`SCHOOL OF ROCK' IN SESSION.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

At these Winter Olympics, figure skating is flamboyant, flirtatious and festive, catering to the flavor of the month.

Curling is calm.

The luge is ludicrous, loud and lurid, far left of center.

Curling is courteous, civil.

In bobsledding, there's that brazen, bullish, boisterous energy.

Curling is composed, contemplative, comforting.

While most of the Winter Games are about fire, curling is about nice. And, as it methodically plays out to its conclusion this week, TV viewers have remained captivated and committed.

``At first, it's like shuffleboard on ice with people yelling, then it becomes like lawn bowling, and the strategy is like grand master chess, and there's an element of golf in trying to make the precision putt or even the perfect shot in billiards,'' said Fred ``The Hammer'' Roggin, the KNBC- Channel 4 sportscaster employed as the host and primary educator for the sport which, as he just pointed out, has many comparisons.

For three hours each afternoon on CNBC or MSNBC - its the first time NBC has specifically set aside one destination spot for this - viewers are straight on curling.

``Some may be baffled a bit by the scoring, but once you take the time to watch it, it really is fascinating,'' Roggin continued. ``If you can appreciate it for what it is, you can see why people get transfixed with it. I learn something new about it every day.''

From the ice box known as the Pinerolo Palaghiaccio - it's more than a stone's throw from downtown Turin - Roggin snuggles up with Don Chevier, Don ``Doogie'' Duguld and Elfi Schlegel for the daily coverage. The crowds don't often get too rowdy, and the competitors very infrequently high five, so it's Roggin's role to add some levity.

Have fun with it, Roggin has been told, but don't make fun of it.

To help get everyone up to the slow speed, Roggin fields questions e- mailed through the NBCOlympics.com site on a segment called ``School of Rock.'' The production crew also found a local bakery that mades loafs of bread in the shape of curling stones. Roggin awards the loaf to guests who come by to be interviewed. The first, World Curling Federation president Roy Sinclair, remarked in his Scottish accent after handling the loaf: ``It's kinda sexy looking, eh?''

The skip of the Finland team, Markku Uusipaavalniemi -- aka, U-15, because of the number of letters in his last name - quickly became a viewer favorite, and not just because he can solve a Rubik's Cube in less than 30 seconds. The local Italians quickly embraced the sport after upsetting the U.S. men last week. That match drew better ratings in Italy than figure skating or hockey.

Even though they didn't pose nude for a international ``women of curling'' calendar that has been sold out since it was offered late last year, American sisters Cassie and Jamie Johnson have also been a pleasant sight for viewers.

Hardly the sexiest sport on the TV grid, curling isn't stuck between a rock and a cold place. It didn't really catch on as any kind of cult viewing until 2002 in Salt Lake City. Prior to that, CBS hardly made the time for the not-ready-for-prime-time players.

While some thought curling might have jumped the frozen shark in TV terms, viewers remain loyal. Through Thursday, CNBC's weekday curling coverage has averaged more than a million viewers, 36 percent above what it did in Salt Lake City (when it was on from 3-9 p.m. PDT).

For what it's worth, curling ranks No. 4 in Yahoo Buzz Index, ahead of Maria Sharapova, Michael Jordan and the NFL.

``I believe curling is the ideal television sport,'' said Chevrier, the original TV voice of the Toronto Blue Jays who also has done badminton, table tennis and synchronized swimming for NBC's Olympics.

``The action is always right in front of you, it lends itself to viewer participation in the sense that they can listen to the curlers discuss strategy and make them feel part of the decision. And also the best use of the telestrator is on curling casts, in my opinion.

``I just love the strategy and shot selection. I guess that's why of the 24 different sports I have called over the years, it ranks in the top three with baseball and football.''

The luke-warm success of the Bemidji, Minn.-based U.S. men's and women's team might not even dent the ratings this week, when the field is cut down to the top four for the semifinals Wednesday. The women's finals are Thursday; the men's gold-medal match on Friday.

From end to end, no matter how fast those guys and gals with the brooms squeegie the sheet of ice, the objective is relatively simple. Get the rock into the house. Then go have a beer and relive it.

Maybe in the new hit of the Olympics, snowboarding, it's easy to get sucked into the slacker-filled slang, swagger and sizzle.

But don't forget: Curling is cool, too.

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Photo:

Finland curling skip Markku Uusipaavalniemi, center, known as U-15 has become a viewer favorite.

Getty Images