`TOONING OUT HELP! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PRESIDENTS.Byline: JANE ROBISON I feel like I've been taken hostage by the serial presidential candidates - Dudley Do-Right and Howdy Doody Howdy Doody was a children's television program (with a decidedly frontier/western theme, although other themes also colored the show) that aired on NBC in the United States from 1947 until 1960. . No matter where I go, Dudley and Doody are there. In the bank, in the mall, shopping for Christmas, at home, at work - I can't escape watching Dudley and Doody shooting off their little pistols and fighting over their tiny dimples. The Office of President has become a 24/7 cartoon network For Cartoon Network outside of the United States, see . Cartoon Network is a cable television network created by Turner Broadcasting which primarily shows animated programming. , and I can't change the channel to save my life. It wouldn't be so bad if it were entertaining, like a Stephen King <noinclude></noinclude>
Stephen Edwin King (born September 21, 1947) is an American author of over 200 stories including over 50 bestselling horror and novel or an Austin Powers movie where Austin saves us from anatomically correct anatomically correct adj. Representing the body or a body part, especially a sex organ, in a physiologically accurate manner: an anatomically correct drawing. Votamatic machines. Chad-o-licious, baby. Instead, we get O.J. offering cogent caravan commentary, noting that his low-speed Bronco bronco: see mustang. chase had more intrigue. And he was right. As the caravan carrying Palm Beach County ballots cavorted past Disney World down the Ronald Reagan Turnpike, with helicopters hovering overhead and crowds of gawkers snapping pictures, we were pretty sure the ballots would make it to Tallahassee. Deja va-voom, baby. If I have to be held hostage by TV Land government, why can't it be in ``West Wing'' world? I love President Josiah Bartlet For the signatory of the Declaration of Independence, see . Dr. Josiah Edward "Jed" Bartlet is a fictional character played by Martin Sheen on the television serial drama The West Wing. . I love that he's so smart and short and still compassionate. That's who I really wanted to vote for: Martin Sheen. Or Warren Beatty. Someone to follow in Bill Clinton's acting shoes. Instead, I have to pick between Doody Dubya and Dudley Do. Last week I watched Al Gore's one-man, 110-trombone, flag-waving parade, and I must admit, I was impressed. Watching a mime try and get out of a box is always good sport for a few minutes. But I wasn't buying his ``one man, 10,000 votes'' spiel spiel Informal n. A lengthy or extravagant speech or argument usually intended to persuade. intr. & tr.v. spieled, spiel·ing, spiels To talk or say (something) at length or extravagantly. . And George W. Bush needs to practice his wave if he wants to be queen someday. He's got too much wrist action going on. Finally, the coup de grace coup de grâce n. pl. coups de grâce 1. A deathblow delivered to end the misery of a mortally wounded victim. 2. A finishing stroke or decisive event. - Dick Cheney, practically dressed in his hospital gown, actually running the country, interviewing cabinet hopefuls, handling all press inquiries, buying office supplies and picking out curtains for the transition office. I don't get it. Junior's relaxing and playing cowboy Doody on his Texas ranch and letting the guy with the heart attack do all the work? Please, Chief Justice Rehnquist, can I have my chad back? Yes, I voted for one of these clowns to be our next president on Nov. 7, but I wasn't happy about it. Neither man struck me as cabinet fodder, much less presidential timber. And now that I've seen three weeks of crisis management by Al and W., I beg you, Judge Billy, declare this election ``null and void'' and spare the country four years of nonsense by Gore the Null or Bush the Void. I feel confident that I speak for the 100 million voting Americans when I say we made a big, BIG mistake when we punched the Dudley/Doody chad. CAPTION(S): 2 photos Photo: (1 -- color) no caption (George W. Bush, Al Gore) Detroit Free Press The Detroit Free Press is the largest daily newspaper in Detroit, Michigan, USA. It is sometimes informally referred to as the "Freep". Some still refer to it locally as "The Friendly" -- a slogan from an ad campaign in the '70s. (2) Media coverage of the rental truck carrying Florida ballots resembled a slow-motion freeway chase. Mark Foley/Associated Press |
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