`SPLIT' FAILS TO STRIKE UP MUCH EXCITEMENT.

Byline: Evan Henerson Theater Critic

IN THE PROGRAM for The Company Rep's production of ``Split,'' director Bill Bushnell's biography takes up more than half a page. Fair enough. The man deserves all that ink and more. In the late 1980s, Bushnell changed the face of L.A. theater when he transformed a former bank downtown into an innovative multistage playhouse. When the experiment that was the Los Angeles Theatre Center was forced to shut down, Bushnell changed courses to work for - what else? - the Federal Emergency Management Agency, where apparently he still works as a hazard mitigation team leader.

I know Bushnell's work as a director, not as a disaster man. Still, I have to wonder what in the name of Hurricane Floyd would attract a man with his theatrical discernment to a wet noodle like ``Split.'' The Mayo Simon comedy is a kind of sexagenarian rif on Bernard Slade's ``Same Time, Next Year'' with an emphasis on the ``sex.'' It's also a repetitive affair about a couple of people who clearly deserve each other. They have no reason to be apart, but they are anyway, and Simon takes 85 excruciating minutes of stage time to keep us in their corner.

Doesn't happen.

D.C. professor Arthur (played by Donald Bishop) drops in on his L.A. gal pal Clare (Michele Marsh) after she announces that she's going to marry someone else. Arthur wants to win her back, but on his terms, not hers. The only suspense - to use the word loosely - is whether these still-randy 60-somethings are going to get it on one last time. It's a pretty safe bet they will since a roving guardian angel (Brandon Ford Green) keeps assuring Arthur that all will be well.

That's what every guy needs, after all: a voice of wisdom from our friendly neighborhood skycap, waiter, pianist or pizza delivery man telling us, ``No, stupid, play on her vulnerability.''

But I digress. Back to ``Split.''

Arthur is married and, it appears, comfortably ensconced on the East Coast. Clare, who has apparently been his mistress for decades, wants something more stable. She'll settle for a sports-loving CPA named Stanley (whom we never meet) even though it's Arthur she really wants.

So they meet, and she sets ground rules that are quickly violated. They have a drink, go to the beach, back to her place, and order a pizza, all the while flirting dangerously and openly with each other. Bishop and Marsh are appealing enough performers and, sure, we can accept that their characters have eternally got the hots for each other. Balding, paunchy Arthur, who has told the same story way too many times, is perfectly matched with romantic and loyal Clare, who delights in finishing Arthur's tales.

The interplay is too lacking in subtlety to feel like a dance. Bushnell is clearly doing the best he can with slight material. But even at an intermission-less 85 minutes, this is one he can't save.

SPLIT - Two stars

Where: The Company Rep at the American Renegade Theatre, 11136 Magnolia Blvd., North Hollywood.

When: 8 p.m. Thursday through Saturday, 2 p.m. Sunday; through April 20.

Tickets: $20 to $25. Call [phone].

In a nutshell: ``Split'' happens. You'll wish it didn't.

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Michele Marsh and Donald Bishop play star-crossed lovers in Company Rep's production of ``Split.''