in the sexually themed number ``Do We?'' and Barbara Haber and Irene Chapman as a couple of waitresses who think that takeout coffee is the decline of modern civilization. There's also a cute bit of ensemble fusion when the entire cast deliberately plays senile while being questioned by history's most stupid detective.

Other bits - Kean vamping a security guard, Schallert in heavy drag for the first heist - are just icky and not funny < Before El Portal's previous administration fell apart, subscribers were promised a season of musicals - a decision the current regime, Shadow Box Productions, might want to rethink as it tries to salvage the venue's third season. While there's certainly nothing wrong with music director Tom Griffin or his on-stage band, El Portal contains more than a few acoustical dead spots. The theater's limitations and some none-too-crisp microphones made the evening not exactly tuneful. With ``Nunsense,'' ``Ain't Misbehavin' '' and the Jule Styne revue ``Some People'' still to come, here's hoping the venue will be ready to sing and be heard.

For that matter, here's hoping there's another show. It's good to see El Portal up and running again and encouraging that, despite the company's troubled history, they can still attract some name talent. Next time around, let's hope the stars and their script are a better match.

70, GIRLS, 70 - Two stars

Where: El Portal Center for the Arts, 5269 Lankershim Blvd., North Hollywood.

When: 7 p.m. Tuesday and Wednesday, 8 p.m. Thursday and Friday, 2 and 7 p.m. Sunday; through June 9.

Tickets: $30 to $45. Call [phone].

CAPTION(S):

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Photo:

Charlotte Rae and Michael Uribes kick up their heels in a number from ``70, Girls, 70,'' at the El Portal Center.